I came across this article which is on topic here;
Domino Presley spoke to XBIZ after a well-received turn hosting the 2019 TEAs and as she was putting the finishing touches on her second feature as a director for Grooby Productions (“House of Whores: Coven” will be released in May). “I remember, when I was little, seeing ‘Playboy’ magazines and I always wanted to be one of those beautiful women in glossy print. (I can very much relate)Porn was the closest to that I could get in 2010. I was determined to be a star in some shape or form,” she said. (Domino is a Transgender person similar to myself)
This page is based on : ANNE A. LAWRENCE's paper→" BECOMING WHAT WE LOVE" autogynephilic transsexualism conceptualized as an expression of romantic love
One reason is I can relate so well to a Quote in the paper :
♠ "Blanchard (1992) further hypothesized that autogynephilia was a variant form of heterosexuality that could coexist with and simultaneously compete with sexual attraction toward women. He also demonstrated that autogynephilia is merely the most common example of a broader category of paraphilic sexual interests that he called “erotic target location errors” (Freund and Blanchard 1993). Men with erotic target locations errors want to impersonate, or change their bodies to resemble, the persons or things (“erotic targets”) that they love: whatever their preferred erotic targets, these men, including autogynephilic transsexuals, erroneously locate those erotic targets wholly or partially inside themselves, in contrast to the usual pattern of locating erotic targets exclusively outside oneself. This phenomenon is illustrated by an excerpt from the autobiography of a nonhomosexual MtF transsexual, describing her simultaneous desire to have what she loves and to become what she loves:
"I was feverishly interested in [girls]. I studied their hair, their clothes, their figures. And I brooded about the increasing differences between us. I seethed with envy while at the same time becoming sexually aroused—I wanted to possess them even as I wanted to become them. In my nighttime fantasies, as I masturbated or floated towards sleep, I combined the two compulsions, dreaming of sex but with myself as the girl." (Hunt 1978, p. 60)
The term autogynephilia (literally, “love of oneself as a woman”)
I agree, in myself the urge to be "Feminine",is greater then,the actual sexual experience.yet the true,actual sexual experience,I do very much desire.- "being Feminine for a real man" (I don't see myself as a real-man) only partly,and much more Feminine.-me
So if one reads my page "First Contact", one can see I was at least "Predisposed",to wish to be like a girl,be in a female role.
So here is a Male class mate whom wants me as his "fem-boy friend",it was very easy and natural to fit into the role of being like his "girl-friend", I don't know to this day,what became of him,if he ever was in the Fem role,in other same sex encounters,etc
Yet I do know,my friend (First Contact),reinforced feelings which already where instilled in me,then by him telling me some boys,are just "girl-like",it was fine,though not normal,thus I knew I just wasn't quite "so called Normal " already since at least 6 years old. I got a step-sister soon after my parents divorce,and my mother's soon re-marriage to man with two children near my age, my step sister a few years older,then myself. Her and I soon where secretly playing together,looking at each others bodies,kissing,fondling etc,I remember the first time,I seen her private part,then thinking "I want to be like her".
Autogynephilia is defined as a male’s propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought or image of himself as female.
If you were born a male instead of female, or a female instead of a male, how would your life be different?
Is being born with particular genitals a precondition to become any assigned gender?
The correct answer is no! We cannot assume that every male is a man and every female a woman. Being born male, becoming a man and desiring a woman are independent factors that can develop separately. In others terms it’s not because someone is born with male genitals that he is necessary a man.
In some cultures if there is no male to assume the continuity of the lineage the female becomes a man to fit that role.
A point I need to make here as well, a maybe a common thought of people ,which maybe fact,yet may not be ,which is someone like my self looks at men sexually,on a Common everyday basis,this could be nothing farther then Truth!.I seldom ever look at anyone in this way,very,very few men am I attracted to,as well as females,it is very rare in both cases, For me to think about a person in sexual terms,I must talk to them,get to know them.
My only real sexual fantasies I can recall, have been in my "cuckold role" when with a female,or simply in my Fem-male role,with a male whom is accepting of me as "Fem-male"
I think the "Cuckold role " is so pleasing because it makes me feel,"Un-manly",and I liked it very much if my ex-wife or girlfriends whom cuckold me, told me that their male lover was much more manly then me,a better lover,etc.
excerpt from "On Memnon": Ulrichs accepted the maxim that “opposites attract” and pointed out how it could apply not only to love between men and women, but to love between Urnings as well: “Just as between man and woman, so too between the virile Mannling and the girlish Weibling, in the appropriate age group on both sides, there is a completely mutual sexual attraction” (Memnon, 1: 16), adding in a footnote: “For here too a female soul is attracted by a male body, not a soul by a soul or a body by a body.” That he does not pursue the matter is probably due to this being outside his own experience, as well as to his acceptance of the principle that “opposites attract.” This principle was well illustrated in Ulrichs’s case, since he was attracted to markedly masculine young men and saw himself as somewhat effeminate. He evoked this principle to explain the fact that some Urnings were attracted to young boys. He notes that Mannlings and Weiblings are also distinct in the ages to which they are attracted. For Weiblings, just as for women, the range is around eighteen to thirty-six. For Mannlings, however, the range is from nineteen down to the earliest signs of puberty, and even beyond (Memnon, 2: xv–xvi). Ulrichs was surprised when he first learned of this, for: “This whole matter of Mannlings is foreign to my personal experience” (Memnon, 2: xviii). He can only explain this by the masculine Urning being attracted to his opposite, i.e., to girlishness (Memnon, 2: xix). But he adds parenthetically: “With regard to the prepubertal, I would nonetheless take such a sexual inclination to be a sickness.”
Also outside Ulrichs’s own experience is the love of the Urning variety he labels “disjunctive Uranodioning,” i.e., who feels only “tender-sentimental” love for his male love-object. To illustrate this he quotes at length from the letter of a 26-year-old Czech who wrote to Ulrichs on 25 October 1867: I feel my strongest, purest desire in the sight of charming boyish features…. The only thing that disturbs my illusion is, when the beautiful boy grows older and a beard develops; then my passion becomes more sober. That my inclination is natural is guaranteed by the fact that it does not decrease. In addition, only quite young, tender, shy girlish boys attract me, not strong and robust ones, and indeed only those with decent and pure hearts. How I would like to often press the beautiful boy to my heart and cover his pure eyes with hot kisses: and yet I dare not! (Memnon, 2: 88–89)
My strongest attraction is for "young (18+) androgynous black males", that will take me as a Fem-male,which many have. ( I just wish,I had become better educated / aware of and about my gender identity about my desires -1997-2005-) I think of several guys,I really liked,which I let get away..yet Societies Norm's I believe stood in the Way,to a large part.Yet they both where late 20's,I was mid 30's.
Though a bit over two years ago( while still in re-hab) I found myself working with a very sexy androgynous 22 year old white guy, I did find myself "wishing he could -Bone me-" and if he had showed interest,it would of really happened,I am certain.That is the last time I've been truly interested.I even now and then wish I would of asked him if I could perform "Fellatio" on him.
I personally feel ,at this current time, "It is very appealing ,the idea of going to work everyday wearing a dress,publicly being a "Fem-male",I very much would do that in a occupation which allowed it,and the idea of breast implants is appealing,as well as taking Hormones, is not out of question.
The young Lady ,above is a model that came to my home to Pose for me to sketch, I always felt she might of been,a bit of nervous about being alone with me,Vulnerable...I did tell,not to worry I have ld hano sexual motivations.I just wish I could have told her then, " I think your beautiful,yet I am a Fem-male,of the transsexual variety "
So for myself to relate to Blanchard's - autogynephilia- theory:
♠ I clearly now realize that I wish to be Like a Female,to attract a male so I can be like the Female that I wish to be.
♠ A -Dilemma- of my mind, I often imagine or wish that a female or a group of females are watching as I am being" Boned by the Men", I often have the thought," I want them to see me,as one of them"
♠ The "gif" of me above shows I have a erection, Now this is pose,I would not do,I don't wish to display myself,I wish my penis to be tiny and " Insignificant ", and when I was actually with the guys,I wouldn't often get a erection, and when I do ejaculate,which was possible if they took their time "Boning me",I was always limp and tiny when I climaxed-(extremely intense orgasms)
♠ So looking back ,by 1999, I was routinely seeing about 5 different men a week,(mainly in their cars giving them a blow-job), I nearly always wore thigh-highs for them to seeing me as "Fem-male",if they came to my home
♠ Yet in this year more and more of the men, began to "Bone" me and ejaculate in my bottom.greatly enhancing my Feminine feeling.
The "Term" for me might be :(third-gender)→18th century England: Mollies ,→19th century England: Uranian ,→Femminiello,→ in Neapolitan culture ,→ Southern Mexico: Muxe ,→Travestis of Latin America have been described as a third gender , →Polynesia: Fa'afafine (Samoan), fakaleiti (Tongan), mahu wahine (Hawaiian), mahu vahine (Tahitian), whakawahine (New Zealand Māori) and akava'ine (Cook Islands Māori). ,→Cree: napêw iskwêwisêhot, "A man who dresses as a woman" ,→Lakota: wíŋkte is the contraction of an older Lakota word, Winyanktehca, meaning "wants to be like a woman" , →Berdache, Among certain Native American peoples, a person, usually a male, who assumes the gender identity and is granted the social status of the opposite sex.
Berdache. A strange word, to be sure, but one that has a long and complicated history. The Berdache tradition is a Native American/American Indian tradition that allowed for gender role change.
Gender role change is the adoption, for various reasons, of a culturally defined social role that is dictated to the opposite sex. This means that a man could adopt the social role of a woman and vice versa. In the Berdache tradition, this was almost always a permanent change.
Kathoey or katoey (Thai: กะเทย; RTGS: Kathoei [kàtʰɤːj]) is a transgender woman or an effeminate gay male in Thailand. A significant number of Thais perceive kathoeys as belonging to a third gender, including many kathoeys themselves, while others see them as either a kind of man or a kind of woman. Transgender women in Thailand mostly use terms other than Kathoey when referring to themselves.
Looking at the above photo of myself, thinking if I where actually seek any type of surgery to transition to Fem-male/third-gender in a realistic,rational / practical fashion ,I would simply have my penis replaced as a vagina. As I know I can't really be female,not look female, yet without a penis,it would make me feel much more "Feminine",
♣ I do know ,a big,big desire in myself,something that greatly draws my attention/turns me on,not so much sexually,yet simply that seems "how it should be".
♣ I just wonder if, a surgical constructed vagina,is a reality,,and I do know I love having a man's penis in my bottom,would it still give me that ability to feel ?- one of those things that once it is done,it's Done! →"Scary"
♣ I already know I am very much more Pyschologically Female then male,having a penis in my bottom and sucking cock is great,,,fulfills the actual sexual aspect of being in female-role, so I rationalize myself right out of any great desire for surgery.
♣ I really just think nurturing my "Pyschologically Female" self is most important, Like moving to place ,such as a City as San Francisco,etc. where I can dress as I like,(wear my dresses,thigh-highs,leg warmers etc.),date Straight Men.
The Sex Orientation Scale (SOS) was Harry Benjamin's attempt to classify and understand various forms and subtypes of transvestism and transsexualism in biological males, published in 1966. It was a seven-point scale (with three types of transvestism, three types of transsexualism, and one category for typical males); it was analogous to the Kinsey Scale as it relates to sexual orientation, which also had seven categories. Much like Kinsey's understanding of sexual orientation, Benjamin understood the nature of gender identity and gender expression not as a discrete scale, but as a spectrum, a continuum with many variations. However the Benjamin scale does not reflect a modern understanding of gender identity and is not useful as a contemporary diagnostic tool, especially due to its conflation of gender identity with sexual orientation.
Benjamin noted, "It must be emphasized again that the remaining six types are not and never can be sharply separated." Benjamin added a caveat: "It has been the intention here to point out the possibility of several conceptions and classifications of the transvestitic and the transsexual phenomenon. Future studies and observations may decide which one is likely to come closest to the truth and in this way a possible understanding of the etiology may be gained."
Benjamin's Scale references and uses Alfred Kinsey's sexual orientation scale to distinguish between "true transsexualism" and "transvestism". But the strict relationship between gender identity (Benjamin's Scale) and sexual orientation (Kinsey's Scale) was just a result of the researcher's biases, not his scientific findings.
excerpt from Homosexuality in Ancient Greece ; for myself passive means "female role"
Sex was viewed as directional, and having two roles active and passive
While this article is written to discuss the homosexuality, specifically Greek pederasty, a discussion of how the Greeks saw sexuality must be understood. In our modern understanding of sexuality, except in cases of abuse such as rape, the partners are equals. But this was not the case in ancient Greece. First there was a fundamental inequity in favor of the free male in relationship to boys, women and slaves. Secondly this resulted in sex having a directional quality, with an anatomic imperative, again in favor of the free male. Sex was something he did to someone else and what he used to do it with, his male sex organ, the penis. Thirdly, sex had active/passive roles, one partner was the penetrator and the second partner was penetrated. Thus the ancient Greeks may be seen as having a greater acceptance for bisexuality.
For the ancients, many historians agree, sexuality was not a separate realm of experience, the core of private life; instead it was directly linked to social power and status. People were judged by public behavior, for which there were clear roles; marriage, for instance, was a duty that bore no necessary relationship to erotic satisfaction. Socially powerful males (citizens) enjoyed sexual access to almost all other members of the society (including, in Greece, enslaved males, younger free males, foreigners, and women of all classes). (Clausen, Beyond Gay or Straight, p. 51)
First, the expression of sexuality was centered on a fundamental inequity, not only in male-female relationships, but also between male partners in a homosexual relationship. (King, Sowing the Field: Greek and Roman Sexology, p. 29 in Sexual Knowledge Sexual Science: The History of the Attitudes in Sexuality editors Roy Porter and Mikulas Teich)
In ancient Greece there is one particular adult male who is identified with homosexual behavior. The Greeks had a name for this individual, kinaidos. This individual was the one who took the passive receptive role in the male homosexual behavior of anal intercourse.
A man who enjoys playing the receptive partner is derogated as a prostitute and as having forfeited his right as a citizen to hold office. The assumption is that a man who would willingly make himself available would do anything! Only slaves, women, and foreigners would willingly choose to be treated as objects (Downing, Myths and Mysteries of Same-Sex Love, p. 139)
For myself it was always very important that I project to a man that I was 100% passive (very much wished to be anally penetrated),I very much wanted to be treated kindly, etc, yet very much wanted to be "Lady Like ".
Transsexualism is a sex and gender problem, the transsexual being primarily concerned with his (or her) self only, a sex partner being of secondary although occasionally vital importance.
Example ; For myself it is much more important for me to feel / look feminine, then to actual need for sex, I am very much ok being " Celibate "
excerpt from " becoming what we love " ↑ ; Erotic and romantic preferences appear to serve as important elements of identity in paraphilic erotic-romantic orientations as well (Levine, Risen, and Althof 1990). Person (1980) proposed that an individual’s unique personal eroticromantic orientation or “sex print” can be a particularly significant element of identity in the case of “deviant” sexual preferences or paraphilic erotic-romantic orientations:
Because it is revealed rather than chosen, sexual preference is felt as deeply rooted and deriving from one’s nature. To the degree that one utilizes sexuality (for pleasure, for adaptation, as the resolution of unconscious conflict) and to the degree that sexuality is valued, one’s sexual “nature” will be experienced as more or less central to personality. To the extent that an individual’s sex print “deviates” from the culture’s prescription for sexuality, it may be experienced as even more central to identity (at least in this culture). So, for example, many transsexuals and transvestites report both relief and a sense of personality consolidation when “I found out what I am,” when “I found out there were others like me.” (p. 51)
In a similar vein, Person (1992) suggested that interpersonal romantic love provides a solution to the “problem of meaning” in societies in which other sources of meaning, such as religion or allegiance to family or clan, have lost much of their power. Accordingly, many individuals with conventional sexual orientations structure their lives around their relationship with the person they love. For nonhomosexual MtF transsexuals, the decision to structure one’s life around becoming what one loves by undertaking sex reassignment similarly addresses the problem of meaning. The process of changing one’s body and living as a woman offers an identity, a program of action, and a purpose in life. Finally, Person (1992) observed that interpersonal romantic love carries the potential for deep personal transformation: “Love has the power to break old ties to family and friends, alter religious and ethnic affiliations, change social class and political preference, and in the case of those lovers who discover by way of their beloved their life’s work or mission bring new purpose and meaning to life” (p. 401). This also seems true of nonhomosexual MtF transsexuals who decide to become what they love. Taking on the appearance and social role of the other sex constitutes a profound personal transformation in and of itself, of course, but these transsexuals often undergo important transformations in other domains of life as well. Nonhomosexual MtF transsexuals commonly report reconsidering their occupational choices, changing their political affiliations, undergoing spiritual conversions, and reevaluating their core beliefs and values in connection with sex reassignment. Not surprisingly, the changes they experience often move them toward more female-typical attitudes, values, and choices.
The concept of autogynephilia is essential to understanding the increasing prevalence of atypical MtF transsexualism in Western countries. Autogynephilic transsexualism is a manifestation of paraphilic sexuality, but thinking about autogynephilia as a purely erotic phenomenon is not the most helpful approach for clinicians who want to achieve a sophisticated understanding of their nonhomosexual MtF transsexual patients. Thinking about nonhomosexual or autogynephilic MtF transsexuals as men who “love women and want to become what they love” offers a more accurate and more richly informative model for clinicians.
Person and Ovesey proposed a typology of trans persons assuming that a child's separation-individuation anxiety produced a fantasy of symbiotic fusion with the mother which the transsexual tries to resolve by surgically becoming her mother. Papers to this effect were published 1973-85. (See part II for details).
I personally believe for myself , due to my wanting to Dis-identify with the male gender as my own "Self", thus in terms of gender , I so took on a kinda hybrid type gender Identity, that of being as male due to my physical body, yet wanting the role much more of female. I personally believe the term " Romantic " is or should be simply seen to represent the " aspect of the mating process " and primary high attraction period, getting two people to come together to " breed ", after which a true "Love bond " may form or may not.
For example ; If I have sex with a male, my objective in it's "Core " is to have him " breed me " ( get him to thrust his penis in my bottom until he ejaculates in me), if we become true friends, maybe love may form, yet love has nothing to do with desiring to be
" Bred by a male " , maybe it isn't normal, yet it how I feel.
The Effects of Psychological Trauma
Severe psychological trauma causes impairment of the neuroendocrine systems in the body. Extreme stress triggers the fight or flight survival response, which activates the sympathetic and suppresses the parasympathetic nervous system. Fight or flight responses increase cortisol levels in the central nervous system, which enables the individual to take action to survive (either dissociation, hyperarousal or both), but which at extreme levels can cause alterations in brain development and destruction of brain cells.
In children, high levels of cortisol can disrupt cell differentiation, cell migration and critical aspects of central nervous system integration and functioning. Trauma affects basic regulatory processes in the brain stem, the limbic brain (emotion, memory, regulation of arousal and affect), the neocortex (perception of self and the world) as well as integrative functioning across various systems in the central nervous system. Traumatic experiences are stored in the child’s body/mind, and fear, arousal and dissociation associated with the original trauma may continue after the threat of danger and arousal has subsided.- /The Effects of Psychological Trauma on Children
For my self ; when I watch the video above, I see her as beautiful, yet in the context of " I love to have her Body "and not in a sexual way!
And by far her body below the waist, so as I am sexually female in a real way
For example; As long as I can remember (6years old) ,I often would pose in front of mirror wishing to look as this ↑Yet for myself , I have never desired to look 100% female, only just simply as I am yet have breasts and a vagina ↓
In the past for example , if I was talking to a man, (by way of getting to know each other on phone), I most often describe my self as a Fem-male, 100% female roled sexually (I wished in reality was 100% female sexually), I would convey to them with the phrase "just pretend I am female" - a lot-
I have spent a lot time looking at what being -Female- is in a -"Pure form"- sort of way, free from "social construct", such as wearing high heels, make-up, types of clothing.
I think as well, we have to be careful, not to assume " to be Transgender " means one needs to pass as Female if they are really male
I don't wish to pass as Female, yet I want to pass as a "male who wants to be Female like, and 100% sexually" for example the greatest thing for me would be - if a man seen me dressed as in the photo below, we talked a bit, say he asked are you "transgender etc."...I could say with truth, "I have a artificial vagina, and breasts,and I take the role of Female sexually "
So for me the "vagioplasty or vulvoplasty " surgeries very much have been a big part of the " gender dysphoria ", and I have to keep myself in check, as not to get Obsessed with it (or any Transfeminine Affirmation Surgery!), I can make a padded bra, yet not a vagina !
The Very Theme of my web journal is in Large part to move beyond " Pre-Concieved Notions " and see in a "Pure Form way "
A look at Plato's Forms ; "Our attempts will of course fall short. Plato would say that peoples’ attempts to recreate the Form will end up being a pale facsimile of the perfect Idea, just as everything in this world is an imperfect representation of its perfect Form. The Idea or Form of a triangle and the drawing we come up with is a way of comparing the perfect and imperfect. How good our drawing is will depend on our ability to recognise the Form of Triangle. Although no one has ever seen a perfect triangle, for Plato this is not a problem. If we can conceive the Idea or Form of a perfect triangle in our mind, then the Idea of Triangle must exist."- philosophynow.org
Plato also believed ; Plato thinks that a ruler must also be a philosopher and know the FORMS, I personally agree and the very reason society, will fail if we don't start electing this type person as our Leaders.
I think the band -Rush- agreed too!
And the men who hold high places
Must be the ones who start
To mold a new reality
Closer to the heart
Closer to the heart
The blacksmith and the artist
Reflect it in their art
They forge their creativity
Closer to the heart
Yes closer to the heart
Philosophers and plowmen
Each must know his part
To sow a new mentality
Closer to the heart
Yes closer to the heart, yeah, oh
You can be the captain
And I will draw the chart
Sailing into destiny
Closer to the heart
Closer to the heart
Well closer to the heart, yeah
Closer to the heart
Closer to the heart
I said closer to the heart
Well closer to the heart, yeah
Closer to your heart
Closer to your heart, whoa
Songwriters: ALEX ZIVOJINOVICH, GARY LEE WEINRIB, NEIL ELWOOD PEART, PETER H TALBOT
↑I love to be in her role, looking as Feminine as I can,
or the " berdache role "
8/17/2019 I can really relate to the above Fem-male in above video