Caught between Two worlds

I personally think now, I had to accept the Fact that I wasn't attracted to other females in a role of, "to be their boyfriend",that I was attracted to them to " just be their friend ",because I identified as being Like them,I wanted to just do things with them like girls to together,talk about men together with them,such what men are cute,sexy etc.I wanted to always tell them "I wish I was a girl", "I should of been a girl". Yet I was ashamed that "I wanted to be a Girl", so how could I tell them?-6/19/2018

                                                   "I want to be some ones "Girl Friend"

“Gender dysphoria is a condition where a person experiences discomfort or distress because there’s a mismatch between their biological sex and gender identity. It’s sometimes known as gender identity disorder (GID), gender incongruence or transgenderism.”

Personally for myself, it might be explained in a fashion of:

        Accepting yourself as a "Male",realizing you are not suppose to be male, like                   something got mixed up at the "baby factory"

like to dress up like her but can't

                  ♠  The "penis" thing,I came across this photo,this morning on pinterest,saw                           it,thought- "it would be fun to dress up like her,but I can't cause I have a penis!

                   ♣   Accepting  the penis  I want it tiny and " Insignificant "
                            I really noticed this first while Posing for artists,Life Drawing Classes,hoping it would stay tiny as possible,not draw                               attention,one reason I started shaving (my genital area smooth)

Symptoms -psychologytoday.com

Gender dysphoria looks different in different age groups. Below is the criteria that health professionals look at to diagnose gender dysphoria in children, adolescents and adults.


  • An incongruence between the child's experienced/expressed gender and the gender they were assigned at birth. This incongruence is present for at least six months.
  • A strong desire to be of the other gender or an insistence that one is the other gender
  • In boys (assigned gender), a strong preference for cross-dressing
  • In girls (assigned gender, a strong preference for wearing only typical masculine clothing
  • A strong preference for cross-gender roles in make-believe or fantasy play
  • A strong preference for the toys, games, or activities stereotypically used by the other gender
  • A strong dislike of one's sexual anatomy
  • Clinically significant distress or impairment in major areas of functioning, such as social relationships, school, or home life

Adolescents and Adults

  • An incongruence between the individual's experienced/expressed gender and primary sex characteristics (sexual organs) and/or secondary sex characteristics (breasts, underarm hair). This incongruence is present for at least six months.
  • A strong desire to be rid of one's primary primary and/or secondary sex characteristics
  • A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender
  • A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender)
  • A strong desire to be treated as the other gender
  • A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender
  • Clinically significant distress or impairment in major areas of functioning, such as social relationships, school, or home life 

Cross-gender behaviors begin as early as 2 years, which is the start of the developmental period in which children begin expressing gendered behaviors and interests. Early-onset gender dysphoria typically starts in childhood and continues into adolescents and adulthood, which late-onset gender dysphoria occurs around puberty or much later in life. 


The cause of gender dysphoria is unknown, but hormonal influences in the womb are suspected to be involved. The condition is rare and may occur in children or adults.

Onset of cross-gender interests and activities is usually between ages 2 and 4 years, and some parents report that their child has always had cross-gender interests. Only a very small number of children with gender dysphoria will continue to have symptoms in later adolescence or adulthood. Typically, children are referred around the time of school entry because of parental concern that what they regarded as a phase does not appear to be passing.

Adult onset is typically in early to mid-adulthood. There are two different courses for the development of gender dysphoria:

  • The first, typically found in late adolescence or adulthood, is a continuation of gender dysphoria that had an onset in childhood or early adolescence.
  • In the other course, the more overt signs of cross-gender identification appear later and more gradually, with a clinical presentation in early to mid-adulthood.

The later-onset group:

  • May be more fluctuating in the degree of cross-gender identification
  • More ambivalent about sex-reassignment surgery
  • More likely to be sexually attracted to women
  • Less likely to be satisfied after sex-reassignment surgery.
  • Males with gender dysphoria who are sexually attracted to males tend to present in adolescence or early childhood with a lifelong history of gender dysphoria. In contrast, those who are sexually attracted to females, to both males and females or to neither sex tend to present later. If gender dysphoria is present in adulthood, it tends to have a chronic course, but spontaneous remission has been reported.

I have at Times- very much considered " Feminizing Hormones ", and still do  occasionally to relieve, desire sexually to be with a man,and appear more feminine, I like being seen publicly as a very effeminate male,actually wish that everyboy sees that I am the way I am "I guess I can say I am happy to be a Fem-male",though I don't get a chance to see many Black Males,due to the very rural area I currently live,when I do they very much get my attention,get me excited,I do know if the chance ,presented it's self, I very ready and willing to get "Boned again",,yet I think " I wish them Attracted to me First "- not sure why, yet this is where "Looking more Fem ,might help"...often I wish  I could walk up to them say "Hi .I am a Fem-male,and and love black guys to -bone- me,would you like to?"..I ain't that brave though.