Actually having desire to be as Feminine as possible

1998 by this Time my role was "Fem"

I at this time had gone thru, a year of being "Cuckolded by my girl-friend", and with her consent, I was seeing men sexually in my "Feminine receptive role", a very erotic time,a very much exploring time, I was having sex with "top men",as often as I could possibly fine time for, Often I would wear my "short shorts for them"( like above)


I truly believe now, for myself to self-actualize to the Highest degree, it is vital I embody my "Femininity",as much as I can,and I have a great desire to do that,maybe because I suppressed it for so long due to society induced fear.

Femininity (also called girlishness, womanliness or womanhood) is a set of attributes, behaviors, and roles generally associated with girls and women. Femininity is partially socially constructed[citation needed], being made up of both socially-defined and biologically-created factors.[2][3][4] This makes it distinct from the definition of the biological female sex,[5][6] as both males and females can exhibit feminine traits.

Traits traditionally cited as feminine include gentleness, empathy, and sensitivity,[7][8][9] though traits associated with femininity vary depending on location and context, and are influenced by a variety of social and cultural factors.

Femininity is sometimes linked with sexual objectification and sexual appeal.[29][30] Sexual passiveness, or sexual receptivity, is sometimes considered feminine while sexual assertiveness and sexual desire is sometimes considered masculine.-wikipedia

For myself ; Seeking,embracing,wanting to be "Feminine ", is the "Main Theme of myself",it really isn't about sex,that is secondary.


I like this person's video,as I can relate to her as male to female (she is a women)

her Qoute; "I used to feel intensely ashamed and embarrassed of my homosexual identity and feelings for women. I had a late coming out at age 26, and today I am proud of the queer woman that I am. "

( I am just her reverse in away)

While she is trying to embrace her masculinity, I am trying to embrace my femininity

What Really is it ; to be Feminine verse Masculine?

I have strived all my life to observe "People",try to understand them, A question,or thought I often ask myself, How feminine or masculine is this person;I observe?

I do believe I am much more psychologically "Feminine " then 50% of the women I see in modern America.

for example if I take the test above my masculinity score was 77 verse femininity score 128

excerpt from second sex; "“The relation of the two sexes is not that of two electrical poles: the man represents both the positive and the neuter to such an extent that in French hommes designates human beings, the particular meaning of the word vir being assimilated into the general meaning of the word ‘homo.’ Woman is the negative, to such a point that any determination is imputed to her as a limitation, without reciprocity… Woman has ovaries and a uterus; such are the particular conditions that lock her in her subjectivity; some even say she thinks with her hormones. Man vainly forgets that his anatomy also includes hormones and testicles. He grasps his body as a direct and normal link with the world that he believes he apprehends in all objectivity, whereas he considers woman’s body an obstacle, a prison, burdened by everything that particularizes it. ‘The female is female by virtue of a certain lack of qualities,’ Aristotle said. ‘We should regard women’s nature as suffering from natural defectiveness.’ And Saint Thomas in his turn decreed that woman was an ‘incomplete man,’ an ‘incidental’ being… ‘Woman, the relative being,’ writes Michelet. Thus Monsieur Benda declares in Le rapport d’Uriel (Uriel’s Report): ‘A man’s body has meaning by itself, disregarding the body of the woman, whereas the woman’s body seems devoid of meaning without reference to the male. Man thinks himself without woman. Woman does not think herself without man.’ And she is nothing other than what man decides; she is thus called ‘the sex,’ meaning that the male sees her essentially as a sexed being; for him she is sex, so she is it in the absolute. She is determined and differentiated in relation to man, while he is not in relation to her; she is the inessential in front of the essential. He is the Subject; he is the Absolute. She is the Other” (de Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex. Translated by Constance Borde and Shiela Malovany-Chevalier. (New York: Vintage Books, 2009): 25-26).

"Different looks at - Wife- "Role"

A view based on Bible "view

 POSITION TITLE: Wife (Support of Family)
 PURPOSE OF THE POSITION: To support and help her husband in various ways  so that he may be and do all God designed for him (Genesis 2:18-22).
REPORTS TO: God, Husband, Church Leaders 
RELATES CLOSELY WITH: Husband, Mother, Father, Mother in law and father in law

 Submitting to husband in every aspect of life as unto the Lord  (Eph 5:23, Titus 2:3-5,1Peter 3:1)
  Helping her husband in those areas of his life where he is unable to function adequately                    (Genesis 2:18 ) 

     Meeting  his needs in every aspect of the Marriage (Philippians 2:3-4, 1Peter 4:10)  Showing        respect to her husband (Ephesians 5:33) 

     Keeping the home inviting and orderly (Titus 2:3-5 Psalm 128:3 Proverbs 31:27)  

      Assisting her husband in the raising of children (Titus 2:3-5, Psalm 128:3) 

        Keeping herself beautiful inside and outside (1Peter 3:3-5) 

    Providing sexual fulfillment to her husband unconditionally (1Corinthians 7:1-5) 

           Using her skills, talents, gifts to support her husband and family as first priority  (Proverbs                  31:27, Psalm128:3, Titus 2:3-5) 

     Being loyal, trustworthy, and dependable in attitude, action, and service to her husband in                  every aspect of the relationship (Proverbs 31:10-12) 


Becoming more " Feminine"



Our number 1 agenda is to survive

My thought as looking up " Self-Agenda" was induced by a Leo's recording " how your mind distorts reality",any way yesterday I seen a young white male "cute' maybe 25 years old,and desired him to "bone me"...so I classified this as a "Self Agenda"

     When I go to the "woods" and get nude, at least in the back of my mine I often hope maybe a young cute male as someone I seen yesterday might see me,pleasantly say "hi", I pleasantly say hi in return,then as he approachs,and his manner seems none threatening,I find him attractive, How can I seem as "feminine" as possible?

      I can have my tube-top on,with my artificial breasts"

      flower in my hair

 If I desire him, as he comes closer , how can I convey to him that I am "receptive to have him "bone me "


 As I was researching " Self Agenda", I came across this website "Art of Manliness " and topic on -Don’t Have a “Self-Disclosure Agenda”-.

Breast Forms

I love this video,,as I want to be her,,and breed with him 

Again by the time recording this my role was strictly "Third-gender"-(Fa'afafine,Two-Spirit) fem type,and routinely being treated as a Lady by straight Men.


PhotobucketYoung Woman Drawing, 1801. Marie-Denise Villers (1774-1821). Oil on canvas. Metropolitan Museum of Art, Mr. and Mrs. Isaac D. Fletcher Collection, Bequest of Isaac D. Fletcher, 17.120.204.

“When it was reattributed…[Young Woman Drawing] ‘suddenly acquired feminine attributes: Its poetry, literary rather than plastic, its very evident charms, and its cleverly concealed weakness, its ensemble made up from a thousand subtle attributes, all seem to reveal the feminine spirit.’ ”2 In other words, when attributed to a well-respected, male artist, Young Woman Drawing was simply a lovely painting to be enjoyed. However, once recognized as the work of a woman, the painting developed faults and innately feminine attributes that had never before been apparent.

Alfred Steiglitz (1864-1946), photographer and owner of the New York Gallery 291, believed that such innate differences between the art of men and women did exist. “He stated that ‘Woman feels the World differently than Man feels it…The Woman receives the World through her Womb…’”4 Of his wife, Georgia O’Keeffe (1887-1986), Steiglitz believed that she “was very definitely a ‘woman artist’—‘I’d know she was a woman—Look at that line,’ ” he declared in January 1916.5


After doing the "Androgyny Poses" this summer, the following poses very much reflect my "True Self "

----------------------------------------------------The "Oedipus Complex"-------------------------------------------------------------

I think this page at "changingminds.org"       gives some perspectives on the concept.


In the Oedipus complex, a boy is fixated on his mother and competes with his father for maternal attention.

The opposite, the attraction of a girl to her father and rivalry with her mother, is sometimes called the Electra complex.

Sexual awakening

At some point, the child realizes that there is a difference between their mother and their father. Around the same time they realize that they are more alike to one than the other. Thus the child acquires gender.

The child may also form some kind of erotic attachment to the parent of the opposite sex. Whilst their understanding of the full sexual act may be questioned, some kind of primitive physical sensations are felt when they regard and think about the parent in question.


The primitive desire for the one parent may also awaken in the child a jealous motivation to exclude the other parent.

Transferring of affections may also occur as the child seeks to become independent and escape a perceived 'engulfing mother'.

A critical point of awakening is where the child realizes that the mother has affections for others besides itself.

Primitive jealousies are not necessarily constrained to the child and and both parents may join in the game, both in terms of competing with each other for the child's affections and also competing with the child for the affection of the other parent.

Note that opposition to parents may not necessarily be sexually based -- this can also be a part of the struggle to assert one's identity and rebellion against parental control.

The process of transitioning

A critical aspect of the Oedipal stage is loosening of the ties to the mother of vulnerability, dependence and intimacy. This is a natural part of the child becoming more independent and is facilitated by the realization that the mother desires more than just the child.

The Oedipal move blocks the routes of sexual and identification love back to the mother. She becomes a separate object, removed from his ideal self. Thus she can be the subject of object love.

This separation and externalization of love allows a transition away from narcissism of earlier stages.

The father's role in this is much debated. In a number of accounts, such as Lacan's symbolic register, the child transitions their attentions from mother to father.

The father effectively says 'You must be like me -- you may not be like the mother -- you must wait to love her, as I do.' The child thus also learns to wait and share attention.


The boy thus returns to the mother as a separate individual. That separation may be emphasized with scorn and a sense of mastery over women. that can also be seen in the long separation of boys and girls in play and social relationships. This is a source of male denigration of women.

Women become separated reminders of lost and forbidden unity. Their unique attributes, from softness to general femininity are, in consequence, also lost and must be given up as a part of the distancing process. Women become thus both desired and feared. The symbolic phallus becomes a means of protection for the boy and the rituals of mastery used to cover up feelings of loss.

Separation leads to unavailability and hence the scarcity principle takes effect, increasing desire. Women thus create a tension in boys between a lost paradise and dangerous sirens.

Excessive separation leads to a sense of helplessness that can in turn lead to patterns of idealized control and self-sufficiency.

Whilst the boy becomes separated from the mother, it is a long time before he can be independent of her and hence must develop a working relationship that may reflect the tension of love and difference he feels.

The relationship thus may return to a closer mother-son tie, where the point of healthy distance is a dynamically negotiated position, such that comforting is available but is required only upon occasion.

What about the girls?

Most writings about the Oedipal stage focus largely or exclusively on boys, who are seen to have a particular problem as they start with an attachment to the Mother that they have to relinquish both from the point of view of individual independence and especially as a result of the social incest taboo which forbids excessively-close in-family relationships.

The Electra complex, identified by Carl Jung, occurs where a triangle of mother-father-daughter plays out is not a part of traditional psychoanalysis. It is neither a direct mirror image of Oedipus, as the start position is female-female connection.

Jung suggested that when the girl discovers she lacks penis that her father possesses, she imagines she will gain one if he makes her pregnant, and so moves emotionally closer to him. She thus resents her mother who she believe castrated her.

The father symbolizes attractive power and a potentially hazardous male-female relationship is formed, with predictable jealousies and envy as the mother completes the triangle. The dangers of incestuous abuse add, and perhaps develop, the female position of siren temptation.

Girls, as well as boys, need to find independence and their separation from the mother is a matter of creating a separate femininity. This is not as strong a separation as boys and girls can sustain a closer female-female relationships with the mothers. This perhaps explains something of why relationships with others is a more important part of a female life than it is for a male.

The father does provide a haven from female-female jealousies, and so a healthy father-daughter relationship may be built, that also includes appropriate distance. As with mother-son, once the incest taboos are established, a uniquely satisfying opposite-sex relationship can be built, although secret desires for the father can result in the girl feeling some guilt about the relationship.


There are three common threads in the Oedipus complex: The primacy of the desire for one-ness, the maternal embodiment of this and the necessity of paternal intervention.

Historical Oedipus

In the Greek play by Sophocles, Laius, king of Thebes, is told by an oracle that he would be killed by his son and so leaves Oedipus out on the mountainside to die. Oedipus is rescued by a shepherd and taken to the king of Corinth who raises him as a son.

Oedipus, in turn, is told by the Delphic oracle that he will kill his father and marry his mother. Horrified by this, he flees Corinth. At a crossroads he meets Laius, quarrels and kills him. At Thebes, he correctly answers the sphinx's question and hence wins the hand of Jocasta, his real mother, with whom he had two sons and two daughters. When at last the truth comes out, Jocasta hangs herself and Oedipus, finding her, blinds himself with her golden brooch.

Electra was the daughter of Agamemnon who helped plan the murder of her mother.


Freud puts the Oedipal stage as occurring between 3-5 years. He considers it a stage where the child experiences an erotic attachment to one parent and hostility toward the other parent. The ensuing triangular tension is seen as being the root of most mental disorders.

Freud cites the incest taboo as as at the root of many other prohibitions. He sees the struggle against this as a core part of this development period with transgressions in practice and phantasy.

'We cannot get away from the assumption that man's sense of guilt springs from the Oedipus complex and was acquired at the killing of the father by the brothers banned together'. (Freud, 1930)

Freud links the Oedipus complex with development the superego, which uses guilt to prevent continuation of incestuously oriented relationships.

Failure to get past this trigger point and into the symbolic order is considered to be a classic cause of lasting neurosis.


For Lacan, the mother is characterized by 'lack' of a phallus. The pre-Oedipal child tries to make good the lack. But the mother desires the phallus that will cover over her division in language. The child then realizes its own lack, or 'castration' and seeks to speak or use words such that it can stand in for that which is missing.

The child can hence either speak itself from the position of 'having the phallus' or lacking it. Having a penis, boys are more likely to take the former position. However, taking this position requires living up to the god-like status of having the phallus.

Note that Lacan considered that the Oedipal stage can be successfully navigated without the father, as long as cultural norms and prohibitions can be met, as it is these, rather than the father himself which facilitates the way through


Jacqueline Rose uses Lacan to show how sexual identity is acquired through the Oedipus crisis, rather than being something innate.


Melanie Klein, through her work with young children, saw Oedipal conflict occurring much earlier than Freud and involving part-objects rather than whole parent-figures, and including infantile sadism. How early this starts has been questioned including a consideration that some version of the Oedipal stage occurring almost from the very beginning, at least in phantasy. She see emotional and sexual development occurring:

 '...from early infancy onwards includes genital sensations and trends, which constitute the first stages of the inverted [desire toward the same-sex parent and aggression toward opposite sex one] and positive Oedipus complex.' (Klein, 1945)

She places the Oedipal complex as occurring in the paranoid-schizoid position, where the infant's world is largely split and relations are mainly to part-objects. Thus the Oedipal stage involves working through the paranoid-schizoid position to the depressive position.

As well as the classic early Oedipus complex, Klein also identifies the Oedipal situation which occurs throughout life.

She saw how children realizes a sexual link between parents at an early age, but perceives it through the infantile experience, thus conceiving of feeding one another, devouring one another, or even exchanging bodily excretions.


Wilfred Bion placed the Oedipus complex even earlier than Klein, hypothesizing an innate oedipal preconception.

He related pairing to the Oedipal stage and the importance of the family group. Early group setting are familial or kinship and these are used as later templates for group activity, and early anxieties may reappear.

Other notes

A common experience in families is that the opposite gender relationships of mother-son and father-daughter are stronger than same-sex relationships, where there may be intra-gender rivalries, for example where the daughter continues to compete with the mother for the father's attention. In most cases, the incest taboo holds and this is a relatively harmless attachment.

Oedipus represents responsibility and guilt, in contrast to Narcissus, who represents self-involvement and denial of reality. Oedipus is an escape from early fantasy of omnipotence.

The gender polarity that Oedipus creates is echoed in modern feminist concerns and male confusion as rights issues erode instinctive positions.

Moving away from the mother, for the boy, is also a part of instilling the incest taboo.

See also

Freud, S. (1930). Civilization and Its Discontents, Standard Edition, XXI

Klein, M. (1945) 'The Oedipus Complex in the Light of Early Anxieties', International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 26, 11-33


9/10/2018-     I believe now after studying "Oedipus Complex", this is and always has been a factor in my "sexual identity", I believe I have always feared studying -Oedipus Complex- due to tabbooness of it

    My parents divorced early,I was 6 years old, my father was gone as a role model,I seen only my mother as a role           model,Her character was of a strong lady,she had a very successful job,where my father did not.

    I can recall catching her and a new step-father in sex act,he was "boning" her from behind, 

    I can remember catching glimpses of her nude,admiring her body,yet not lusting for it, just loving it.

    Her and I always had a conflicting relationship,yet not un-loving,she often would say that I was to complex to understand.

    She died very early, I was 25 years old then, and we where working hard at getting to know each other, a very sad time in that we       had much we needed to talk of.

    I do know in my mind, she would be the One person,other then my Grand mother whom would very much accept me as I am.  

    simply...maybe not understand, yet for them,,I can hear them Saying "there is no need for to understand,nor judge,Nature has it's 

    own way"

         I do believe now because I seen her in the role that night "getting boned doggy style" , I identified with her,and a have seen that          as my "Role" to seek. I do know I have never wished his role or my fathers.

         I think this explains the common occurance with the female's that I have come close to as sexual beings, soon wishing them to            cuckold me, so that I may see them in that "Role"-getting boned by another-,  then having them bone me as well.?

          I do know this is what feels right, there is no shame attached, I know I have zero desire to be in the "Man's" role, that's why my           writing "Terrace" and how I describe my role as Michael ,is the perfect role for me.

          Another thought is, by Nature's way,  is this a way of preventing "Incest", as it very much stopped me from desiring me to have           sex with my mother?

           And once the Females I have been with start "Cuckolding" me, I can simply step a side as celibate, or the man can "bone" me            to if he wishs, thus keeping the tribe/family intact.?..

           I believe as well,at a age of 14, soon after my "First Contact",  which was to a degree "very right " I felt my role, I was getting                boned by a boyfriend ,like my mother showed me(metaphically speaking). I do know I wasn't in any way attracted to girls                      sexually in any form, just wish to be in my mothers role,be like her.

           Yet I was in boy scouts and a male adult scout leader grabbed me and attempted to sexually assalt me, I escaped his grip with            great fight, for a long time I seen men as Monsters,and could not get his image out of my mind,which even today his image is              very unpleasant, yet I hold no hate, I believe it reinforced my Idea of I don't wish to be like a "Man",

           Then all through my life,men trying to pick me up etc, cause I was "cute", I can remember often wishing not to be cute,wishing            to just be more "manly, yet it didn't seem right to be "manly"

            So putting my need to be Like my mom,had to go, yet it began a life long internal conflict of my identity

            Being "Cute" and having the desire to model for Life drawing(which being cute had no factot in my modeling,say to show off                 etc.),,all I knew I loved sketching.art etc, it gave me ability to be around people like myself. Yet it exposed me to males whom             seen me sexually,desired to "Bone me", So again,unknowingly,I was set for the "the continuation of my "feminine self", and                 once the first male, whom asked me for a date,and I found attractive,,I was very,very much wanting and ready to be in my                   "Role" as a feminine male, and Once this new male friend, had me alone I was nearly begging him to get to "Boning me" and                doggy style ,and of course climax up deep inside me.--It was unbelievingly like; "I was back in my Long lost role"

             I do think I am much more aware of my feminine and masculine traits,I simply prefer my Feminine traits. I also am much                      more aware of the ways others harbor or project their feminine and masculine traits,and to what degree. I am much more                    aware now if another harbors the traits in a "social constructed way or is true identity",if one tends toward Psychopathy, and             to degree of, those with a high masculine ego,and say in red/blue stage of spiral dynamics, I very much try to                       avoid,as I can not relate to them well at this time in my life, I see them as very animalistic, and to much a reminder               of my past with scout leader, I am nice, yet I must leave their company at first chance..put it this way,,as                               Androgyny,people may think we are sissy like,yet I have in the past been pushed to the point of using "Extreme                   Force"..and the one's that brought it on,,did not fair so well,,,,thus causing great sadness to me.

            I think in early history of man,,as the men of the tribe left on the Hunt, the was a great need to know with the                         women and children they are leaving a, or some Androgynous males whom are not a threat as far as bothering the             women or children in any sexual manner, and could draw upon a great hidden internal masculine trait, some what a             secret agent, as a enemy that might come upon the tribe while the men where away, would see only                                     women/children,,until closer attention(the Androyny dressed as the other females,thus hidden,if it were only one or
            two enemy men, the Androgyny could as the right moment kill them both quickly.

            Because the Tribes today,mostly all ,have a two-spirit type belief, allowing them to survive to be intact into modern               times.- very much something to ponder
--------------------------------------------------pondering the Idea of "keeping the family/tribe intact---------------------------------------------------------
Waiting on men to return from hunt,yet if they never return?


Delia Delions, some one I admire 

Domino Presley, I find very attractive