Feeling Bad about Sex as a Fem-male

Believe me,although I now feel very content "being a Fem-male" as I identify as,it has been a long struggle mentally.

I think for myself, there was that "Condemned" feeling,emotion after the realization sets in-" I just had another male's penis up inside my body,like a female would,and that is what I like"

For example : many guys having said to me (during our sexual encounters) "Michael, you should having been born a girl". that is the greatest thing they can say to me,as it really does make me feel very good,and accepted.

Dr. Stephen Petteruti explains the brain science behind the emotional downside of the male refractory period.

What is it that turns desire into ambivalence, an erotic touch into discomfort, the thrill of pursuit into the desire for escape? Sometimes referred to as “post orgasm regret”, the technical term for it is the “refractory period” and it occurs to every man immediately after intercourse.

Why does it occur, what’s happening in your brain, and why do such feelings exist?

Think of your brain as being split into two basic parts; the frontal lobe and the primitive brain (also known as the limbic system). The frontal lobe is where philosophy, religion, ethics and all the higher orders of human living exist. Poetry, engineering, even activities such as writing this article flow from this highly developed center of intellect. While such lofty pursuits are essential to develop the higher order of human living that we have come to appreciate, it does little to propagate the species. At some point, we have to put down the pen, and let desire flourish.- Good Men Project / Post Orgasm regret

Note- for myself this used to be intense,a 24 hour or longer ,like a mini depression, However since accepting my gender identity,this has become very short ,and no guilt feelings

note-I often might masturbate before seeing a man, to help prevent having a erection when with a man as well as Posing for Art class.not always yet at times- due to fact,,in both situations it was very Important   "Not to get a Erection" a. being with a man,I only wished to present myself as Femnine as possible b. for Art class,it would be embarrassing


For myself, to overcome the feeling bad, I had to realize it comes by "Societal Construct",and through man-made religions,moral codes,etc.-so I had to overcome these belief's,realize how oppressing they are,to the degree of "Terrorizing ",in all reality "refuse to be Terrorized"- this it not easy when one has to live where they live!

I personal believe as a "Society"..if we condemn,not support the individuals whom are different then the" Normal",this is what can happen-"Thinking You’re A Bad Person Makes You A Bad Person"-What we find in our experiments is that once we start thinking of ourselves as polluted, there is not much incentive to behave well, and the trip down the slippery slope is likely.

So, through what "I call now, Societies Terrorizing of the Individual"- we create mental illness,drug addiction,then Crime!

Go Ask Alice

Who is Alice!?

Alice! is not one person, but a team. The Go Ask Alice! site is supported by a team of Columbia University health promotion specialists, health care providers, and other health professionals, along with a staff of information and research specialists and writers. Our team members have advanced degrees in public health, health education, medicine, counseling, and a number of other relevant fields.

If you’ve experienced depression after intercourse, you aren’t alone. (Post-Coital Dysphoria )

Albert Ellis

      Albert Ellis (September 27, 1913 – July 24, 2007) was an American psychologist who in 1955 developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). He held MA and PhD degrees in clinical psychology from Columbia University and the American Board of Professional Psychology (ABPP). He also founded and was the President of the New York City-based Albert Ellis Institute for decades.[1] He is generally considered to be one of the originators of the cognitive revolutionary paradigm shift in psychotherapy and one of the founders of cognitive-behavioral therapies.[2]

Albert Ellis, a excerpt about "certainties and change"-In 1958, Ellis published his classic work Sex Without Guilt which came to be known for its advocacy of a liberal attitude towards sex. He contributed to Paul Krassner's magazine The Realist; among its articles, in 1964 he wrote if this be heresy... Is pornography harmful to children?[20] In 1965, Ellis published a book entitled Homosexuality: Its Causes and Cure, which partly saw homosexuality as a pathology and therefore a condition to be cured. In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association reversed its position on homosexuality by declaring that it was not a mental disorder and thus not properly subject to cure, and in 1976, Ellis clarified his earlier views in Sex and the Liberated Man, expounding that some homosexual disturbed behaviors may be subject to treatment but, in most cases, that should not be attempted as homosexuality is not inherently good or evil, except from a religious viewpoint (See "Ellis and religion", below). Near the end of his life, he finally updated and re-wrote Sex Without Guilt in 2001 and released as Sex Without Guilt in the Twenty-First Century. In this book, he expounded and enhanced his humanistic view on sexual ethics and morality and dedicated a chapter on homosexuality to giving homosexuals advice and suggestion on how to more greatly enjoy and enhance their sexual love lives. While preserving some of the ideas about human sexuality from the original, the revision described his later humanistic opinions and ethical ideals as they had evolved in his academic work and practice.

 (note) my point here Albert Ellis made a "Certainity statement"(homosexuality as a pathology and therefore a condition to be cured),yet by end of his life he came to realize he certainly had his view point change-"dedicated a chapter on homosexuality to giving homosexuals advice and suggestion on how to more greatly enjoy and enhance their sexual love lives."
   note-5/26/2018   We all claim "Certainities",the key is to evolve and admit,that,that certainity no longer applies!...becoming Humble.

There is a phrase in the "Bible" I always liked-" the meek shall inherit the Earth"


meeker (comparative adjective) · meekest (superlative adjective)
  1. quiet, gentle, and easily imposed on; submissive.
    "I used to call her Miss Mouse because she was so meek and mild" ·
    "the meek compliance of our politicians"

For myself, it was very important that if I was in a relationship with a female, that she realize that I was "Fem-male",and that our relationship had to be more like "just two female friends",that sexual,it had to be like a lesbian type interaction(examples: I wished to be pegged with a strap-on by her,I didn't wish to have my penis in her,yet I was happy to "peg her with a strap-on".If she chose to "Cuckold me" (have sex with a real man),I understood,and he could "top me too",if she and he desired. My friendship with her was most important, yet this is difficult for most to swallow,,which I understand.

-This is what my writing "Terrace",is mainly about,except in Terrace,I have evolved to be a member of the Traid group,Jodi,William and myself-my role is not "male" or just a term I use "Real Male",for example Jodi and William,sleep in same bed together,go out in public together as a conventional male/female couple. If Jodi and I go shopping together, I can wear a skirt or jeans,what ever is fitting,same as with ,if William and I do something together,publicly,I am seen as a "Fem-male" and just a very good friend ,that lives with Jodi and William. William is a heterosexual male,he simply ,for my sake,"breeds me" anally,and lets me suck his cock.Jodi and I don't have any form of sexual contact.Yet her and I might shower together,I help her dress,we are nude together a lot,yet it is not sexual,she is present or not present when William and I are engaged in sexual contact, doesn't matter.

This is a good place to empathize, that for a society to be evolved ,Female acceptance of the Fem-male as a person is very important,and that a Str8 or heterosexual male(Real man) to have sexual contact with a Fem-male doesn't make him Homosexual in his identity,,,as mentally my sexual "Identity" is Female. I just don't have a female body.

Even though,nearly all the men whom I have been with as their "fem-boy",have been" black non-fem Men",on the "Down-low" one might say,both them and I had to meet in a secretive fashion,some that were married or had girl friends,told them about having sex with me,I always wanted my boyfriends to be open with them,join us,watch us etc.I don't like "cheating",due to someone will get hurt most likely,

Also if their female partner seen I was very much Fem-male.not gay male.the "Threat" of their Man,not being manly was erased.I for example had one boyfriend's wife whom called me "Miss Michael",when I would talk to her,I wanted my boyfriends to tell them,"Michael wants to be like a women, so I help him in that Role", so I would often thank the Ladies for sharing their man with me.

I would make it clear,that their man,isn't gay,we don't kiss,make-out like traditional lovers,he doesn't touch my penis in anyway

My role a Fem-male,1. I never kiss men or women, like traditional homosexual or heterosexual lovers do.
                                 2. I am the one in the submissive,sissy,role.
                                 3. my bottom is my alternative to a real women's vagina

I don't think I have ever really seriously considered transforming to look Lady-Like,knowing that "I can never be a Real Woman".

I never have not liked having a penis,I wish it wouldn't get erect,I prefer it be small,and stay flaccid ,seldom have I ever been erect when with a man.Mostly when I climax , I am in a flaccid state.I seldom anymore get a erection to reach climax as I simply use a dildo in my bottom for climaxing-"for me the flaccid state is Fem".Even in past,if a Lady pegged me,I was flaccid,and would climax.

I like this symbol of "flaccid": lacking force or effectiveness : lackluster · ineffective · ineffectual · lifeless · listless · muted · spiritless · lusterless · uninspiring · apathetic · unanimated · tame · worthless · futile · fruitless

By no means do I like being referred to as Sissy,in a disrespectful way,yet I like when a guy calls me a sissyboy,etc.in a playful or erotic way.

One of the Reasons I wanted to write this out:

                                                                             I think that being a Fem-male,especially in regards to having sex with whom ever it might be Male,Female,any Gendered person, it is important they know the "Role" you play, And the Role they wish to or can play.

And for myself,I can only be female like,perform fellatio(suck cock) and be penetrated anally(my bottom),and I don't wish to kiss(make-out),like seen traditional.

I always tell anyone ,you must be drug-free,no STD's,because I want "Bare-Backed" (no condom),I want a Man whom can ejaculate in both in my bottom and mouth.

I don't think there is any room for "Assuming" when it comes to having "Sex" - I was very Lucky to have been "Bare-Backed" by so many great men,whom were honest!

Magazine I like that deal with gender issues often

Gender Identity Disorder Essay:

                  Living a life feeling out of place,with the wrong feelings, and in the wrong body, for a person with Gender Identity Disorder, this is how they feel day to day. According to the DSM-IV-TR, Gender Identity Disorder is characterized by a strong, persistent cross-gender identification, persistent discomfort with his or her sex or sense of inappropriateness in their gender role of that sex. According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), children, adolescents and adults who exhibit a preoccupation with getting rid of or losing their primary and secondary sex characteristics, associated with different mannerisms and actions of the opposite sex; while holding a belief that he or she was born the wrong sex are believed to be classified with a Gender Identity Disorder. In order for Gender Identity Disorder to be applied to the person affected, the disturbance cannot be concurrent with a physical intersex condition and the conditions must cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other areas of functioning. (Tavener 581)
Growing up with Gender Identity Disorder, a child typically shows the attributes and mannerisms in dress and play of the opposite sex. There will be a gender reversal in the sense of each gender stereotype. Boys will avoid roughhousing and play fighting; they might find a better sense of comfort in traditionally feminine clothing. In the adverse side, girls growing up with this disorder will find the more rough and tumble play rewarding along with loose fitting masculine attire. A child’s ability to self-identify as male or female will directly influence their preferences for playmates and toys; children whose gender-identity is developed are more likely to prefer same-sex ...

Being aware of self " Systematic desensitization " and meanings of " Desensitization (psychology)" in order to "Come Out to Self and the Culture,Society one lives in ," The Pack "- 6/16/2018

Personally for myself, I think Subconsciously,  Posing for art classes was a way,I could reveal that my gender identity was different,and it did prepare me better to accept myself as a "Fem-male", this could be a route for those whom feel they have "Gender Dysphoria"

I think "Cuckolding",was very much a  subconscious way of testing the waters,- I truly didn't realize why I had such a "Desire".

If I where a Mental health professional,what might I ask,and what might I advise a "Trans-Gender identifying person",young or old?.

        I might ask," try to put all social construct aside,"Whom do you see as a "Role Model,some one you would like to most be                    like,either gender,male or female       Can I call you by your preferred gender name? mine is "Michelle"

         Do you "cry" at movies, when you see a special bond between two beings,humans or animals ?  I do!

         have you heard of " HSP"- Highly sensitive people   (a hsp type might be more prone for depression,thus suicide)

         What behaviors do you take part in, of the gender you feel you prefer?

          Do you feel a need to Confirm your sexual identity to society?

          Do you feel if the Whole World could see you as your preferred gender,it would be good for you?

         Do you ever feel like - " If I could get this gender identity issue thing, out of the way,then I can move on with Life?

          Do you have sex currently with the gender of your same sex? If so does this help confirm your preferred sex ? example: I                  am a male,and by having sex with a straight male, where I am acting as female, help me feel female.

          If like myself, a male to female type , "have you imagined having a vagina?,thus having a penis inside that way,Have you ever             imagined, having a baby?thus breast feeding/having breasts,just for the purpose of feeding the child, not for indentifying as a               female?,not for just attracting a male

           Do you think if you transform your body,you truly will be that sex?

          If you are male to female transgender,non-0p could you sexually be with a female to male,Non-op (she could peg you) ?

         . Have you ever dressed as prefer sex publicly? 

         . What type people do you like to be around?

         . describe best the type person you are sexually attracted to,their body style,and their personality.

        . Do you feel you see the World realistically ?

         11. describe your spiritual beliefs

          12. do you worry often ,what others think of you ?

          14. Would you prefer dressing as your prefer sex, when you come to talk to me?

          15.What do you know about the function of the "Human Ego "?"

           16. Imagine I have a magic wand, I have the ability to transform you into your desired sex, would you wish that? Only one                          catch - " If I do you will be sent to a new colony,where you will never again be able to have a sexual relationship,with the                      gender, you are sexually attracted to.    Or no sexual relationships at all with any gender?,  could you do that?,,live a life of                  celibacy ?

             17. For myself,it is more important I feel like a Female inside, then actual have sex as a Female,thus been able to be celibate                    the last 13 years. How do you feel about "the need to simply feel like your prefer gender,,just for your self- as though on a                    deserted island all alone,no one to impress, except yourself?

              18. What if I could only transform you into a un-attractive version of you preferred gender,yet you still would be full-blooded                       that gender,would you do that? example male to female= one butt ugly female, yet fully female!??,your personality,just                         very un-attractive. and you don't have to go to the "Colony",and be celibate!- would you do that?

            19. Personally I would go for being the " Fully Female" ugly I think,due to the need to be part of the "Pack",helping the                               Whole,and to be honest , maybe some of the males might mate with me,have a child,and raise the child,teach the child                        well,thus a chance at a new better generation(.if seeking female)So as a female do you wish a similar way?-looks are not                    that important and can be very much a illusion.Smarts,and caring much more important.


-to be continued-6/16/2018-

My intuition tells me, that a good many trans-gender types may be "Hsp",due to high depression and suicide rate, a Paradox- the need to be accepted by their society,because they care for the society as a whole deeply,when rejected,it is to much to bare.


Could my concept of the "Indigo Group " help with Gender Dysphoria and the Social acceptance of the "Fem-male" ?



                                ♥     I think personally for myself, - to be accepted by Females of Society, as a "Fem-male" is a very strong                                        desire, if not the most important. ( One of the criteria as a "Donor" in the "Indigo Group" is being a Str8                                                  male,and if married,the wife must have full disclosure,be able to observe/be present during the copulation                                            between "Donor" and "Reciever"- (Fem-male)
                                             note- I think this could only occur in a under-ground fashion,at least in beginning as say the "French                                                               Resistance" of WW-2 or say you wanted to have a Nudist Colony,it best to keep it - under the                                                                 radar- to avoid public scrutiny.   I hate to say it,yet if one stands backs and takes a look at                                                                   "Humanity", we are in a form of the Dark Ages - non evolving-, partly due to technology offering a                                                           sense of having Evolved,yet that does not mean the "individual or Society" has evolved                                                                           psychologically ! - many even believe as a whole we are at a stand-still and floundering,                                                           - I agree- we have gone " astray " and stand at a point of -having lost                                                                   the physical, mental, or moral qualities considered normal and desirable; showing                                                                   evidence of decline.

                                  ♥   As a " Fem-male ",the "Indigo Group", could be a great safe,acceptable way to have sex with men in a fully                                           transparent fashion

                                  ♥   As for the Straight men - "Donors", they are safely exploring sexuality,being "altruistic" example: of all the                                       straight black men, that "Boned me" in my role as "Fem-male", a good many whom where very                                             straight,-none- ask to perform "fellatio" on me,not one black male has ever done this,out of the                                           many  whom have boned me or I simply performed "fellatio" on.

Why Lesbianism Is Widely Accepted ? 

                                    Is it?
         This is a excerpt from "askmen.com" :    " 

biological underpinnings

Our biology offers some insight into why lesbian behavior is more widely accepted than homosexual behavior. Apparently, female sexuality is much more likely to be fluid (i.e. bisexual) while male sexuality is more likely to be dichotomous and rigid (i.e. either gay or straight.)

Some studies have shown that there are anatomical differences in certain brain structures (the hypothalamus and anterior commissure) in homosexual and heterosexual males. No corresponding dichotomy was found in the brain structures of lesbian and straight women.

Another study suggests that homosexual orientation in men may be a genetically inherited trait. However, all of these studies have been criticized for their methodological biases that reflect the homophobic prejudices of the general public.

Studies using plethysmographs — an instrument that measures physiological arousal — also point to a biological answer for explaining the differences in male and female sexuality. Heterosexual women hooked up to a plethysmograph showed symptoms of physiological arousal in response to lesbian erotica; even those women who denied having interest in sex with another woman showed arousal in these tests.

Heterosexual men, on the other hand, were much less likely to experience physiological arousal while watching male homosexual acts. Thus, women appear to be more likely to be bi-curious. Other insights into the topic come from the differences in arousal experienced by the sexes.

Biologically, women require a longer period of time to reach arousal and thus need more foreplay than men do. Lesbian acts are often described as continuous foreplay or "all play," and, thus, may appeal to many women who crave longer foreplay and longer sexual interaction than they receive with their male partners. Of course, it is difficult to separate the biological predisposition from the social conditioning described below.

evolutionary underpinnings

Evolutionary answers to our question find their root in early human history. The argument reasons that since humans evolved out of packs of animals whose social structures featured a dominant male and a group of females; this male-female dynamic may have continued on into modern day life. Proponents of evolutionary theory argue that the dominant male had sexual access to females and usually fought any other male who sought access to supremacy. Thus, male-male relationships were characterized by hostility and competition for access to the females.

On the other hand, females in the pack were only intermittently serviced by the dominant male and, at other times, could assuage their sexual desires only with each other. Moreover, the sight of two females engaging in sexual activity may have triggered the dominant male's arousal, as it was a sign that one or both of the females were entering their fertile periods. The offspring that resulted from these unions would therefore be more likely to carry genes that favored bisexuality in women and a positive male response to that bisexuality.

sociological underpinnings

Female bisexuality is clearly much more accepted in our society than male bisexuality. Even the Bible passage cited by Christians, Jews and Muslims who believe homosexuality is wrong (and not all of them do, believe me) only mentions men. Leviticus 18:22 says that a man going to bed with another man as he would with his wife is wrong, but says nothing about women sleeping together.

Within religions that condemn masturbation as a "wasting of the seed," stating that sex must always for procreation, male homosexuality is equally condemned, while female bisexuality involves no "waste" — indeed, it arguably prepares a woman to receive the male seed. In addition, the repulsion of many towards male homosexuality may find root in the "unhygienic" aspects of anal sex; which lesbianism is rarely associated with.  Throughout the centuries, women have been expected to be caring and nurturing, and therefore have been permitted far more physical contact with each other than their male counterparts. Being affectionate with another woman does not threaten a woman's sense of femininity, whereas a male expression of affection toward another man is viewed as a direct threat to his masculinity.     

Society has always bestowed greater shame and punishment on male homosexuals than upon lesbians. In fact, lesbian acts have been considered quite proper in harems and polygamous marriages — which were common in many societies in ancient times and still exist in some cultures today.

Freud suggested that men frequently suffered from "castration anxiety" and that male homosexuality could well engender such fears, while female bisexuality would not. Thus, to some extent, the social antipathy to male homosexuality may be based on such primordial fears.

On the other hand, women are taught to be pleasing to men in order to attract a mate, and having been told that men get turned on by girl-girl erotica, they are more likely to engage in lesbian acts in order to please their men. The common male fantasy of a "threesome," i.e. one male and two females, is something that many women learn about and that gives them the impression that men enjoy watching women together. This desire to please may thus encourage women to develop their bisexual interests.

Interesting look at "Societal Construct" 6/17/2018

   As a Artist model in 1998,I began shaving my pubic hair off completely smooth, I felt it looked best, that it help me look clean, and fem-like.I very much remember the first time I disrobed before the class,completely shaved, the whispers,like I think he is gay etc.,must not of offended to bad, as I continued to be asked to model for years after "completely shaved and assumed gay"

 I haven't thought about it in along time, it just is my normal routine,like shaving my face and under-arms,Then today for some reason, " I did a internet search of " whom was the first playmate to pose nude,with completely shaved pubic hair?"
The answer I got first was ,Dalene Kurtis -sep.2001
 and this site-wiki.answers.com-   What I found funny was this  "

How do you shave your pubic hairs for guys?

i think guys shave their pubic hairs is because they are gay. trimming it works just as good. but if you really want to don't use a razor. get a electric shaver. does a lot of the work for you. I beg to differ Dear My Husband is not Gay,I shave him and the reason being I find it more attractive and To be clear Oral sex is much better. A few hints for those who do Shave Use a Fusion Power razor that's all we both use. I have never been cut and always shave with the grain although we both shave against the grain with no problem it is not recommended. And for the Electric Razor Not good for us. I used a trimmer the first time but a Electric Razor burns both of use. I will also mention it is great fun grooming each other also."- Amazing to me,how people just construct,the ideas,they construct in their "Minds" by simply "Assuming". 
Dalene Kurtis

Why Are Americans Afraid of Being Naked?

        A question I have often pondered since 1998,after becoming a ArtiModel.

A beach I sometimes would go to "Mazo" a nude beach in Wisconsin, yet because of a few Bad apples,it was closed

This was beginning of a crazy time sexually for me 1998, I was "Hooked on having cock in me",,yet was very much- not mature- about it in many ways!

Yet I knew I was truly a "Fem-male",-"androgynous type male want to be in female role", every time a man "boned me" I felt great, yet soon was thinking it was "bad",,,I can't be this way.