Getting a Grip on our Ego


How Homeostasis Influences Our Growth and Development -scottjeffrey.com/our-resistance-to-growth

The following excerpt from Scott Jeffery's site; I believe 2-of the 13 traits of Self-Actualizing, must be aware of at all times,and to accept "Self",yet to accept Self,first one must get to know Self, the rest will follow. For example it took myself years to accept that I am a Androgynous type/ identifying with feminine role.Believe me my Ego,battled this tooth and nail,,cause it is not a "Society Norm".thus a Homeostasis factor/element is here.

We must Remember to remind ourselves we are a individual,and though we belong to a "Tribe" (society), we still have to be the individual within ourselves,and if it doesn't endanger the "Tribe" as a whole,we have to be brave enough to be ourselves,sure others will judge,be critics,etc. yet you must ask "is what I am doing harming,if so how? "Here be aware of the Self-comfirmation bias-(((Confirmation bias, also called confirmatory bias or myside bias,[Note 1] is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms one's preexisting beliefs or hypotheses.[1] It is a type of cognitive bias and a systematic error of inductive reasoning.)

   Another example for myself,which is difficult,is I would prefer to wear dresses,skirts,not to degree of "crazy dressed up for say a drag show",,just practically dressed as if able to; "work in clothes", I do now wear a sport bra,female panties,as my common everyday dress, to myself it would be harmful to go to the store wearing a dress,and would it be so distracting to the people whom see me (the public)..Society,is it ready to see a person such as myself at the store?- This is a Reality-

    This is a aspect of our society in which we have greatly regressed,which is a model/symbol of a state the Society is in; "a Barometer",,it may seem simple,superficial,yet it is symbolic to a very,very deep level,,and the very reason,I have maintained the need to keep the "Androgynous aspect of myself " on this site.Question is as well,how many other Ego bias's exist in our Society?

   I have always thought for example; "The United States was to be a Model for a greater world,with it's 50 states,"Unity with Diversity", all the ethnic groups of the world,keeps it safe and a place for growth,yet something is not working,,the "Collective Ego",prevents Yet whom is driving this "Ego" ?


What is Homeostasis?

We fear success for the same fundamental reason we fear failure.

Movement in either direction—up or down—means moving out of the known and into the unknown.

Our internal systems are designed to maintain homeostasis. We are biologically wired to stay in balance, to stay within what is known and comfortable.

Our bodies, brains, and behavior have built-in mechanisms to stay within a narrow range and return to equilibrium when they move outside these narrow limits.

Homeostasis refers to the body’s automatic efforts to maintain a constant, “normal” state.

In our blood stream alone, homeostasis regulates the content of water, salt, sugar, fat, protein, calcium, and oxygen.

What would happen if your blood-sugar level dropped by 10 percent? Big trouble!

All self-regulating systems have ways of maintaining homeostasis and keeping us in familiar and safe territory.

Keeping human beings in a state of homeostasis takes billions of interconnecting electrochemical signals coursing through our brains, nerve fibers, and bloodstream.

Homeostasis: An Illustration

To better understand homeostasis, consider your home’s heating system. You set the temperature at, for example, 65 degrees.

When the temperature drops below 65, a signal is sent through the system to kick the heat on until the environment returns to the set temperature.

Homeostasis is a vital function in all self-regulating systems.

Keeping human beings in a state of homeostasis takes billions of interconnecting electrochemical signals coursing through our brains, nerve fibers, and bloodstream.

The Biology of Homeostasis

The challenge is that homeostasis doesn’t distinguish between “change for the better” and “change for the worse.”

Homeostasis resists all change. In a way, we each have a pre-installed biological mechanism designed to hinder our growth.

For example, let’s say a 40-year-old man named Peter has lived a sedentary lifestyle without any exercise, stretching, or movement for many years.

He knows this isn’t good for his long-term health, and he’s beginning to feel its effects.

Peter decides to go for a light jog in his neighborhood.

He’s proud of himself for taking action, but around the third block, something happens: Peter starts feeling sick and a little dizzy, with a slight sense of panic.

He feels like he’s going to die. Peter stops running and slowly walks home.

“I tried,” he tells himself. “Perhaps I’ll join the gym one day.”

The sensations Peter experienced were homeostatic alarm signals detecting measurable changes in respiration, heart rate, and metabolism. His internal systems were telling him to stop what he is doing immediately.

Remember, homeostasis is designed to maintain your current state. After years of sedentary living, a light jog throws Peter’s internal systems into high alert.

Because Peter didn’t know about homeostasis, he interpreted those signals as a threat.

And unfortunately, he opted out of installing good routines and making beneficial life changes.

If Peter understood the principles of homeostasis, he could have persisted through the discomfort, slowly shifting his “normal state” to a stronger, healthier set point.

Homeostasis in Social Environments

Homeostasis isn’t just biological; it operates in social and cultural spheres as well.

Let’s say Peter’s peer group tends to be sedentary. They all avoid physical exercise at all cost.

When he decides to engage in physical activity, his friends will likely exert a social pressure to stop his efforts.

Not only does Peter have to contend with his biological resistance, but he must also overcome the gravity of his social group.

Whenever you adopt a new, empowering behavior, you can experience this downward pressure.

Although you might expect your family or friends to support your new changes, group homeostasis often exerts pressure to maintain old patterns.

This process operates unconsciously, that is, they may not even be aware of their unsupportive behavior.

Despite the best intentions of your loved ones’, those closest to you may try to keep you where you are.

When you grow, you’re different. The homeostasis of your environment, including friends, family, and co-workers, is affected.

Growth can cause pressure and discomfort for others (since they have an unconscious desire for growth, too).

People in your environment may look at you differently. They may admire your changes; your efforts may inspire them.

But a part of them also may envy you and secretly despise you. Your friends and family may prefer the “old” you.

By being aware of these tendencies, you can allow yourself to feel these social pressures without enabling them to influence your behavior.

It can also help you become more compassionate toward yourself and others.

The Psychological Fear of Growth

The path of self mastery, of evolution, creation, and growth, can be a lonely one.

Discovering a great talent within yourself that demands nurturance can be exhilarating, but it can also bring feelings of danger and responsibility.

It may require you to stand alone, cultivating inner strength instead of seeking support from your environment. (Although you can find those that will support your efforts, too, especially if they are on their path to self-mastery.)

Standing strong can feel like a heavy burden, a thankless endeavor we might consider avoiding at all costs.

The path to growth and self mastery is invariably difficult at times. It’s uncomfortable moving out of the known into the unknown.

Even if the known is not ideal or even desirable, it’s familiar to us. And since all humans have a need for safety, there will always be an attraction to staying within the familiar.

Make peace with homeostasis, but continually challenge yourself to establish higher homeostatic set points.

Honoring your need for safety, courageously guide yourself into the great unknown.

Enjoy practice for practice’s sake. Transform yourself slowly, steadily, and daily.

excerpt from Scott Jeffery's site;

               13 Characteristics of Self Actualization

How do you know if you’re on your path toward self-actualization?

In Motivation and Personality (1954), Maslow included a paper titled, “Self-Actualizing People: a Study of Psychological Health.

In this insightful report, Maslow highlights 13 characteristics of self-actualizing individuals:

1) Superior perception of reality

Self-actualizing people possess an unusual ability to judge others accurately and detect dishonesty in the personality. With superior perception comes the capacity to determine what’s good for the person and make effective decisions.

2) Increased acceptance of self, of others, and of nature

Maslow found that these mentally healthy people had less overriding guilt, crippling shame, and severe anxiety. Self-actualizing people can accept their nature, including their shortcomings and contradictions, without feeling real concern.

3) Increased spontaneity

They are more spontaneous in their behavior as well as in their lives, thoughts, and impulses. Naturalness and simplicity mark their behavior.

4) Increase in problem-centering

They are more focused on problems outside themselves as opposed to personal issues (ego-centered). They often have missions in life and tasks to fulfill that demand much of their energies.

5) Increased detachment and desire for privacy

They are comfortable being by themselves without the neurotic need to always be around people. They positively like solitude and privacy to a greater degree than the average person.

6) Increased autonomy and resistance to enculturation

They are relatively independent of their social environment. Motivated by a drive for internal growth, they are more focused on the development of their potentialities. In contrast, the average person is dependent on and motivated by social or cultural forces.

7) Greater freshness of appreciation and richness of emotional reaction

They can appreciate, freshly and innocently, the inherent elements of life with awe, wonder, and pleasure long after these things become stale to others. For example, they can gaze at a tree or a sunset for a long time without getting bored and looking for additional stimulation.

8) Higher frequency of peak experiences

In his book Religion, Values and Peak Experience, Maslow called this “a mystic experience or oceanic feeling.” He found that these mystical experiences are more intense forms of experiences where there’s a loss of self or transcendence of it. According to Maslow, everyone has access to peak experiences, but self-actualizing people have them more often.

9) Increased identification with the human species

Later research in developmental psychology confirms Maslow’s observations.

Humans develop from being identified exclusively with themselves (egocentric) to identification to a group, whether it be family, religious, or political (sociocentric) to identification with all of humanity (worldcentric).

10) Improved interpersonal relations

Capable of greater love and more obliteration of ego boundaries, they have deeper relationships than other adults. But they may only form deeper bonds with a select few individuals, maintaining a relatively small circle of friends.

11) More democratic character structure

They are friendly with anyone of suitable character regardless of class, education, political belief, race, or color. Identifying more closely with the human species, they are less determined by (and often unaware of) any of these classifications.

12) Increased creativeness

A universal characteristic of all self-actualizing people Maslow studied was an increase in creative expression. This creativeness is not a “special talent” creativity that takes years of constant practice to cultivate, but rather a more innocent, playful, and spontaneous creative expression found in young children.

13) Certain changes in the value system

With their philosophic acceptance of the nature of their selves, of human nature, and of physical reality, they establish a firm value structure.


I think the following at calmdownmind.com is very helpful

excerpt from calmdownmind.com ;


A person who has a lot of inner conflicts would usually exhibit the below behaviors:

  • Is usually easily influenced by the opinions and point-of-views of others.
  • Feels guilt/shame about some natural drives/impulses in oneself.
  • Finds it difficult to make decisions and is always doubtful about the decisions made.
  • Finds oneself attracting dysfunctional relationships that are rife with conflicts with no sense of harmony.
  • Feels no sense of stability in oneself and is highly volatile when faced with a challenge.
  • Is constantly seeking support from others due to lack of conviction in one’s own self.
  • Feels sudden changes in moods and personality.
  • Is highly uncertain about what he/she really wants/desires from life in the realm of finances, relationship and lifestyle.
  • Is usually trying to distract oneself from having to face the conflicts within – distractions are usually in the form of entertainment, relief inducing chemicals (alcohol, drugs), escape-oriented spirituality, ambiguous work etc.

It’s easy to identify if your inner space has a conflicted vibrations in it because your life situation will create ample “realities” where you would see these conflicts coming to the surface again and again.

Theory of mind in adults

Neurotypical adults have the theory of mind concepts that they developed as children (concepts such as belief, desire, knowledge and intention). A focal question is how they use these concepts to meet the diverse demands of social life, ranging from snap decisions about how to trick an opponent in a competitive game, to keeping up with who knows what in a fast-moving conversation, to judging the guilt or innocence of the accused in a court of law.[38]

Boaz Keysar, Dale Barr and colleagues found that adults often failed to use their theory of mind abilities to interpret a speaker’s message, even though they were perfectly well aware that the speaker lacked critical knowledge.[39] Other studies converge in showing that adults are prone to “egocentric biases”, whereby they are influenced by their own beliefs, knowledge or preferences when judging those of other people, or else neglect other people’s perspectives entirely.[40] There is also evidence that adults with greater memory and inhibitory capacity and greater motivation are more likely to use their theory of mind abilities.  (road to apathy?)-me