MichaelEmeryArt

I think we have to Understand what the "Trans" stands for in" Transgender":

      tran·si·tion (trăn-zĭsh′ən, -sĭsh′-) n. 1. Change from one form, state, style, or place to another. 2. a. Change from one subject to another in discourse. Thus to change into someone New,different,be changed, to a degree a "Void" must be created,thus the Old can be replaced by the New, to certain degree one must surrender Old self(the socially acted out Self) for " True Self " so the Void is making "the Space for"

Replacing a Void with Another 6/25/2018

I have though much on this Topic,as it was introduced to myself in a round about way in Alcohol-Rehab,then upon Simone Weil's "Gravity and Grace" ,in her thought that a Void must be Created,in order to transition,or allow,spirituality to take a place in your Heart,your being,you. In my Attempt to wrap my mind around this ,I have to Self-inquire,with my Questions:


  I am fairly certain,I replaced my desire/need for alcohol with sketching thoughout my entire 2 year in Rehab,I was only 1 of few           out of nearly 230 others I was with . Myself and a few others,where the Only ones whom where drawing,sketching or involved in         some form of " creativity " with a high degree of " Meditative Value"- why such a low percentage? why did this percentage reflect         the success of the whole (230)-the success rate for full recovery was less then 10%. I seen Guys leaving,seemly "recovered",yet I       seen many more die-(leave soon we would hear,they Over-Dosed,where killed etc.)

    I personally have had a innate desire to "create",drawing/sketching, I don't know why this is a Innate Desire

.     anymore then it is a Innate Desire  to be much more "Female Like",then male.
    I believe I was "naturally" attracted to "Posing for Art Classes" for a way to express myself,I think in the back of my mind,I felt it           was a "Safe" way to reveal myself socially as being " kinda different". I can honestly say there was no sexual-ploy,motive in my           mind it was - more like a great mental relief,in part the meditative value of simply "posing",part  the social aspect, being in a               safe,professional place, in part being with the females(artists).not in a sexual display ploy,if anything a way for them to accept             myself as Fem-like.


   ♠  For example my research on "Transgenderism", has filled a void,yet at same time has taken away my time from "Sketching".

     Though I am eager to not finish my research on transgender,I want to reach a point of satisfaction soon,so I may devote more            time to Sketching, I also started the "experimenting with "best method for preparing for anal sex",which I have become fairly                satisfied,that I have reach a "good way",the routine of it,diet etc.

to be continued-6/25/2018

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I was trying to make sense of Carl Jung's Anima and Animus Theory, For the reason,I feel that I have been girl-like, psychologically ever since my earliest memories,though I can remember,tiny fragments of memories back to age 6,most of those are tough to make sense of. I do feel,that I have totally now accepted myself as a "Third-gender type" and admit to myself the "Kathoey" or the term "Lady-boy" as transgender women(I am a male whom greatly wishes to be Fem-like thus in Female Role).A person talking to me in person,would most likely view me as "not very masculine"and maybe gay,yet I have had sex with gay men,it was always with gay men whom aggreed to be in the "Top" role,thus they would only "bone me " and allow me to perform "Fellatio" on them.

The Reason I have to include "Trans-Gender woman" in defining myself, is that the "Idea" of appearing "Female" is a "desire",and has been a very conscious thought and need,never to point of removal of my penis ,yet all other aspects.- Like if I could I would start Hormone therapy,get breast implants,etc.

          Yet ,for myself the Question that comes into my mind most often..is→ "In the end,what do I wish to truly Achieve ? " the answer in my mind seems to be " to be as psychologically Feminine as possible-rid myself of all masculine traits! ,or at least as possible,and fill the "Void" with "Feminine traits"

              ♥  So this then creates the Question→ "Why if I have "transitioned to psychologically Feminine " d I have a need,desire to "Transition" physically by appearance?"


               The "Void" concept is clearly in my mind, due to fact it was a Key component in my Alcohol recovery I had to replace the Void of no longer using Alcohol,with something better,and useful for myself. Thus my Writing,my sketching,self-development/self-actualizing studies and meditations,with this also came the deep look into my "Own Self ".

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Funny thing is, I very much remember in the 1960' getting a "Real color T.V set", technology has changed much in my life time,yet society as a whole clings to the "End of History Illusion ".Living in the Past.based on Old psychological ideas,beliefs,etc...Fighting the-"Evolution of Humanity"-, with tooth and nail!


If not,,Why is it nearly 2500 years ago ,People walked the Earth,far more Psychologically advanced then the Average Person today?

  A question I often ask myself.I don't have the answer,yet seek it.

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