I was reading this article "Crowdism" at amerika.org, when I read this excerpt in the article,it made myself ponder,ask myself, what is,are my personal motives for studying Androgyny and the other Third-gender models ?. The excerpt;
"If we follow this chain of thought to its logical conclusion, then we are – as a species – ruled by distant forces who have little accountability for the decisions that affect us, and may be motivated by self-interest more than the best interests of the species as a whole." - I highly recommend reading this article, then ask self ,whom is the "Whole" ?
Yes, I have self interest of course,as it very much is a motivator for me to strive for understanding of the issues of Androgyny, Yet I also believe it is " a essential ", part of Humanity as a Whole.
When I first heard Joni Mitchell's song "Both Sides,Now"...it has always been a deeply moving song,which I relate to greatly.(a identifier of true self)
This Song by GUIDO E MAURIZIO DE ANGELIS -Freedom Rainbow
Has always been a good identifier of myself.
I do know I very much now,and think have always "Opposed Social Construct" in terms of "We need think this way!". Such as forced masculinity if male,as well as forced femininity if female, when I very much know we are are very able to "Look at Both sides,Now" from all points of view.
I also believe this to be how any real Artist must try to view reality.
I also don't believe Androgyny means one is automatically "same sex oriented"
For example I mainly make my living as a carpenter,mainly building homes ,remodeling or adding to them since 1990 so one could say "That's my Profession", no different then a Doctor makes a living being a Doctor, yet both the doctor and or any of us can have many" Professions", Like for example I have had a part-time business cleaning boat hulls underwater , part-time Modeling nude for artists for many years.
Spending much time "Under water diving", one can see just how diverse the Earth really is, compared to One whom has only seen the World from above the surface of the Sea, only Half of Creation has one seen!
So how can we know the Whole?, The Androgyny is Symbolic to me in this reguard, in that One whom seeks to know from...…………………………………………... "All points of View"...…………………………………………………………………………….
Thus if One can use "Scenarios" or simply look at One's Self as "your very own Culture" , One can become a Cultural Anthropologist looking at "Self".
We hear much talk of " individualism"....I often wonder what this really means?, how we can be a part of the World, yet be alone in it?, does one part just go about doing exactly what it wants,without knowing what all the other parts are doing? For example; I love to sail, the sailboat has essential parts,very much dependent upon each other, in order for it to use the force of the wind to move, and move in a desired direction, each part... the rudder,the sails,the hull, mast,boom,etc, is very unique in itself,yet can not function "Alone" and expect anything but "Standing Still,becalmed"- "In the latter part of the voyage, we had the misfortune to be becalmed for three days and nights, off the coast of India."
Even our bodies can be seen as a Culture,a Tree can be seen as a Culture! on and on it goes.
Sure I greatly realize not everybody,or for that matter maybe only a small percent of the population will be "Androgynous", yet Androgyny is,and has always been essential part of Humanity, maybe as the "rudder" or "compass".
As far as "Same sex orientation", this is a essential aspect of human evolvution, yet only in a small select need, beginning at early hunter-gather society, based of balance of available mating. again the Wolf pack shows this well, and Humans need to maintain order in the tribe. For example; if the are 4 females of sexual maturity and 8 males of sexual maturity say 13 years old (my age of "First Contact", there are 4 males wanting sex,yet no available females, if one of those males is much more androgynous/feminine,he is wanting sex just as much,yet is willing to "Submit" to the other three and allow them to "penetrate" him anally,masturbate them etc.
So for myself, I played this part, I "Submitted", by consented to allow another male my age to thrust his penis in my bottom until he climaxed, thus sexually relieving him, then when he introduced me to his friend, they both would. Any male whom has "Submitted" by consent to be "penetrated", and then felt it to be right,as though "One's role in the tribe", knows there is no going back, it can't be really changed,only suppressed. Thus the Trait.- " to submit" is a trait, or innate ability, yet it is called a Female trait, when from my view point it is a "Human trait", just as Humility is, empathy is,,etc.
Yet modern society through morals, has denied our "Humanity".
The idea of "Waiting on the men to return from the Hunt", has a very deep intuitive meaning to myself,symbolizing the need to be ready to submit for the part of the "Whole", know by submitting to the men after the hunt,they provide the food for us,they need sexual relieved,so as a Androgyny by submitting,I fulfill a need of the tribe as a whole.When the women are few, thus eliminating conflict between the men in the group.
This passage,since my youth as always been a "identifier of myself"; "Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth", a wisdom of the Bible, I relate to.
Also, we must understand what “meek” means. The Greek word translated “meek” is praeis and refers to mildness, gentleness of spirit, or humility...….meek, i.e. the necessary balance of exercising power and avoiding harshness...….4236 praótēs– properly, temperate, displaying the right blend of force and reserve (gentleness). 4236 /praótēs ("strength in gentleness") avoids unnecessary harshness, yet without compromising or being too slow to use necessary force.
I do believe the "Androgyny was most likely the peace keeper,of a tribe or helped in the regard, as my self "I always wanted a job as Henry Kissinger-Secretary of State. (another innate identifier of self).
Wilde: "The love that dare not speak its name" in this century is such a great affection of an elder for a younger man as there was between David and Jonathan, such as Plato made the very basis of his philosophy, and such as you find in the sonnets of Michelangelo and Shakespeare. It is that deep spiritual affection that is as pure as it is perfect. It dictates and pervades great works of art, like those of Shakespeare and Michelangelo, and those two letters of mine, such as they are. It is in this century misunderstood, so much misunderstood that it may be described as "the love that dare not speak its name," and on that account of it I am placed where I am now. It is beautiful, it is fine, it is the noblest form of affection. There is nothing unnatural about it. It is intellectual, and it repeatedly exists between an older and a younger man, when the older man has intellect, and the younger man has all the joy, hope and glamour of life before him. That it should be so, the world does not understand. The world mocks at it, and sometimes puts one in the pillory for it.
I think we assume when writings mention "youth", this means very young boys etc, when we don't know...as Plato very much talks of non-vulgar sex is the only type sex that he accepted.Youth could simply mean younger male
Kouros representing an idealized youth, c. 530 BC
These images don't show very young boys
If one reads about Jung's shadow self,
This would be mine
I consider my self as a spiritual person in the Context as Robert Henri states in the "Brotherhood";
I believe those like ,Socrates,Jesus,Plato,Simone Weil,Robert Henri, many,many others throught human history have two common traits;
♥ Very highly self-actualized,,with the tribe the top agenda
♥ Very Spiritual,with the tribe the top agenda
"Through art, mysterious bonds of understanding and of knowledge are established among men. They are the bonds of a great Brotherhood. Those who are of the Brotherhood know each other, and time and space cannot separate them."
- Robert Henri-
similar to a Androgynous person knows a androgynous person
How might my "Role" need to change?, now I am only adult male left with women and children, the tribe must be kept intact,safe, the children raised etc,. in one part of Walter L. Willams writing berdache tradition, it is stated;The Zuni word for berdache is lhamana, denoting its closeness to the spiritual mediator who brought hunting and farming together
♥ I think for myself ,as I have no desire to sexual mate (or use my penis for that purpose), I would not mate with the female, so I might attempt to find another male while out hunting that I felt good for the tribe,if there where young males in the tribe, I would have to teach them in ways of protecting the tribe,as the hunters(men) did..hunting etc...would of been a stressful time, as to go hunt,would have to live to women and children alone. So I believe , and knowing myself,,the number one objective is to keep the tribe safe and intact, yet secondly knowing I must fine some "Traditional males", so I am likely not only going to select males whom can provide(hunt well), yet are kind,non-selfish,I must find a non-jealous type, I most likely going to seek a male I myself would mate with. So I am most likely going to display/present myself to him in as "Feminine", if he accepts me in this role, and "treats me like a Lady", I find out his character, is he kind,is gentle,how does he" mount me", "bone me",you can tell a lot about a man, in how he is sexual. :)
to be continued 9/11/2018-it just dawning on me today is 9/11,,,and writing ,thinking of tradition...Traditional in history mankind has solved problems with "War",,all through History,,,You see that now, isn't a option ,that really changed after WWII, as Albert Einstein stated "we must change now, how we get along,and that starts at accepting others,cultures as they are. He knew, what he took part in Creating. a weapon, that can truly end life as we know it, so the only way---------is have------no----reason--to use it---
or the Berdache,Two-Spirit, Fa"afafine...so many names, yet been around for human history as long as man.
"To Western eyes berdachism is a complex and puzzling phenomenon, mixing and redefining the very concepts of what is considered male and female. In a culture with only two recognized genders, such individuals are gender nonconformist, abnormal, deviant. "- Only when one can over come this,can one truly be free in their "Mind", or one is controlled by "Pre-Concieved Notions"
This why " I began building my boat called Pre-Concieved Notions " back in late 90's, as I knew the only way to free one's mind is to over-come pre-conceived notions.
--------------or else----------------------Nothing New,Nothing Greater, nothing beyond traditional--------------------------------------------------------
I invite anyone the listen to Leo's mp3 " All religions Explained"...…...in the video/ or mp3 Leo talks of how the "Rational mind" is unable to be "spiritual "(12:00 thru 15:30 aprox.)...The "Absolute Truth is Not accessible to the Rational Mind",..then pay attention to when this word rational appears in one's own thoughts, not as good or bad, yet as how am I socially dogmatized/constructed, how am I held by cultural idea's etc.
Excerpt from; "The Berdache Tradition " by Walter L. Willams
THE BERDACHE'S SPIRIT Individuals who are physically normal might have the spirit of the other sex, might range somewhere between the two sexes, or might have a spirit that is distinct from either women or men. Whatever category they fall into, they are seen as being different from men. They are accepted spiritually as "Not Man." Whichever option is chosen, Indian religions offer spiritual explanations. Among the Arapahos of the Plains, berdaches are called haxu'xan and are seen to be that way as a result of a supernatural gift from birds or animals.
Arapaho mythology recounts the story of Nih'a'ca, the first haxu'xan. He pretended to be a woman and married the mountain lion, a symbol for masculinity. The myth, as recorded by ethnographer Alfred Kroeber about 1900, recounted that "These people had the natural desire to become women, and as they grew up gradually became women. They gave up the desires of men. They were married to men
There are some characteristics of the sexual practices of berdache, which differ from those of other same sex relationships. Berdaches almost always observe an incest taboo which involves the avoidance of sex with another berdache. One explanation for this is that sexual partner of the berdache must, by nature, be masculine (93). This belief is consistent with the emphasis on the gender aspects of the role rather than the sexual aspects. It also dovetails with the information on berdache marriages to masculine men. In these unions, the berdache is considered a wife and is valued by the husband not only for the domestic duties the berdache performs, but also for the socially acceptable homosexual relationship.
In a sense, Native American cultures have institutionalized and socially sanctioned homosexual relations by utilizing the berdache role as the preferred same sex partner. When men want to have male/male sex, they are encouraged to do so with a berdache (95).
The usual sexual behavior of the berdache is to take the passive role in anal intercourse. At times they may indulge in oral sex or take the active role in anal intercourse, but this is not widely talked about. If a berdache wishes to take an active role, it is usually done only in secret and with a partner who can be trusted not to talk. This is also true of the feelings of the man involved with a berdache. If he wishes to assume the passive role, he will try to keep the activity secret.
Another distinctive aspect of berdache sex is that during foreplay and actual intercourse they generally do not like to have their genitals touched. ".... Intercourse with an alyha is surrounded by an etiquette to which the partner had better conform; or else the man could get in all sorts of trouble. Kuwal, a Mohave man who had several alyha as wives, said "they insisted on having their penis referred to as cunnus (clitoris) (97)." ".... I never dared touch the penis in erection except during intercourse. You'd court death otherwise, because they would get violent if you play with their erect penis too much (98)."
Berdaches frequently are available for sex with both unmarried adolescent boys and married men who occasionally seek out same sex partners. Because of this, female prostitution is not needed. ↓
for myself, then(late 90's to 2005), I was very drawn to younger black men between 18 to 25, (1997 I was 35), I made sure they where 18 at least,and if they introduce me to their friends, I made it quite clear "must be 18",it' my ethic's
My Ethic's included ;
♥ Must be Str-8 (heterosexual) or strictly had been in "Top" role, never been a "bottom"(female role as myself)
♥ My guys had to be 18 or older
♥ free of STD's, very clean
It just so happened there was a lot of young black men ,at the time,place, where I was, they themselves exploring there sexuality,very very horny,available, Here I am very very horny,as well, so by Nature it occurred, and I nutured it, by 2002, I'd say;
I would say, I was addicted to the sex of it, and needed to get "boned" all the time, if I could of quit my job, and just get "boned" daily, 20 times,that wouldn't been enough, there where many weekends where 50 times or more normal (maybe 30 guys for example,they just might bone me 3or4 times during time with me). Also many guys only wanted a blow-job,so as far as "taking ejaculations into myself", the number was even more. So in essense I was a fem-male prostitute, I just wasn't receiving money
♥ One thing I learned soon, other then keeping one's bottom clean, being "Boned" is much easier then performing "fellatio"
I would like to point out these People's had evolved 100's if not 1000's of years un-touched by White Man,they had become balanced with Nature, knew the aspects of human nature , and why was it Albert Einstein stated;
" if you wish to read of the greatest human culture as far as socially evolved - read of the Zuni tribe "Patterns of Culture"
It will soon hopefully come to you, the female, they knew was, poorly adapted to, was very dangerous for the individual female.
verse the "berdache" if like myself, was able to protect themselves,because of physical strength, for example; in my situation,I was very strong ,due to my work (stronger by far then the average male),had been taught in martial arts growing up, so I was much better able to take care of myself ,...far better then a female, I couldn't get pregnant, Yet I could be very "Feminine", for these black men, They could get sexual satisfied, and yet I could protect their Ego.! This right here was a very important thought (spiritual )that was always on my mind,,helping them anyway I could,,so as not to allow them to;
" Feel Homosexual,as not to harm their soul "
I can remember thinking in a subconscious way/spiritual way- I must do what's good for the tribe(not really understanding,just feeling that way)
being a Feminine male in 100% absolute- I very well knew the "ramifications" of being "as female", or the fact, that once a male takes another man's cock into his body, submits, allowing this other male then to ejaculate up in one's self; His Life is changed forever, and he must accept this new reality by grace, or it will destroy him!
So I evolved as the "berdache", yet in a society so out of tune with real human nature, I had to do it Alone!
For myself- In essense following the Berdache tradition is a aspect of my "Spiritual Self"
I do know what I was doing, was not brought on by desire for physical pleasure, as I had no desire to ever "climax",and very,very seldom could. It wasn't on my agenda, my agenda was to pleasure them,yet they gave me my need to feel very "Feminine". in a nut-shell :)
So my guess is the Native Americans,as well as all other culture with third-gender like berdache, evolved with the psychologically orient feminine- male, honored not harmed, embodied,nutured into the cultures ,at same time,developing "roles", for this type male.
In my case, due to my body style,looks, it was easy to attract a male , be like a female for him,he can his biological need to breed fulfilled,with the fewest amount of "ramifications-
I know I often would say to the guys "You need to breed me"
-----------------Now if One ,takes their Attention back to what Williams wrote; "Because of this, female prostitution is not needed"---------
Traditional berdaches were also available as sexual partners during hunts and in war parties (102). This was yet another reason why they were welcomed on these excursions.
this in a sense evolved to become my favored "way", partly because was so busy working building homes/carpentry etc. it made it much easier to get together with a group of guys ( normal routine being - hang out with one of guy's at his place, all day/night while others came over whenever)
note- I can personally related to the two highlighted passages in a "contextual way", due to fact of being kind of a "berdache" for a group of young black men,(tribe) willing / wanting to sexual satisfy them as a "female alternative".
note- I have explain to a degree here; When I wrote "Terrace" I started writing it 1 1/2 years into my alcohol rehab stay,as the story evolved, I began creating the concept of the "Indigo club",at that time I had never heard of the term "berdache",yet my past had envolved having sex with groups of black men in my "feminine role",now I see very similar as a "berdache" might have done.
At the time when I was very active sexually in my newly discovered role as; simply call it "berdache" for a moment, I was simply doing what seemed natural, yet very un-traditional,for me it seemed very right,like;" this is the way I am suppose to be" Looking back at that time it was similar to "having created,or been adopted into a group/tribe like culture, and I have to admit I was very much wanting,lusting etc, also the time in all of our's (members of my tribe :), was right,or it would not of occurred.
I was some what pre-conditioned for the "berdache" role I was unknowly about to take, by already "posing nude for groups of art students", so after meeting my (call him my "2nd Contact"), by instinct it seemed,I naturally took the "female role",and never have I even had a glimpse of a thought,desire of being in the "male role since". As soon as "2nd Contact" was routinely "treating me like a lady",and then after meeting a friend of his,that joined us in 3-way,(both non-gay),Which became fairly routine, I became a sexual release for them, for example; We were all busy people jobs/ etc.(I will use letters for identities) -Monday, A might call me early in morning,ask me where I was working, and say "I really need a blow-job today,was thinking we could meet some where at lunch"-if I any way could,I would. A might call back before leaving to meet me, and say "D wants to come too,",well I knew D,they worked together and had been with both before, any way due to time factor , the sex was "Quick", if we had a spot , say One's house, one could "bone me", while I sucked the other,etc.(one can see why important,I always kept my "bottom clean" and ready), any way some thing similar could happen 7 days a week, Due to fact my tribe contained a name represented by nearly every letter of the alpabet at one time.
So the idea of the "Indigo club", was easy for me to conceive, and a alternative to the "madness of the described above"
The major relief I found though, here I was reading about the Zuni tribe,which years earlier I had read how Albert Einstein stated "If you truthfully wish to read about a great culture which embodied humanity fully,and progressive,all it's identities", read Ruth Benedicts "Patterns of Culture" and relate to the Zuni. So now I'm reading how at puberty if the male at this age oriented to take the female role(which is exactly as I wished), the tribe fully accept him in his female role. I now realized there where others like myself, and the more I researched, the more I found ,,extending deep into Ancient history,-the Berdache type is found-
All I know is I have been free of Alcohol 5 years now,and have never had a desire for it sense, by ending a great internal conflict of shame, not ever having a sure identity,,lifted a cloud from myself I can explain.
For example "Traditional berdaches were also available as sexual partners during hunts and in war parties ",in away the role I was playing,and that I adapted to well, my getting "party F""ked", though I felt it was right for me, and very exciting to arrange with guys I knew,,and all the attention (and cock),,I knew I would get,
Then I heard this song by K D Lang whom is Androgyny; " I realized I was craving for my "berdache" role, wanting to have my Hunting Party,my group of guy back to "treat me like a Lady",
Though I think I conceived "Indigo club" to be something that I felt I wished for in reality,a idea that with the right men could happen,the reality is how, I know , I would be a "berdache" for them, I think this is more a reality then finding a single black man, of the type I desire.?
I think for myself, because I then, very much wanted nearly constantly to be getting "boned", it was "narcotic", after 2nd contact moved away (4months after he began "boning me"), yet had introduced me to friends, "so that was way it had to be", never one, always keeping them all happy, cause none wanted me as a steady,full time,live in type friend, don't get me wrong,they all treated me great, yet that where the un-written rules, They made me feel like a Lady while they could,until they ejaculated either in my mouth or bottom, then they where on their way, "Way it was", I always hoped there would be that "One" whom would ask "would you just be my partner?"
Yet for myself , there is no other type role I desire, no other type sex gives me the feeling that comes close to how I feel when a man(of my type) is thrusting in my bottom,then starts moaning as he ejaculates up in me. just so right!
The following site "My erotic blog" from societial point of view could be called "porn",that is society's "Traditional"point of view, however if seen from a educational point of view which all my posing is in my "Mind"
I do believe now, at a -Subconscious- level my modeling was allowing myself to present myself as "Feminine",yet I don't recall ever thinking in terms like "I am doing this to attract a mate", though I a "comparison " type situation occur in class (life drawing)one day,where some of the girls where talking about a new male model,they had in a life drawing class the week before,their talk was about how masculine he was etc.not realizing I could hear,when I piped up and said jokingly to them "Oh,so I'm not masculine?", one replied, "oh no Michael,we are not comparing,,your just you!,,kinda like,belong here,we used to you,,part of the group". One has to understand,I seen a lot of these students go through their 4 years of college,seeking their Fine Arts degree,thus got to know them,,often like we where kinda like a little "tribe", anyway I liked I heard them, as it made me realize, I had no desire to appear "masculine".
I do believe by modeling, it exposed me to the young black men on the Down-low / Wikipedia
And at the beginning of 2000, I think all the components where in place for me to meet a lot black guys ready and willing to -treat me like a lady-,so soon by 2001, if I would of had time, I could of been getting "treated like a lady daily", and some weeks I did.
"Rejecting a gay culture they perceive as white and effeminate, many black men have settled on a new identity,"
The men I seen,you would have never thought "gay",many had girl-friends,masculine,yet feminine side,all wanted me strictly in my "lady" role-,they never wished to perform "fellatio" on me,,which was great,as that would of not been my wish,as I have never wished to be in any "role" other then feminine role. I as well don't identify with mainstream gay culture
As my idea mate would be heterosexual black male whom simply wants me as he would treat his partner as a "lady",which is not traditional gay culture,simple, yet complex to some. even transgender culture it seems, as I don't wish to be Female,that is not Nature's way to me,as biologically my body is male,yet our minds,,are evolved and evolving,,,,
I think a lot of people understand Consent very well...some don't
Down-low is an African American slang term that typically refers to a subculture of black men who usually identify as heterosexual, but who have sex with men; some avoid sharing this information even if they have female sexual partner(s), they are married, or they are single. The term is also used to refer to a related sexual identity. Down-low has been viewed as "a type of impression management that some of the informants use to present themselves in a manner that is consistent with perceived norms about masculine attribute, attitudes, and behavior".
Once I started seeing black men,only on rare occasion would I stray,and see a white male,,just my like.
From my experience; The black men whom selected me, where very much wanting a highly feminine male,whom was,and always had been solely in the "female role"
♥ They wanted only to be in the "male top role"
♥ They very much desired me " lady like ", and treated me such
♥ Often they would tell me ,they really liked the fact that I swallowed their cum,when I gave them a blow-job,that their wife or girl
friend never would.
♥ Often they would tell me, they really liked the fact I only had sex with -Straight males/ top men-, greatly reducing AIDs risk.
♥ some talked to their girl-friends/wives about me,and knew my role.
Interesting excerpts from; "The Dialectic of Sex"
"The end of the sex-class system must mean the end of the biological family, that is, the end of women's biological reproductive role through artificial means of gestation. Love between the sexes will remain, for it becomes oppressive only when joined to the reproductive function. The biological family turns sexual love into a tool of oppression. Within it, women give their love to men, thus inspiring the latter to greater cultural creativity, and providing the former with an emotional identity of the sort denied them in the larger world. Yet men, as a result of the Oedipus complex and the incest taboo, are unable to love: they must degrade the women they make love to, in order to distinguish them from the mother, the first and forbidden love object. They cannot simultaneously respect and be sexually attracted to women"
"Writing in The Evolution of Human Sexuality (1979), the anthropologist Donald Symons attributed to Firestone the view that, although the sexes are identical at birth, men are emotionally crippled by early experiences that women escape, and that men, unlike women, are therefore unable to love. Symons contrasted Firestone's views with his own view that "selection has produced marked sex differences in sexuality" and that neither sex is a defective version of the other.
excerpt from ↑ ;
Researchers in the field of sex and gender are on the brink of understanding a wealth of knowledge about the brain’s gender expression. However, to make decisions about children’s lives based on assumed knowledge is premature. There are several genetic and inborn intersex conditions and syndromes that leave society wanting to “fix” the problem by uprooting natural anatomy, yet similar gender confusions exist without this anatomical disruption. These individuals are labeled gender identity disordered in childhood and many go on to identify as transgender as adults. The “cure” for the gender problem must be related to on a case-by-case basis until more neurological information is available to actually “test” for such a discord between brain and body. There is a great need for more research in the area so that young children do not have to suffer with an identity imposed by society that leads to psychological distress and disorder in addition to not feeling at home in one’s own body. For the first time, neurological findings conclude that there are differences in gender identity in the brain. Swaab’s (2008) findings isolate differences between transgender individuals and those of the assigned and identifying sexes. This research offers the first glance into the richness of a transgendered individual’s brain. Indentifying as one gender and looking like another can one day be a source of pride and insight, yet the lack of dissemination of this information leaves most, if not all, gender deviant children struggling with this completely alone. Their isolation for resources and clinical support leads to poor self identity and self esteem and can even lead to adulthood substance abuse and Axis 1 psychiatric disorders. All of this could result because a child feels he cannot express his or her true self.
excerpt from ↑ Introduction The human brain differentiates early in development both structurally and functionally in a sexually dimorphic way (Swaab, 2007). Clear structural sex differences in the central nucleus of the bed nucleus of the stria terminalis (BSTc) have previously been found by our group, both in its volume—as delineated by its vasoactive intestinal polypeptide innervation (Zhou et al., 1995)—and in its number of somatostatin immunoreactive neurons
excerpt from ↑ ;
Adult homosexual men frequently recall feeling different from other boys during early childhood. Their childhood experiences differed significantly from those of heterosexual men. These differences can be divided into two distinct groups:
Cross dressing, using make-up, fascination with women's clothes and hair -me
Doll play - me
Expressed desire to be a girl, attempts to hide penis
Fantasy play taking female roles, attraction to female characters in stories -me
Girls as playmates - me
More likely to draw pictures of females -me
Fear of Injury
Fear of Rough-and-tumble play
Non-participation in group sports
Body Dissatisfaction - feels fragile, weak, vulnerable to injury
Almost without exception boys with exhibit behaviors in category one also exhibit those in category two. Effeminate boys do not drop their dolls and run off to play soccer with other little boys. However, a substantial portion of homosexual men who exhibited chronic, persistent unmasculinity in childhood showed no symptoms of effeminacy. Some of these boys were labeled as sissies by peers, others were able to avoid the label by various strategies, but still recall feeling unmasculine. These experiences stand in a sharp contrast to the childhood experiences of the vast majority of heterosexual males.
In Bieber's study of the 106 homosexual men and 100 heterosexual men, 34% of the homosexual men recalled a degree of effeminacy at some time during their lives as opposed to only 5% of heterosexual controls.(Bieber 1962, p.189) On the other hand Bieber found that 75% of homosexual men reported being excessively fearful of physical injury in childhood (vs. 46% of heterosexual controls); 89% avoided physical fights (vs. 55% of controls); only 16% enjoyed baseball (vs. 62% of the controls). (Bieber 1962, p.175)
The more extreme manifestation of a failure to identify with one's own sex in childhood is recognized by the American Psychological Association in its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, IV (1994) as an identifiable disorder. The criteria for making this diagnosis are as follows:
A. A strong and persistent cross-gender identification (not merely a desire for any perceived cultural advantages of being the other sex.)
In children, the disturbance is manifested by four (or more) of the following:
1) repeatedly stated desire to be, or insistence that he or she is, the other sex;
2) in boys, preference for cross-dressing or simulating female attire; in girls, insistence on wearing only stereotypical masculine clothing;
3) strong and persistent preferences for cross-sex roles in male-believe play or persistent fantasies of being the other sex;
4) intense desire to participate in the stereotypical games and pastimes of the other sex;
5) strong preference for playmates of the other sex.
B. Persistent discomfort with his or her sex or sense of inappropriateness in the gender role of that sex. In children, the disturbance is manifested by any of the following: in boys, assertion that his penis or testes are disgusting or will disappear or assertion that it would be better not to have a penis, or aversion toward rough-tumble play and rejection of male stereotypical toys, games, and activities; in girls, rejection of urinating in a sitting position, assertion that she has or will grow a penis, or assertion that she does not want to grow breasts or menstruate, or marked aversion toward normative feminine clothing. . .
D. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
Gender Identity Disorder can be distinguished from simple nonconformity to stereotypical sex role behavior by the extent and pervasiveness of cross-gender wishes, interests, and activities. This disorder is not meant to describe a child's nonconformity to stereotypical sex-role behavior as, for example, in "tomboyishness" in girls or "sissyish" behavior in boys. Rather, it represents a profound disturbance of the individual's sense of identity with regard to maleness or femaleness. Behavior in children that merely does not fit the cultural stereotype of masculinity or femininity should not be given the diagnosis unless the full syndrome is present, including marked distress or impairment. (DSMIV, p.537- 538)
The Gender Identity Disorder (GID) diagnosis is not made when the person suffers from a physical problems such as androgen insensitivity syndrome or congenital adrenal hyperplasia. The children who suffer from GID are physically normal boys and girls and will develop into physically normal men and women.
Gender Identity Disorder (GID) causes considerable distress and prevents the development of normal childhood relationships. While less than half of all adult homosexual men report symptoms of childhood GID, numerous studies have found that GID boys are likely to become homosexually attracted as adults. According to Bradley and Zucker 75% of boys who exhibit the symptoms of GID report homosexual fantasies as adolescents. The relationship between childhood GID and adult homosexuality in males may be as a close to a "fact" as this type of research allows. According to Dr. Richard Friedman, who worked on the committee of psychosexual disorders for the DSMIII and who is the author of Male Homosexuality: A Contemporary Psychoanalytic Perspective:
A history of gender identity pathology (including effeminacy and chronic, extreme unmasculinity) is much more common among men who are predominately or exclusively homosexual than among men who are predominately or exclusively heterosexual. This correlation between childhood gender identity disturbance and persistent, predominant homosexuality during adulthood has been noted by many investigators using diverse strategies and methods of research (e.g., Bell, Weinberg & Hammersmith 1978, 1981; Bieber et al, 1962; Green 1985, 1987; Harry 1983; Holeman & Winokur 1965; Money and Russo 1979; Saghir & Robins 1973; Whitam 1977, 1980; Whitam & Zent 1984; Zuger, 1976, 1984). The childhood finding seems to be associated with homosexuality per se, distributed both across all types of psychopathology and among men without significant psychopathology. At present, I believe this is the only correlation between psychopathology and homosexual that may be taken as an established fact. (Friedman 1988, p.35)
Dr. Richard Green, author of Sexual Identity Conflict in Children and Adults and The "Sissy" Boy Syndrome, conducted a longitudinal study of which compared 66 GID boys with 56 demographically matched controls and concluded that while "not all boys with extensive cross gender behavior evolved as bisexual or homosexual men. No boys in the comparison group evolved as bisexual or homosexual."(Green, 1985)
Parents of 55 effeminate boys, who were asked about the aspects of their sons behavior, responded as follows:
Feminine dressing, 50/55
Aversion to boys games. 50/55
Desire to be female, 43/55
Girl playmate preference 42/55
Doll playing, 41/55
Feminine gesturing, 40/55
Wearing lipstick or other makeup, 34/55
In addition, 36 of the mothers volunteered that their son was a loner. (Zuger, 1984)
According to Saghir and Robins' survey of homosexuals, "Among boys destined to become adult male homosexuals, the prevalence of polysymptomatic effeminacy is very high. About two-thirds (67%) of the male homosexuals, but only 3% of the male heterosexuals, described themselves as having been girl-like during childhood." (Saghir, p.18) Saghir and Robins' define a "sissy" boy as:
one who shows a persistent aversion to playing with other boys or to being involved in boys' games and activities. He prefers being with girls and enjoys doing housework and playing with "girly" dolls. He is often teased by other boys and by his siblings about his "girl-like" behavior. He frequently becomes an unhappy and isolated child unable to belong in the company of boys or to participate fully in the activities of girls. His yearnings are not those of the boy next door but of the girl on the other side of the street. He feels awkward playing ball but is at home jumping rope. He dreads the gym hour but feels at ease cleaning or helping mother with her cooking.
As described above, "sissiness" in boys is a syndrome made up of a constellation of cross-gender behavioral patterns. It is not monosymptomatic nor transient. Its onset is early in childhood and its manifestations are prominent throughout the preadolescent and often during the adolescent years. (Saghir, p.18)
It should be noted that while these symptoms are described as "girl-like," girls do not generally relish cleaning or helping their mothers and do enjoy playing outside with their friends. Saghir and Robins also point out that childhood sissiness is not the universal experience of homosexual men:
While it seems that the majority of adult male homosexuals report a cross-gender syndrome of effeminacy during childhood, a significant proportion of them (33%) do not report such a syndrome. Like boys in general they were usually involved with other boys, interested in sports and disinterested in dolls, housework or girl playmates. In looking back at their childhood, this group of adult male homosexuals could not see anything that differentiated it from the childhood of other boys in terms of their interests and behavioral patterns. (Saghir, p.20)
According to the Bell, Weinberg, and Hammersmith study, "Childhood Gender Nonconformity turned out to be a very strong predictor of adult sexual preference among males in our sample."(Bell, p.76) They concluded that:
the development of male homosexuality is closely linked to gender nonconformity. Even among noneffeminate homosexual men this Dislike of Boys' Activities is the strongest predictor of Adult Homosexual. While their nonconformity may not have been so obvious either when they were growing up or in adulthood, it would appear that where they thought they stood on a masculine-feminine continuum when they were young was predictive of their eventual sexual orientation. (Bell, p.200)
According to Friedman:
The combined results of numerous investigations lead to the conclusion that childhood gender identity/gender role disturbances are associated with predominant or exclusive homosexuality in adulthood. Absence of such disturbance diminishes the likelihood that a boy will become a man who is exclusively or predominantly homosexual. This does not mean that homosexuality invariable results from such disturbances or that predominant or exclusive homosexuality invariably begins with them. Behavioral variability is the rule in psychobiology, particularly aspects of behavior that involve human sexuality... But an association as powerful from the statistical and scientific point of view as that between childhood gender identity disturbance and adult homosexuality must command the attention of clinicians and the theoreticians alike. (Friedman 1988, p.47-48)
Cross-cultural studies show that the relationship between childhood experiences and adult homosexuality appears in different cultural settings. Whitam and Zent surveyed homosexuals in the United State, Guatemala, Brazil and the Philippines and found constant patterns of early cross-gender behavior. In all four countries, as children the homosexuals were more interested in dolls, more likely to cross-dress, more likely to be regarded as sissies, and preferred play with girls. Whitam and Zent concluded:
The data suggests that early cross-gender patterns occur in the childhood experiences of homosexuals in each of the four societies, strongly supporting earlier findings that cross-gender behavior is associated with the later sexual orientation. (Whitam, 1984)
Money and Russo conducted a longitudinal study of a small group of GID boys. They acknowledged that some may object to the labeling of certain behaviors in boys as "girlish" and then classifying them as "pathological. However, they admit that GID boys did not exhibit a healthy or desirable androgyny:
At the time they were first seen, these boys were unable to widen their repertory of behavior to encompass that which in our society is stereotypically coded as male as well as that which is coded as female. They had no option of moving back and forth between both sets of stereotypes, which is the true mark of sexual liberation and behavioral androgyny. They were trapped in one of the two stereotypes. (Money, 1979)
According to the DSMIV, boys "with Gender Identity Disorder often show marked feminine mannerism and speech patterns." Rekers offers an example:
Craig behaved in a way that was a caricature of femininity. He frequently displayed a weak, limp writs and he swayed his hips when he walked. The ways in which he held his arms and the delicate ways he carefully folded his legs were all an imitation of a hyperfeminine role. It was remarkable how he could mimic all these subtle feminine behaviors as though he were a woman. (Rekers 1982, p.132)
The GID boy's mannerisms are frequently described by observers as "girl-like" or "effeminate." However, the mannerism observed are not typical of normal little girls at play, who often exhibit a high degree of androgynous behavior, physical freedom and ease of movement. Bieber points out that "effeminate" behaviors--tightly held shoulders, elbows to the sides, arms not swinging naturally with footsteps, limp wrist, hand-on-hip--are not copies of the natural mannerism of either girls or adult women. According to Bieber, the function of effeminacy may be a declaration of nonaggressiveness, since the most effeminate gestures are confined and close to the body, in contrast to normal expansive male gestures. Arno Karlen commenting on Bieber writes:
effeminacy seems to be a misleadingly named body language that combines reversal of masculine signals, nonassertive signs and some elements of burlesqued femininity to announce, "I won't fight, I'm not dangerous--if necessary, not even a man.(Karlen, p.579)
Moberly holds that effeminacy in the male homosexual results from a "defensive detachment from the parent of the same sex" which blocks the normal identificatory process. According to Moberly this is not a "genuine identification with the opposite sex, but rather a disidentification with the same sex." (Moberly, p.8)
Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, a therapist with extensive experience in the treatment of GID boys and adult homosexual, points out that the gender non-conformity observed GID boys does not have a rich an expansive character. Boyhood effeminacy often appears unnatural, one dimensional, with a quality of sham or caricature. The child appears to be hiding behind a role. In some cases the behavior is clearly related to frustration. One mother reported, "I can tell what kind of day my son had at the YMCA by his behavior. If he is effeminate, I know he was frustrated. On the other hand if he is warm and verbal, I know he was good at soccer."
A father describes his 7-year-old GID son as follows:
He at times becomes very effeminate in his mannerisms and his voice, particularly when he's under stress... he's under stress typically because he's either shy or ... reacting to something, he gets very effeminate... It's short-lived... but it's a, it's a very effeminate reaction. (Zucker 1995, p.21)
In many cases the extreme forms of effeminate behavior often diminished as the boy matures.
According to the DSMIV (p. 533), GID boys "may have a preference for dressing in girls' or women's clothes or may improvise such items from available materials when genuine articles are unavailable. Towels, aprons, and scarves are often used to represent long hair or skirts."
Cross-dressing often begins early. According to Zuger, "One boy at about 2 years
of age, insisted on being dressed in girl's clothes before he would agree to go to nursery school. Similarly, another boy less than 4 years of age would not leave the house unless in dress and makeup like a girl." Both became homosexual as adults. (Zuger, 1984)
According to Green, all the boys in the group studied "began cross-dressing before their sixth birthday; three-fourths began by their fourth birthday. The most frequent age of onset of an enduring interest in wearing girls' clothes was between the second and third birthday." (Green 1974, p.143) Many of the boys were extremely attracted to high heeled shoes. In 8% of the cases the feminine boy had been dressed in girls' clothes by a sister, in 10% of the cases by a grandmother, and in 15% by the mother. (Green 1974, p.219) Other family members reinforced the behavior. In one case when the boy was "a year and a half and these two little girls took him and they dressed him up completely from a wig all the way down to shoes." According to the father, "Everybody thought it was cute and everything. Everyone laughed." (Green 1974, p.217)
In another case, Edward, a 5-year-old boy, "showed a very strong interest in dressing in his mother's clothes and female costumes at nursery schools. He took a feminine role in games, seldom played with boys, and had no interest in masculine games. Even for such a young child his gestures and speech inflections were often effeminate, particularly when excited. This pattern, present from at least age 3, seemed partially to stem from his play with a very dominant 7-year-old neighborhood girl who encouraged Edward in his effeminate ways." (Bates, 1971)
According to Zucker and Bradley:
In many boys, cross-dressing has an obligatory quality (e.g., insistence on cross-dressing outside the home) and is not restricted to play situations. A common precipitant for referral is extensive cross-dressing by a boy in preschool or kindergarten. The driven quality of the cross-dressing is sometimes manifested by the boy's need to sleep in female clothing or by his agitation when female clothing is unavailable. Some parents report that when their son comes home from school, he manifests a frantic need to change into women's clothing. Even among parents who have a generally ambivalent or supportive reaction to their sons' cross-gender identification, there is an emerging unease with the chronic display of cross-dressing... By late childhood, the interest in cross-dressing may be transformed into a preoccupation with the appearance of female move stars or other popular figures. (Zucker 1995, p.15)
Zucker and Bradley report a case in which, "At age 3, Jimmy had begun cross-dressing in his mother's nightgown, swimsuit, and underwear. He would wear these under his own clothes when he had to be away from his mother." (Zucker 1995, p. 50)
According to the DSMIV (p.533) GID boys favor "stereotypical female-type dolls, such as Barbie: and "girls are their preferred playmates" Zucker and Bradley noted that GID boys were "preoccupied with Barbie (or her variants) spend inordinate amounts of time brushing her hair and dressing and undressing her." However, Zucker and Bradley also noticed very little nurturant play, such as parenting baby dolls. (Zucker 1995, p.16) Observational studies (Rekers, 1976, Zucker, 1979, Green, 1972, 1973) provide evidence that GID boys play with toys normally chosen by girls for a longer time than do masculine boys.
One mother reported extensive doll play by her GID son, "The dolls never worried me for a while because I figured it was only natural. 'Cause I had heard a long time ago that if boys played with dolls when they were young, they made a better father... So, I said he would grow out of it. But now it bothers me more... and it's kind of embarrassing when he says, "I don't want to go there because they don't have any dolls." (Green 1974, p.161)
The DSMIV(p.537) lists "repeated stated desire to be, or insistence that he or she is, the other sex" as one of the criteria for diagnosing GID. A mother of a 6-year-old GID boys reports, "The teacher told me he acted real feminine in school, that he won't get on the boys' line. He stays on the girls' line." (Green 1974, p.156)
According to Saghir and Robins, 27% of homosexual males reported a repetitive desire to become a girl or a woman before the adult years. Those interviewed recalled:
I wanted to be a girl since I was 7 years old. I had fantasies that I was a woman and would occasionally put on woman's cloths. Later in adolescence I would have the fantasies of being a woman penetrated by a man. All these fantasies disappeared around the age of 18.
When I was 9, I started thinking about how nice it was to be a girl, to stay home, cook and do housework. I had these thought all through high school. I would visualize myself as a blonde and picture myself falling in love with a boy. I was 16 at the time. A year or so later these thoughts disappeared.
I started having the idea of wanting to be a woman. It has persisted since then. I think about it a great deal. I day dream about it.
As a child, I played with paper dolls and dressed up in mother's clothes. I was not the type to go running around with kids. For many years I have had thoughts of sex change. Few months ago I consulted a doctor about sex change and he was against it. I think I would be happier as a woman. (Saghir, p.21-22)
According to the DSMIV (p. 533) GID boys may "insist on sitting to urinate and pretend not to have a penis by pushing it in between their legs. More rarely, boys with Gender Identity Disorder may state that they find their penis or testes disgusting, that they want to remove them, or that they have, or wish to have a vagina." Zucker notes that a number of GID say they hate their genitalia. One 5-year-old boys stated:
When my penis goes up, I get mad and angry. I hate it when it goes up. I want to shoot it off with a gun. I want to get rid of it. I want to shoot myself and die.(Zucker 1995, p.21)
According to the DSMIV (p. 533), "When playing 'house,' these boys role-play female figures, most commonly 'mother roles,' and often are quite preoccupied with female fantasy figures."
According to a mother of a GID boy:
He was very imaginative in general, very imaginative in his play, and has been since the time he was a little child... and he usually was the woman... He would wear my shoes, and take my purse, and he would say, "Mommy is going to the market."... Teachers have been telling him he has to be the father. He says, "I don't know what a daddy does." They said he has no idea what to do in that role. (Green 1974, p.164)
A stepmother reported that her stepson frequently engaged in make-believe and seemed "able to transform himself into the role he's playing" and that the other children resented the way this boy "hogged the stage." (Green 1974, p.164) In another case, a GID boy frequently pretended to be Dorothy or the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz. The Wizard of Oz appears to resonate with homosexual men. In Ireland homosexual men frequently inquire "Are you a friend of Dorothy's?" as a way of determining another man's sexual orientation. Judy Garland, who played Dorothy, continues to be extremely popular among homosexual men.
Zucker and Bradley also noted preoccupation and identification with "evil" females, such as the Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz.
The mother of a GID boys reports:
When he was two, you know how the other boys say, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" He will say he wants to grow up to be a mommy. We just kind of laughed at it at first... and he plays with little girls all the time. He likes to play house, and he's the mama when he plays house. One day they were over playing and I said, "Why don't you be the daddy?" and he said, "No, I'll be the little sister." (Green 1974, p.154)
The DSMIV (p.537) lists "strong preference for playmates of the other sex" as one of the elements that should be considered in making the diagnosis of GID. Homosexual men frequently recall having girl playmates:
I preferred to play with the girls, not because I necessarily liked girls better, but because I preferred cooperative rather than competitive games, nor did I like the anger and aggressiveness on the playground. I really didn't like team things. (Silverstein, p.62)
While some GID boys choose girls as playmates, several clinicians have described these boys as "bossy." (Bakwin, 1968, Zuger, 1984) The GID boy may insist on taking the female part in fantasy play. Coates, Friedman, and Wolfe (1991) have noted that some of these boys are extremely egocentric and "insist on their own rules in games" and have temper tantrums if they do not get their way. Rekers reported a similar case:
Not only did Craig avoid the rough-and-tumble games of other boys his age, but he also preferred to play only with girls. His favorite game was to play house. He would take the role of "mother" and insist that one of the girls play the part of "father."(Rekers 1982, p.132)
In another case a 5-year-old boy with GID, was described as preferring girls as playmates, but would shy away from them if they became too boisterous. (Zucker 1995, p.12)
According to the DSM IV, GID boys "particularly enjoy playing house, drawing pictures of beautiful girls and princesses, and watching television or videos of their favorite female characters."(DSMIV, p.533) According to Green:
When ask to draw a person normally girls draw females and boy draw males, however when "feminine" boys were asked to "a person the majority of the feminine boys drew a female. In addition, when they were asked to draw a picture of themselves, the feminine boys drew a girl. (Green 1974, p.162)
One mother reported that her son refused to draw pictures of boys, even though she had on numerous occasions shown him how. According to the mother, he would resist saying, "I don't know how to draw a boy . . .I can't do it! I can't do it!" (Green 1974, p.152)