A Desire to be Effeminate

Once my friend of the year 1997, had mounted me,climaxed inside of me,I knew knew my "Role" was third-gender type / feminine male, this was very clear,and something very suppressed since my youth (First-Contact)


For myself ,feeling "effeminate",..is the greatest feeling of " being true,feeling like I should naturally and should have always been able to be. I have known since my early experience "of being called "gay" publicly in school,,how badly society hurts people who are different,thus I lived a false life ,in not seeking my Effeminate self ,pretending to be masculine,ever though never felt right.


I have for myself adopted term, " Gender Orientation " verse " gender indentity " ,due to fact , I know I can never be a female, yet I can be " Feminine", dress feminine, have sex feminine,etc.

The ancient Greeks did not conceive of sexual orientation as a social identifier as modern Western societies have done. Greek society did not distinguish sexual desire or behavior by the gender of the participants, but rather by the role that each participant played in the sex act, that of active penetrator or passive penetrated

the active (penetrative) role was associated with masculinity

passive role was associated with femininity

For myself " to be as    "Effeminate " thus the passive "penetrated "


How does the modern Female, retain her "Femininity " in todays world ?,what is " Feminist theory

Feminist theory is the extension of feminism into theoretical, fictional, or philosophical discourse. It aims to understand the nature of gender inequality. It examines women's and men's social roles, experiences, interests, chores, and feminist politics in a variety of fields, such as anthropology and sociology, communication, media studies, psychoanalysis,[1] home economics, literature, education, and philosophy.

I do believe ,at least from my" Point of View", that people like myself that are highly " Effeminate " psychologically,we simply have a strong Desire to be in the " Role ",even if I never have a actual sexual experience again, and whether it be with a male or female, my "Role",must be "Effeminate ". Though difficult to see as explained above "  Greek society did not distinguish sexual desire or behavior by the gender of the participants "

I personal am inspired by people like Geena Rocero , not by  body / appearance, but because as a human being,sticking to a confiction,no matter what "Society " says is normal, and due to fact that I am "psychologically " very similar, I just have a male appearance,yet desire "Feminine" appearance.

I am male to female "third-gender" type

For example: 

             some men work-out to be more masculine appearing

             I just work,do hard physical work,so I can stay thin,and appear attractive in a "Feminine ",which pertains to my body style.

             my work is my "Gym", being a home builder/carpenter is a very demanding physical,daily chore/workout. yet I can still be                     just as " psychologically  Feminine " inside as Geena Rocero .

             For myself it is more important that I embrace my "effeminacy",nuture it, sure sex is a important aspect of most peoples                      Lives,some more then others,for myself ,I have been celibate for over 12 years,not that I don't desire it, just have not met                    the right person,and may never. So the to be "Effeminate" is much more important to me  psychologically,then                       the actual act of sex.  I have a feeling that this is the case with many,many trans-gender male to female                        "third-gender type" individuals like myself.  " Embracing being Effeminate " rather then fighting to suppress                   it,as society has taught us we must !


 Why is ? 41 percent suicide rate among transgender people is more than 25 times the rate of the general population, which is 1.6 percent. And among trans people ages 18-44, the suicide attempt rate was 45 percent.  Most likely because of "Society's imposed,constructed "Idea" of what another Human being should feel like inside!.


The more I study the "Fa’afafine culture ", the more I identify with be " Fa’afafine " like.

In the above photo from nationalgeographic.com

              In Samoa, best friends 12-year-old Sandy (at left) and 10-year-old Mandy (in white T-shirt) do an impromptu dance with their friends and cousins. They identify as faafafine, a gender other than boy or girl. Fa‘afafine children generally take on girls’ roles in play and family. As adults they remain anatomically male with feminine appearance and mannerisms. They help with household chores and childcare and choose men for sexual partners.

For Example if I had been born or raised in the "Samoa" culture I would have been " a Fa‘afafine child

I identify as Fa‘afafine type person

As much as I would like to appear like the above photo of myself for a sexual partner(a straight male),it is equally important he be able to go in public with me looking "Fem", ,,this why it is important a culture,in order to advance as a whole,can't be held to out-dated ideas of gender conformity, I know from experience there are straight men, whom would have me in the Fa‘afafine role, if it was not shaming to be seen with me.  A big hurdle for a straight male to take a Fa‘afafine  in American openly as a sexual partner,would himself being label "Gay",when in fact he is not (believe me,of the many men whom have been with me sexual, very few have been gay) We have to see "Sex" is simply a action between human beings,and the role one plays in that act identifies ones sexual indentiy.I happen to simply wish "the male penis of another male is in me" verse "I have no desire to have my penis in another person,quite literally can't,I have no desire to be in the male role,thus can't get erection to be in that role sexual. For example,I could be in a room with the most beautiful nude women or men,and I would not be able to perform sexually as a male. 

My role as defined at beginning of this page,is strictly "passive to be penetrated", either by performing Fellatio or being anally penetrated in both cases,it is very important for me,that my partner ejaculate into my body.
         It is maybe much easier for a female to understand, yet the " having a man ejaculate inside of our body is a Big Deal"

         I think if you ask most females,who are sexual with a male partner sexually,and they really like them,tell will tell you that they              want that male to ejaculate inside them

         For myself this is most defining thing that makes me "transgender" male to female type.I want him to ejaculate in me,and I                  wish/imagine , I could get pregnant with his child.    I have many times,cried out "I wish I could have your baby",as with a man I            really liked, as he ejaculated in my bottom.

Women (or men) absorb and carry living DNA and cells from every male they ever have had sexual intercouse with. In fact anyone who has assumed male spermatozoa into their bodily system has the living cells and genetic energetic imprint/signature of each individual whose sperm they have consumed or received IN ANY WAY.?

Seems there is no one, who knows ,yet it makes sense, to carry dna from sperm.


I came across "Transcity" site today,thought it well done,informative- 7/12/2018

In regard to the aikāne relationship, Lieutenant James King stated that "all the chiefs had them". He recounts a tale that Captain Cook was actually asked by one chief to leave King behind, considering such an offer a great honor. A number of Cook's crew related tales of the tradition with great disdain. American adventurer and sailor, John Ledyard commented in detail about the tradition as he perceived it. The relationships were official and in no way hidden. The sexual relationship was considered natural by the Hawaiians of that time.[5]

When painter Paul Gauguin first came to Tahiti he was mistaken for a māhū, due to his flamboyant manner of dress for the times.[5] His 1893 painting Papa Moe depicts a māhū drinking from a small waterfall.[6]

The missionaries to Hawaii introduced homophobic and transphobic biblical laws there in the 1820s; and under their influence Hawai'i's first anti-sodomy law was published in 1850. These laws led to the social stigmatization of the māhū in Hawai'i. Beginning in the mid-1960s the Honolulu City Council required trans-women to wear a badge identifying themselves as male. [7]

Pape Moe (Mysterious Water)

According to Captain Bligh: "These people (māhū), says Tynah, are particularly selected when boys and kept with the women solely for the caresses of the men ... Those who he connected with him have their beastly pleasures satisfied between his thighs, but they are no farther sodomites as they all positively deny the crime." Indeed, it seems that anal sex, even in heterosexual relations was not practised in Tahiti. The māhū then was a diversion for oral sex, since many Tahitian men claimed that it's just like doing it with a woman, but his (māhū) way of doing it is better than with a woman ... When you go to a woman it is not always satisfactory. When you go to the māhū it's more satisfactory. The sexual pleasure is very great." However, fellatio was not reciprocal, as one Tahitian explained: "I was "done" by a māhū ... He "ate" my penis. He asked me to suck his. I did not suck it ... He offered me money. I said I would hit him. I did not want that sort of thing, it is disgusting." Despite this, there was a Tahitian belief that semen is like a vitamin supplement. "(māhū) really believe that (semen) is first class food for them," said one Tahitian man. "Because of that māhū are strong and powerful. The seminal fluid goes throughout his body ... I've seen many māhū and I've seen that they are very strong." Sodomy was also denied by other islanders. The mangaians, for example, thought anal sex ridiculous, yet were quick to point out that it took place on the other Cook Islands. It is possible, of course, that the Polynesians were quick to realise the disgust with which white men regarded sodomy, and in their eagerness to accommodate them as trading partners flatly denied any such behaviour in their community. So, Europeans began to view māhū not as substitute women, nor as sodomites, but as an alternative sexual arrangement for the sole gratification of men.


Excerpt from above site : The mahu might be a practising homosexual or remain chaste, like a girl making a vow of chastity. What defines them is not how or with whom they make love, but that, having been born with the sexual organs of a man, they have opted for femininity, usually from childhood, and that, helped by their family and community, they have become women, in their way of dressing, walking, talking, singing, working and often, but clearly not necessarily, of making love.

One of the reasons why, despite the prohibitions of the Churches, the mahu survived in Maori society during the nineteenth century was that they could count on the hidden complicity of the European colonists. They hired mahus to work as domestic servants – cooks, child-minders, launderers, etc – because for these household tasks the mahus were generally competent and, according to public opinion, ‘irreplaceable’. And in certain songs, dances and public ceremonies the Mahus were also indispensible, because they are strictly for them, traditional expressions of what we might call that third sex, that are markedly different from male and female expressions.

Is it true that today, unlike what happened in earlier Polynesian society, 90 per cent of mahus are of humble origin, and that there is something like a relationship of cause and effect between the mahu and the poorest and most marginal sectors of indigenous society? (I hasten to add the proviso that ‘poverty’ and ‘marginality’ are concepts that, in Tahiti and the Marquesas Islands, bear little relationship to the extremes of injustice and inhumanity that these words express, for example, in Latin America.) It must be the case, since I was given the information by a sociologist from the University of Papeete, who has studied Maori society for many years. He also told me that whereas in the past it was often the case that if a family had a number of boys, their own parents would decide to educate one of the boys as a girl, today nobody is a mahu through parental imposition, but through their own free choice.

    One of the reasons why, despite the prohibitions of the Churches, the mahu survived in Maori society during the nineteenth century was that they could count on the hidden complicity of the European colonists. They hired mahus to work as domestic servants – cooks, child-minders, launderers, etc – because for these household tasks the mahus were generally competent and, according to public opinion, ‘irreplaceable’. And in certain songs, dances and public ceremonies the Mahus were also indispensible, because they are strictly for them, traditional expressions of what we might call that third sex, that are markedly different from male and female expressions.


“Māhū is the expression of the third self,   ” Kaumakaiwa Kanaka‘ole, a Native Hawaiian activist and performer told Mana magazine.       “It is not a gender, it’s not an orientation, it’s not a sect, it’s not a particular demographic and it’s definitely not a race. It is simply an expression of the third person as it involves the individual. When you find that place in yourself to acknowledge both male and female aspects within and accept the capacity to embrace both … that is where the māhū exists and true liberation happens.”


Miss Poehine: Tahiti’s Transgender Pageant,  I can relate, I like Idea of being as,Tahiti's “rae-rae” With outgoing Bora-Bora queen. Miss Poehine 2011

                                                                                             Me--------------→In Transition to being as " effeminate" as I can.

I was looking up "word " -Creed-, I liked this definition "

Without reading the long document about the group's beliefs — its creed — he knew he didn't fit in, because he just couldn't bow to the 12-foot statue of a rabbit, no matter what it symbolized.

A creed can be a formal doctrine, or system of beliefs, for a church or religious group, or it can be a philosophy, or personal set of beliefs. The origins of the word are in the Latin crēdō, "I believe," once specific to the Christian faith, but by the 17th century it was used for many different faiths. Companies, societies, and disciplines might also adopt a creed — as in a political creed, a national creed, or a management creed — that lays out a particular belief-system or way of doing things.

       my creed is non-masculinity,I don't desire doing "so called masculine things ". never have.

       androgynous- "

Androgyny is the combination of masculine and feminine characteristics. Usually used to describe characters or people who have no specific gender, gender ambiguity may also be found in fashion, gender identity, sexual identity, or sexual lifestyle.

In the case of gender identity, terms such as genderqueer, or gender neutral are more commonly used. 

        Genderqueer  Gender identity is separate from sexual or romantic orientation,[5] and genderqueer people have a variety of sexual orientations, just as transgender and cisgender people do.

       Autogynephilic to a high level idealize the idea of being female, derive feelings of security and comfort from my autogynephilic fantasies and enactments, and typically want to embody their feminine identities in an enduring way,being seen as effeminate in appearance,role no matter what gender I mate with. When I have sex with another male,I am seeking to derive "being effemininate ",thus when a straight male,mounts me,has his penis in my bottom,then ejaculates into me, it is the highest satisfaction,I can achive to be "effeminate",female like

Psychologically Androgynous

        Many androgynes identify as being mentally between woman and man.

          Psychologically androgyny refers to a person’s ability to be at the same time nurturant and time aggressive, rigid and sensitive, and submissive and dominant. This ability can be experienced by both men and women. Some experts claim that this term is often used to explain someone whose behaviour go down somewhere in between the characteristics that are connected with males and females.

Gender Schema Theory Explained


The gender schema theory tries to explain the cognitive process that happens as people learn and internalize gender roles. This theory denotes that gender becomes a core lens through which people learn to see the world, recognize people, things and characteristics as being inherently feminine and masculine. The two concepts, psychologically androgyny and gender schematism, sparked a furry of psychology research into gender and how it affects intellectual health. Experts claimed that psychologically androgyny was linked with positive psychological results, especially in women.

Sandra Bem states that if a person takes on both feminine and masculine personality traits in profusion, they become mentally androgynous. It means that they can pick personality traits as they want and people are not inhibited by cultural stereotypes symbolizing their sex. In her study, she revealed that sex-typed individual favoured stereotypical activities even if it cost them to do so. She also claimed that androgynous individuals were also more capable of showing a minority opinion and having greatest flexibility in approaching situations. These traits are psychologically vigorous for them.

Psychologists explain that there are some things that men do that are completely considered as feminine. The typical examples of these are cooking and crying. Similarly, there are some traits that are considered as masculine which can be used to identify some women like tough or strong. Some degrees of masculine characteristics in women and feminine attitudes in men are considered normal. However, it is essential that you should not be confused psychologically androgyny with hermaphroditism. When an individual is a hermaphrodite, he is of mixed sex. Thus, the person’s sex may not be absolutely definable. The androgyny person, on the hand other hand, has mixed gender.

Why “Psychological Androgyny” Is Essential for Creativity-brainpickings.org

         excerpts from brainpickings:  " In all cultures, men are brought up to be “masculine” and to disregard and repress those aspects of their temperament that the culture regards as “feminine,” whereas women are expected to do the opposite. Creative individuals to a certain extent escape this rigid gender role stereotyping. When tests of masculinity/femininity are given to young people, over and over one finds that creative and talented girls are more dominant and tough than other girls, and creative boys are more sensitive and less aggressive than their male peers."

        "A psychologically androgynous person in effect doubles his or her repertoire of responses and can interact with the world in terms of a much richer and varied spectrum of opportunities. It is not surprising that creative individuals are more likely to have not only the strengths of their own gender but those of the other one, too.

          A question I have is Have Societie's view on gender identities other then straight male or female  Destroyed the great                   creative contributions these individuals (Third-gender types )could have brought to the very Society they Lived in ?


          Creativity: The Psychology of Discovery and Invention  by  Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi ,is a revelatory read in its entirety, featuring insights on the ideal conditions for the creative process, the key characteristics of the innovative mindset, how aging influences creativity, and invaluable advice to the young from Csikszentmihalyi’s roster of 91 creative luminaries. Complement this particular excerpt with Ursula K. Le Guin on being a man — arguably the most brilliant meditation on gender ever written, by one of the most exuberantly creative minds of our time.


The classic study of the creative process from the bestselling author of Flow

Creativity is about capturing those moments that make life worth living. Legendary psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (“The leading researcher into ‘flow states.’” — Newsweek) reveals what leads to these moments—be it the excitement of the artist at the easel or the scientist in the lab—so that this knowledge can be used to enrich people's lives.

Drawing on nearly one hundred interviews with exceptional people, from biologists and physicists, to politicians and business leaders, to poets and artists, as well as his thirty years of research on the subject, Csikszentmihalyi uses his famous flow theory to explore the creative process. He discusses such ideas as why creative individuals are often seen as selfish and arrogant, and why the "tortured genius" is largely a myth. Most important, he explains why creativity needs to be cultivated and is necessary for the future of our country, if not the world.

I like this video because I was with a group of ladies,and  asked if they would film me nude with their horse,,there was nothing sexual about it. just fun.