The "Indigo" Club -sexual content

I see now, I was creating a "tribe" for myself to be apart of in the "berdache type role" in real-life, soon after getting "gang-banged" at a party by group of young black guys, which was by all means my want/wish, and then continuing to see most of them individually for sometime,talking to them,asking them questions like "why do you like seeing me", " what aspect of having sex with me do you like best",etc. the answers ranged from, "just curious", to " my girlfriend doesn't like to perform fellatio or doesn't like anally boned" and You do!.and you act like a lady or your a Fem, I loved the "and you act like a lady or your a Fem", yet at same time I didn't like the fact that those that had girlfriends where hiding it from her, I started just telling them "ask her if she wants to watch,it ok with me" Soon, some of the girlfriend would watch.

     believe it or not ,once they seen their boyfriend with me, a common reply of the ladies to me was something to the effect                                        " Michael your no threat,you just love black cock ,least I know he ain't cheating on me "

        I liked it, for several reasons 1- we didn't have to be dishonest      2 - I loved having the company of the ladies,having them see me in my role.

                                    They didn't see or take it as "Cheating" just more like getting a massage !

excerpt from "Why Men Use Porn (and How to Get Yours to Stop)"

Dear 4spirit,

You might not like what I am going to say, but please hear me out. For women, verbally venting their frustrations is a great stress reliever. No one knows why; it just is. Well, for men, an orgasm is a great stress reliever (not to say that that isn't also the case for women). No one knows why; it just is (Actually in an upcoming Usable Insight, you will discover that there is a reason why these work, based on recent findings in neuroscience).

There are two kinds of sex -- sex with love and sex just for sex's sake. Many husbands feel guilty about having sex just for sex's sake with their wives, because they feel like they are using her as a thing (as opposed to making love to the person they care about). So instead of using their wives as things, many men use pornography and masturbation (and often feel ashamed or even pathetic for doing so - one man in a couple's session when confronted yelled in embarrassment, "Meet Hilda!" and pointed to his right hand). I'm not advocating it or saying it's a wonderful practice, I'm just saying it's fairly common and not always unhealthy. Pornography and masturbation (in moderation) have probably saved more marriages than they have hurt. I think it's pretty sad, but it's just a fact of modern life. The trick of course is to do it in moderation rather than letting it become a full time substitution for real sex.


           Any way through the above experinces I conceived the "Idea" of Indigo Club "

the "Indigo Club",
which is a group of highly educated black straight men (Donors),"..the number of "Donors" is 50,same for Recipients-10.The goal,,is that the Donors impregnate each Recipient no less then once every two weeks,yet can as often as wishs if feasible,for example in the story ..Michael starts his day out 7 days a week-5am to11am,,going to the Indigo club,,there is a private room..more like small apartment,,he can read,,etc..while he waits for a Donor..(which is always soon)..due to the fact the Donor must impregnate all 50 Recipients in two weeks,at least once.Yet is stressed to impregnate as much as possible(they all have a equal vested interest in the research) So in all reality Michael finds the demand for at least himself is enough so that if he can get impregnated at least 5 times every morning,he has been with all 50 Donors. However if a Donor has for some reason not,impregnated him,,there must be a time set-up to allow them to meet ,,if example on agreement with Michael and 10 Donors on a weekend to group impregnate Michael(everybody in same room same time) ,,which is routine as all 50 Donors know each other, Recipients ,do not know each other!...threesome are often in morning due to fact two Donors work together,golf etc. Also the Donors can be with the Recipients as often as wishs with the Recipients consent(note?There is no need for bondage,s/m type acts,,and is seen as "primordial")by all ,also all Donors must be married with female wives,whom have given full consent.A issue that arises is friendships form,and all the Donors are very healthly,active men..thus many wish to see Michael more then once every two weeks,thus Michael finds time is a issue,as far as seeing all the Donors,,he loves to be "impregnated",he loves the feeling of satisfying them sexual..he likes them all,some more then others due to....." Form"....1.physical reasons(looks,cock size,to Michael,bigger the better.their skill at love-making,their mount time,,(mount time describes the time the Donor is able to thrust in and out of his bottom prior to ejaculation) and Amount- Average ejaculation volume ranges from 2 to 6 ml, according to most medical sources. Higher volumes have been reported and are considered normal, but consistently higher volumes are considered a disease called hyperspermia, which may bring about many complications including sterility. These are the medical facts. On the other hand, in this pages I've read of someone claming his record ejaculation volume was as high as 13 ml, etc)........................2. and emotional reasons(interests,repore..etc,)note; this is factual for myself personally as far as..Form,1 and 2..in reality when I perform-" FELLATIO "I am able to deep-throat 10" (learning on Aren) as well as anally.just my flavor you might say.Anyway-"Terrace" is a Myth,,,like all fables,fiction,etc.
In Reality I do believe a True "Indigo Group" could be formed, it could be 20 and 3, 30 and 6 etc.I only used 50 in story(50 Donors know each other 10 -Recipients from my own actual experience, of being Gang-Banged (my wordpress site), all one has to do is be Open-minded to see how it could work, note: in my Scenario,the Recipients are Fem-male,they have to be single or envolved only with a member of the group (partnered with),all Recipients and Donors know each other and spouses,girl friends(of Donors),no imformation leaves the group,(why I chose 50 as well,after that number,it would be tougher to remain tribe like),the Recipients would get breed by each Donor at least once every two weeks(50 times min.),that would be a realistic.Example, between 1997, during the week it was common that, nearly every day I at least performed "fellatio" on one guy,often ,few evening I would have 2 or 3(together) breed me.very common if counting how many times "I received a climax"both anally and orally,for it to be 15 times.
Weekends,I might see half a dozen different groups of guys (in a hour 6 guys could breed me easily,then I would leave.),it wasn't uncommon to receive 30 or 40 climax's as often guys would climax several times.most often I had a guy orally,and another anally at same moment.

Writing the Story "Terrace" in alcohol rehab. (was there 2 years), gave me time to come to terms with; myself being Androgynous,similar to the "Berdache",as far a sexually,"

I do believe now a for sure in "Terrace " ,,I will have Michael undergoing the steps of preparing for and going through the surgery of  ;  Male to Female Sex Reassignment Surgery- Vaginoplasty only in order to be Eunuch like.( unlike myself now, in story he is mid-30's,Jodi has the financial ability,knows he wishs it,so offers to cover the cost) Michael accepts and has surgery. Michael continues at Indigo club ,simply now he can be anally or vaginal  "impregnated"  In real life, if I was 30's or 40's, I know for sure I would some how find a way to get a Vaginoplasty.

By realizing at the time writing the outline "indigo club",first,,then doing research on "men whom wish female role sexually", I soon discovered the term "berdache", and it was like "I have finally discovered "Me" ,especially after reading this "available as sexual partners during hunts and in war parties ", being similar in content and context ,with easily adapting to getting "party f""ked",and feeling it my role in some way.

And the fact if there where such a place as the Indigo club, I would love to be a "Recipient"

One has to understand the cultural aspect the "berdache" was playing. yet due to Western thought on sexual matters,the secret nature of sex in general, Thus not embracing Humanity as humans, as the American Natives very much did, in essense we have created our own distorted reality, I invite anyone to research theirs ways,just on preparing youth for adulthood. Imagine now I reading about a culture Albert Ens

The Berdache, had roles, as each identity of a culture has (read lyric's for Rush's closer to the heart)

-"Traditional berdaches were also available as sexual partners during hunts and in war parties (102). This was yet another reason why they were welcomed on these excursions.

another reason I conceived the "Indigo club" is due to the Fact of ; Humanity in essense stalled out,standing still by not accepting "Humanity as Humanity is, as we watch religions now begin to crumble,and the morals conceived by them, the Leaders of these religions ask "Why and what is happening?",unable to look at their own teachings,unable to gracefully adapt to "reality"..

----------------------------------------We keep doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results !---------------------------------------

From my experience; Once I began seeing men in my role as a "Feminine male", I soon realized my main "objective" was to get a man's cock in my bottom, and it was very very important he didn't wear a condom, as I wanted him to ejaculate inside me.Thus a very dangerous time, I wanted as many men as I could find to do this, and believe me it was a crazy mission!

  So the Indigo club offers a safe way to do this,all with consent, Even studies, in my writing it goes on to have studies being done by Psychologist, psychotherapist  etc. studies on "Microchimerism"

                                      "Is Microchimerism happening in male to male exchange?"

For myself in my real-life role as "Androgyny,berdache,fem-male etc", it's hard to explain, yet I had ,and still have a over-whelming desire for the guys to ejaculate in my bottom.

The Indigo club could be a very safe means for those with"Gender dysphoria", a very dangerous / vulnerable  time for anyone trying to find their "Identity"(the suicide rate is very high  amongst transgender / queergender people)

    Addiction is likely,drug use etc,

For myself it was like playing "Russian roulette", so much unprotected sex, and at that time getting hiv tested was taboo,so difficult to get,,,for example I would go to "county health dept. to be tested,however soon after being tested after 3 times,they told me "Michael you can't come here every time you change sex partners, and refused to test me"


Similarity to What human evolution had already had developed through out History.

In the past "My experience" , one to understand at times the "gang-bang"("get togethers"), was at a individuals home, where the guys could take me to room where they could privately be with me, and some "get togethers", where as this strictly, many factors dictated the Context /Content of the "get togethers", for example it might be "Ritual like", "When a guy turned 18,whom was with a friend of a guy whom I was already having sex with came into this group, he was expected to mount and bone me, for all to see!,,,It took me a long time to realize what was happening was as though a part of our Anicent past, rites of sexuality for the male, and I could see it to be a very Innate part, there was nothing vulgar,it was very beautiful to see be apart of.

---------------Believe me,if one can set judgement aside, I was clearly seeing how humanity evolved in one aspect,too thrive into; --------

                                                              "a peaceful social content/context"

        One aspect I knew I was very safe; as each member of this group knew the "Rules" (clean,non-vulgar etc) or they wouldn't be              here

         This being the case all looked out for me,each learned from each other

          I must say I prefer the open verse going to private room environment, yet some are shy,etc.

          I could see them learning to "get along", in a area(being Human) that society has "put in closet", has on it's own accord-

           (society)- has deemed "Lets send or youth into a world un-trained in one of the most vital,"consequential" aspects of being

            Human "they will learn on their own, idea"

          So what has occurred due to our thinking, our misunderstanding of what the truth to being human, ;

                                             "many unwanted babies"

          Often one of the guys with a girl friend or wives would ask if they could watch him and I, or talk to me about what we did, or 

            the maybe the Art of anal sex, how I kept clean, as Form or birth control.


Just try to Find good imformation on a Safe studied method on the Art of anal sex; very little is known, because the 

Moral aspect of it, it's being assumed dirty/vulgar etc.

       Yet since 1997 ,for myself it is "My way of being in my Female role", it is how I take a man in me/ and have women with;                       strap- on to treat me like a Lady.

       Sure it takes more effort (getting my bottom clean and diet), yet once clean,it is as clean as any sex.

for example; Just the methods of keeping clean,could be studied followed etc in a Indigo club setting

I think I originally thought of the " Indigo Club "with desire to be be gang-banged again,due to a bunch of cock fast and so much attention getting paid to you (and I still wish) yet knowing the way of the past was gone,for me at least, I had grown so selective in mate selection, just the extreme difficulity of meeting a man that is straight,black.self-actualized and married. 

              from my personal experinces most the guys I seen where either married or had girl-friends, many wanted their partner to at                 least know of me/ if not meet me.Thus they where in a state of Cognitive Dissonance; not wanting to be seen as cheating, yet liking to be sexually relieved by me, either by Fellatio(me sucking them til ejaculation and me swallowing)..for me to swallow their climax was a big deal, something they said their wife/girl-friend didn't do. Same with anal sex.

              So the Psychological aspect of this Androgyny/Straight male/wife-girlfriend interaction caused me great interest.  

               Could the Ladies see this in the context similar to ; Their man,is simply getting a form of a massage performed by a very                       Feminine Androgynous male,where their man's masculinity would not be threatened?

               From a realistic , point of view, it is conceivable , I would very much do what Michael does in the story ;

                    (Michael starts his day out 7 days a week-5am to11am,,going to the Indigo club,,there is a private room..more like small apartment,,he can read,,etc..while he waits for a Donor..(which is always soon)..due to the fact the Donor must impregnate all 50 Recipients in two weeks,at least once.Yet is stressed to impregnate as much as possible(they all have a equal vested interest in the research) So in all reality Michael finds the demand for at least himself is enough so that if he can get impregnated at least 5 times every morning). in reality even today 5am to 11am is 6 hours, if I go "boned" non stop, except for 10-15 minute break every hour,thats what I'd like..I simply love cock in me!,,feeling ain't change since 2005. just learned to live with it much better.

reviews of ; "How Sex Changed" by Joanne Meyerowitz

                    "Gender is a fundamental part of human identity, yet for some people the question, ‘Male or female?’ is not easily answered. These individuals feel they are trapped in the wrong body. Their history, and especially their efforts to change their bodies through surgical and medical interventions, is the subject of this new book by Joanne Meyerowitz… This is a scientific work, but Meyerowitz keeps the very human side of the issue front and center throughout.Psychology Today

[A] fascinating account of how transsexuality has challenged American concepts of sex, gender, and sexuality in science, medicine, law, and popular culture in the 20th century… With her sympathetic reporting on the lives of individual men and women coming to terms with their transsexuality—especially Jorgensen, who lived until 1989—Meyerowitz gives serious social history an engaging human face. Informative and absorbing.Kirkus Reviews

This unusually intelligent and straightforward cultural history…convincingly shows that our coming to view ‘biological sex’—the physical markers of femininity and masculinity—as malleable rather than immutable constituted one of the most profound moral, social, legal, and medical changes in twentieth-century America.The Atlantic

If one reads the above article; Why Is The Penis Shaped Like That?

               One clearly sees humans where having sperm wars. the female was allowing more then one male to breed herself, that it is our nature to breed when able etc.

               This is clearly "Biological", so why would it not be by Natures design, create certain males.whom could / would submit to be in female role, in time of need, say when lack of Females / availability of females was low in numbers.and the Androgynous-feminine male is not competing with the other males for the females

                 for example in the gang-bang setting ;   A scenario- lets say there is a tribe/  group. say 10 males old enough to mate, yet only 2 females able to two of the males of say Alpha status, are mating with them, the other 8 males see this, yet know it would be dangerous to try to mate with the females. Yet because the Androgynous male knows to help avoid conflict in the group, if he submits,allows all 8 males bred him,let them ejaculate in his bottom,  the conflict is over, all are content, so the Androgyny becomes a Peace keep,,,this is well documented through history,if one wishs to inquire!

                            Might be tough to swallow, yet humans evolved,still are, and by Natures Design!

kinda how I visualize the setting of indigo club
We as Fem-males could get "boned" as often as wished, by as many as possible of the members daily

I have learned ways to live with my Dysphoria, yet not easy, 

Dysphoria (from Greek: δύσφορος (dysphoros), δυσ-, difficult, and φέρειν, to bear) is a profound state of unease or dissatisfaction. In a psychiatric context, dysphoria may accompany depression, anxiety, or agitation. The term is often used to refer to gender dysphoria, experienced by people whose gender identity does not align with their sex assigned at birth, and who may undergo sex reassignment surgery. Common reactions to dysphoria include emotional distress; in some cases, even physical distress. The opposite state of mind is known as euphoria.

The American Psychiatric Association permits a diagnosis of gender dysphoria if the criteria in the DSM-5 are met. The DSM-5 states that at least two of the following criteria for gender dysphoria must be experienced for at least six months' duration in adolescents or adults for diagnosis:[19]

  • A strong desire to be of a gender other than one's assigned gender
  • A strong desire to be treated as a gender other than one's assigned gender
  • A significant incongruence between one's experienced or expressed gender and one's sexual characteristics
  • A strong desire for the sexual characteristics of a gender other than one's assigned gender
  • A strong desire to be rid of one's sexual characteristics due to incongruence with one's experienced or expressed gender
  • A strong conviction that one has the typical reactions and feelings of a gender other than one's assigned gender

                        Few examples of the context/content of my routine encounters

                                 This friend here for example liked to mostly masturbate then climax in my mouth

                                  he wouldn't " bone "me, felt it would make him feel homosexual, it was common to see him 3 or 4 times a week

Me getting Boned

Here is friend who would stop by maybe everyday one week,2 or 3 times next week etc. Just "bone me", usually 10 minutes he would climax, then head home to his wife, she was aware of it.

   This was my most common scenario, at what I prefer, at one point I was like a part time hair stylist, in that from 6 to 10 pm , any given evening I might get "boned" by 4 guys or 10 guys, if say 3 guys came over together, and where gang banging me, they each might take turns boning me while I sucked the another, some guys I found can climax, and do it again in 10 minutes
  My point being here is , Say there was a Place as the "Indigo Club" a place where straight males/ married and with wifes known consent, come and fulfil both their sexual desire, and allow someone like myself safely be in our Feminine Role by getting " Boned " by a Straight male we desire. No one pays no one, it isn't Prostitution (Prostitution is the business or practice of engaging in sexual activity in exchange for payment.)

That was 13 years ago, and even then I seldom ever climaxed myself, I didn't wish, as long as I kept my bottom lubed, I was willing to get boned as much as possible til 10, then I had to get to sleep, for work, if I wasn't working and could I'd get "boned" by as many guys I possible could that day, I drove around a lot though, met this guy here, this guy there type thing.Often driving quite long ways to get my "Fix"

  If you read ;

Autobiography of an Androgyne

by Lind, Earl Jennie June

I was a lot like this, he performed fellatio, verse myself very much wishing to have the male mount me anally, bone me as long as he could, until he climaxed up inside my bottom, I very much wanted him to treat me like a lady, talk to me in that fashion, make me feel like a lady.

Jennie June was one of the earliest transgender individuals to publish an autobiography in the United States.[1][2]

Jennie June was born in 1874 in Connecticut as Earl Lind. She was born into a Puritan family.[1]

As a child, Lind asked others to call her by Jennie instead of Earl, and she spent much more time with girls than with boys. She became very shy and introverted when her parents sent her off to an all boys school and also became very depressed, considering suicide. Lind realized at a young age that she was an androgyne looking to change from male to female.[3] At the time, the term transgender was not prevalent; instead words such as "androgyne", "invert" and "fairie" were used. She struggled throughout her life up to her late twenties with her extreme desire to perform fellatio, claiming to have partaken in over sixteen hundred sexual encounters in the span of a dozen years.[4]

Like I point out Jennie June(Earl Lind) desire was to perform fellatio, mine being to prefer Anal if at all possible, yet I performed a lot of fellatio, as Jennie June point out in the book, always swallowing the male climax. I as well.

In 2010, Dr. Randall Sell, a professor at Drexel University, discovered a third volume of June's autobiography called The Riddle of the Underworld, which was written in 1921. This third volume includes an encounter in which June was beaten by men whom she tried to pick up. She once again defends gender and sexual nonconformists, insisting that they were simply born of a different nature, but natural nonetheless.[9] These newly discovered volumes provide an opportunity to look into more of June's deeply personal encounters and issues, and provide the possibility for other narratives to exist.

For example ;  Myself, I meet a group of guys in Chicago area, I could go up stay week end, they would have arranged a party for a Saturday,(there would be half dozen of Us Fem-males),the guests where all straight males though, I as well as the other Fem's would just wear  thigh-highs etc, dressed Fem, however we wished, the agreement for our part (Fem's) you had to satisfy the guests either by fellatio or taking them in you anally (they had to use condom), so for example I might be getting"boned", another guest walks over and offer me his cock to suck, just the guy boning me climaxs, so the guy I am sucking might start boning me, so in a hours time I might of swallowed 20-30 climax's. The biggest /largest turn out party started at 12noon last til 3am,least for myself, I heard later thru the course of the day ,around 80 guys came by, and my friends whom arranged the party, thought I had been with all of the at least once, yet most of the at least twice, and most "boned"  me each time,they figured I had been boned at least 200 hundred times that day, I by this time (due to previous parties)I knew most the guys at that party, I only did this about a dozen times in 2 years, I guessed on average though more like 100 times each, thus as far as encounters(that I took a climax), maybe 1200 times, yet only maybe 140 different men., I figured from 1997 til 2005, as far a encounters, maybe around 2800 times I either got boned or performed fellatio. Yet so hard to be exact,(yet only maybe 200 individuals) Once I had a regular group of guys that I would see routinely, it could be 30 times one week, 2 times the next ,etc.but I didn't have a regular group of men til about 2002, and Chicago parties where 2004-5,, Many,is good way to put it.I was a Addict!, if it was 200 times everyday, I would of most likely tried!

I think Jennie June was saying 1600 individual, from reading about half the book(Autobiography of an Androgyne  )

  it's difficult to read, least for myself.

….At that time if I didn't get "boned" at the end of every day, I was on phone or internet trying to find someone who would.I be telling the guys I seen routinely, if they knew of anyone they trusted,whom might want my company , to call. This often worked, some times to well, 2 or 3 guys I had never met might call, if I felt good about them in the phone conversation, I'd tell them I'd meet them a give them a blow-job,if when we met, all seemed ok.(I most often would meet first time in public place,go from there)

note; The guys I routinely seen,most often after 2or3 encounters where bare-backing ,and ejaculating in my bottom/very much my desire.If I felt good about a guy, I was begging him to bare-back me,I became a Pest to some, I actually was told by a few, to relax, they couldn't see me anymore then they where.
    It was really no different then my Alcohol addiction., only difference it was easy to get a drink.

---I got the following results while doing this web search "What will happens when porn is not good enough"

I was never addicted to Porn, most likely only because I was able to fairly safely get the real thing, and most likely because my goal was to be in my "Feminine Role " sexually. Yet what I was doing then was out of hand, the Addiction for me was actually to be "Boned", yet by not being able to simply have a Full time partner,due to Socially views, no male wanted to be with me full-time.

Here however is a excerpt from the above site " The Stages of Pornography Addiction "


Five Stages of Addiction

  1. Early exposure. Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see the stuff when they are very young, and it gets its foot in the door.
  2. Addiction. Later comes addiction. You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're hooked. You can't quit.
  3. Escalation. After a while, escalation begins. You start to look for more and more graphic porn. You start using porn that would have disgusted you when you started. Now it excites you.
  4. Desensitization. Eventually, you start to become numb. Even the most graphic, degrading porn doesn't excite you anymore. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again but can't find it.
  5. Acting out sexually. At this point, many men make a dangerous jump and start acting out sexually. They move from the paper and plastic images of porn to the real world. 

excerpt of someone; .."When I personally got to the "acting out phase," I started fantasizing about what it would be like to actually rape a woman. I finally tried it one night when I saw a woman who "fit" the scenario that porn had taught me to look for. I was lucky. Very lucky. I didn't go through with it. After being reported, arrested and spending some time in jail, I finally was able to begin the process of weeding out the lies in my life that porn had put there.

Other men aren't so lucky. I realize now that with just a little push, I could have gone over the edge. I could have raped that woman and then killed her to cover my tracks. That's how Ted Bundy got started. When the porn he was addicted to wasn't enough anymore, he tried the real thing — rape, and then murder. When he succeeded, he did it again. And again. Pornography addiction is very serious. 


As Dr Jeffrey Satinover stated in his 2004 testimony to the US Senate subcommittee on pornography: “Modern science allows us to understand that the underlying nature of an addiction to pornography is chemically nearly identical to a heroin addiction.”