Modern Roles for a "Fem-male" like myself

                    Fem-male / eunuch / Au pair  type person

Because "Looking" back in my history concerning how I've adapted, evolved , "encountered the State of; being a Fem-roled-male in a society, that doesn't even want to recognize your dilemma, let alone offer guidance, had not in pass, thought the transgender peoples

where not important to the "Tribe", yet very much did in history !.....Why is that ?  

I know I longed for to be like a; Fem-male / eunuchAu pair  type person for several married males I normally would sexually pleasure.

  First get to know her, see if it was possible for her to accept me as a "Fem-male", like in "Terrace", and reason I wrote Terrace as after so much sex, and still alone, instead got a dog "George" and became celibate. 

                                  it is humanly possible,if  her and I could form a platonic bond.

  I know for sure if I could of been a  Berdache / eunuchAu pair person partnered with a married male/female couple I would of likely had the vulvoplasty surgery, thus become physically emasculated

And I personally like helping teach children, especially in ways of Nature,Art.

                                               And clearly the basic family unit is in need of help,to move into the future.


                                                         If I look at how I was appearing to be " Clearly " a Fem-boy

                                                                  Yet also not knowing how to navigate, alone

      at Stage 5 part of my childhood development, thinking the attraction to boys,wanting to be like a girl would simply on it's own,

                                                              just go away, and see now it couldn't just go away.


Stage 5
Entering puberty, wet dreams, ejaculations, then masturbating by hand thus realizing what great feeling it was to have a orgasm and ejaculate " And the fact that I could make myself do it! ". Very soon, by curiousity I tried getting my erect penis in my own mouth, by surprise I could bring my legs up over me, and with little effort get most of my penis in my mouth, and just take my time sucking it, until I'd finally reach orgasm, ejaculate in my mouth and swallow it all.After that,it was the method I nearly always used to masturbate.
Entering 7th grade, where we now have to take showers(open showers), this in it's self a culture shock, taking showers with group  of boys nude.
  Then realizing , I didn't fit, as I was sexual excited by some of these boys.
  Then soon to have one boy becoming attracted to me, and soon start to
  pursue me for sex "Seduce " me . → " my first experience as femboy page "
  His Seduction of me soon worked, and he asked me to be his "girly-boyfriend" then took me sexually as ;
  a girly- boyfriend,told me what a girly-boyfriend does, and soon I was sucking his penis,
  then he was penetrating me anally and ejaculating in my bottom. I would normally at least give him a blow-job once a  day,if could sneak away more I suck him as often as he wanted me to one day for example I did 3 times and after school  if could, had time etc. we meet so he could penetrate me and ejaculate in my bottom. Soon he would introduce me to a  older friend, whom wasn't in our school, yet he met us on our out of school encounters, he  really liked penetrating me  anally.So they routinely began double teaming me, one would ejaculate in my mouth,one in my bottom.
  The rumors at school started, students making fun behind my back type behavior, even then I wanted to be with them,
  continued to as often as possible, they even then they where asking me if I'd like to be introduced to some other friends
  of theirs, I told them they could if they where fit,clean etc, and promised to treat me good, this never happened due to  the trauma of the shaming got worst, and had to stop seeing them, as well as being advised by a few friends whom  knew. Yet I likely would of started having sex with as many as possible whom I found fit.
  "This was very Traumatic"

  Traumatic in many ways ,I didn't realize until a Life-time of personally inquiry, learning, recognizing.
  1. the trauma of realizing I wanted to be his "girly-boyfriend"
  2. Once I actually was having sex with him and his friend, knowing I loved being in this role.
  And it wasn't the Normal thing a boy does!
  3. Realizing I liked being female roled sexually. now what! , I'm I stuck like this ?
  4. Being discovered,public shaming,being made fun of.
  5. The realization that no part of me wanted to change, that I didn't want to be like a boy sexually
  I very much only wanted to be like a girl sexually, Trauma of "Not" having the want to change
  "The Free-Will dilemma"
  "One might do what they want, yet can't want what they want "
  In 1975 , even though teachers were aware of the shaming, it was so taboo, they buried heads in sand, instead of educating the         student body on the fact that, same sex attraction is a normal, yet a divergent element of human evolution!  -
  clearly recorded in history!
  And what different can be done ?
  I've often thought of the idea of having a school just for transgender type individuals
  male to female,(whom are only sexually attracted to males) yet select heterosexual girls as
  well, as I do think for myself friendship with females is important, as that is whom we are  trying to be like, Then at least we'd be known to be Transsexual types or;
  " males that are psychosexually female "
  as at this stage my sexual orientation was set,
  and knew I only had desire to be a girly-boyfriend for a boy
  We could dress as feminine like as we felt right for ourselves.
  We could be taught about how to safely have sex with a boy (anal sex,etc)

  as that will likely be the norm for rest of life .

Ancient Greece

Both women and boys engaged in prostitution in ancient Greece.[33] Female prostitutes could be independent and sometimes influential women. They were required to wear distinctive dresses and had to pay taxes. Some similarities have been found between the Greek hetaera, the Japanese oiran, and also the Indian tawaif. Some prostitutes in ancient Greece, such as Lais were as famous for their company as their beauty, and some of these women charged extraordinary sums for their services. 

                                               I was kinda like a Hetaira, I felt,  for my men

Hetaira /hɪˈtaɪrə/ (plural hetairai (/hɪˈtaɪraɪ/), also hetaera /hɪˈtɪrə/ (plural hetaerae /hɪˈtɪriː/), (Ancient Greek: ἑταίρα, "companion", pl. ἑταῖραι) was a type of prostitute in ancient Greece

Traditionally, historians of ancient Greece have distinguished between hetairai and pornai, another class of prostitute in ancient Greece. In contrast to pornai, who provided sex for numerous clients in brothels or on the street, hetairai were thought to have had only a few men as clients at any one time, to have had long-term relationships with them, and to have provided companionship and intellectual stimulation as well as sex.[1] For instance, Charles Seltman wrote in 1953 that "hetaeras were certainly in a very different class, often highly educated women".[2]     

                                                                    I was highly selective

                                  And it boiled down to "respect and mannerism, cleanliness"

                                       For example;  If I did give him a blow-job, he'd better not try forcing his cock

                                                               in my mouth, ejaculate without warning me.

                                                               If he was going to penetrate my bottom, he need to help me stay

                                                               lubed, again not force himself up in me, if he was well hung,(8-10")                                                                                                                         he 

                                                               needed to take it slow and easy as he fully entered me, and he had

                                                               just be gentle, compared  to the average guy whom could bone me

                                                               fast and hard.

  My role at time was similar the Ancient Greeks (as a female roled male)
An elaborate social code governed the mechanics of Greek pederasty. It was the duty of the adult man to court the boy who struck his fancy, and it was viewed as socially appropriate for the younger man to withhold for a while before capitulating to his mentor's desires. This waiting period allowed the boy to ensure that his suitor was not merely interested in him for sexual purposes, but felt a genuine emotional affection for him and was interested in assuming the mentor role assigned to him in the pederastic paradigm.[citation needed]

The age limit for pederasty in ancient Greece seems to encompass, at the minimum end, boys of twelve years of age. To love a boy below the age of twelve was considered inappropriate, but no evidence exists of any legal penalties attached to this sort of practice. Traditionally, a pederastic relationship could continue until the widespread growth of the boy's body hair, when he is considered a man. Thus, the age limit for the younger member of a pederastic relationship seems to have extended from 12 to about 17 years of age.

        I have a few questions ,insights  concerning the above Greek ways
                 1. What happened to the youth at age 17 ?, as from my experience I was highly Femininized after my sexual girly-                                boyfriend role with my two friends, and though stopped due only to social pressure. Did they themselves then take
                     female wife, a younger fem-boy, I tried taking girl-friend and wife, that wasn't right, and no-way have I ever had desire
                     to be in the Male role with another Male, It was difficult enough trying to be in Male role with a female, and by                          early 1990's , I knew I needed to be in the Fem-male role for men.
                                  "All I could think of was , I wanted to be sexually like I was for my two boyfriends at age 13 "
                  2. If say my young male gym teacher did select me, and I consented to be his fem-boy, according to tradition
                     above ...his role would have to be Str8 top male only, least from my experinice (no kissing making out, he not                          touching my penis, showing any signs of being homosexual himself)

                          When I identified myself to a man after 1998 that I wished to have sex with it was as this;

    " I am Fem-male, that seeks straight top males, whom have never been in my role "

                          Then if they agreed to meet me;
                          I'd tell them if we seem to like each other, I give them a hand-job, or maybe a blow-job.
                          If that encounter went well, then they could call me when they wished for same
                         Usually by our third meeting, I ask him if he'd like to penetrate me anally and ejaculate up inside me.
                         Not always, yet a good part of the time they'd " penetrate me ", like it, then that would be the routine.

                                   -My Men and I never kissed,made out as portrayed with gay male relationships-

                     This was, is very important factor, as if a male showed interest in touching my penis,desire to fellatio me,
                                                                     wanting to kiss ,make-out thing
                                             any sign that his " role " with me wasn't 100% heterosexual male,

                                                      I had to tell them that I am the " wrong person " for them.

                                                         My role was very much prostitutional like, yet not for money!
              A key factor here is; " My Men clearly knew I was Transgender, wanted to be Lady-like, and they were helping me
                                                    feel lady-like !...…….that was my payment!, so it was a very mutual exchange!


  For example; Say in our modern society there was a "berdache" (female-roled-male ) tradition.
  Thus everybody is aware of it, Once I entered puberty, my sexually was very clearly known
  within my "tribe" ,school etc. as Female roled, thus I could be mentored in the role
  ♦  There could be a ethics established, like what age group males I could have sex with.
  ♦  I could be educated on such things as " preparing to be penetrated anally " safely and cleanly.
  ♦  How to perform fellatio
  ♦  A issue today clearly is the Age thing, a male over 18 now and in 1975 would of been breaking law,
  Yet for myself,I was clearly ready for a very attractive male gym teacher to sexually take me in my female  roled, and very much wished him to.
  Thus I could envision a select set of of 16 year old straight boys, I could date. they themselves instructed  how to have sex with boys like me. Thus by 14 years old I'd safely been instructed, socialized, the 16  years ,now 17 they could no longer have sex with me again til I was 18, they now being 21.
  All the boys are educated in how to be a straight male or a Fem-male like myself, Thus at 14, I can select  those I wish to have sex with within age group 13-16, with mutual consent
  Once I reach 18, no one below my age can I have sex with, yet now I can start having sex with any males  older then 18. (just a concept)
  And I realize how real it could of been that " I might of actually been performing fellatio on,and allowing  my young gym teacher to bone me, all he would of had to do was ask !,
  Even today I still fantasize of performing fellatio on him!
  I was clearly attracted to older males, more adult size cock I wanted after having sex with my 16-18?  friend(I never knew actually)he just always told me; "oh I'm about 16 "
  All the while Guided by a Very trained School Counselor 13-18
  "Very Good School Counelors needed"
  I believe the whole School counselor System needs very much looked at and evolved
  "  To help students develop the academic and social skills needed to succeed." 


  The best Role for myself once older, having gone though the "prostitutional" like stage,
  would be to join with a traditional married heterosexual couple to live with as a form of;
  " Fem-male / Au pair "
  Thus being part of the family , sexually pleasuring the male, yet being very close to the female as helper.
  reason my idea for writing "Terrace"
  In Terrace we all love each other, William in a very altruistic way/allows me or gives me sex, Jodi and I have  Platonic non sexual         love.
                           Au pair / wikipedia

In my writing "Terrace"  , Jodi and I meet originally at a life drawing class I routinely pose for,then I pose for her privately at her home

                                        Once her, and William get married, then I get the vulvoplasty surgery, which in away is a;

                                        symbolic commitment to total emasculation, and dedication to both of them as part of the family,

                                                                               To love and honor, serve in my Role

                                       I kinda think best way or accurate way to define my condition is "psychological female eunuch"

                                                                 or how I always wanted to be since childhood


                    -Dr Havelock Ellis wrote of roles of "female roled males"- sexual inversion, transgender, in video below-

The eunuchs or hijras have been an integral part of Indian society since time immemorial.[1] Eunuchs were prized as guards of harems, and as companions, by kings and emperors.

" berdaches served a communal purpose, for instance, as sex servants for young braves who would otherwise                                       violate the marriageable girls of the community. All in all, the berdaches in these early settings served                                                   demographic, prostitutional, and economic functions that maintained hierarchy. 


  This scenario concerns me in real sense, in that I married had children, even though in my heart I was a fem-male,yet was trying to     be a "REAL Man",for "Societal approval", yet could not suppress my desire to be a Female roled male for a " Real Man ", thus           asked my wife to cuckold me, knowing she needed a real man. My wife did find a Man , and I would have stayed in the family group    if my wife allowed me to take the fem-male role, having my own room in house, and routinely sexually pleasuring her new husband

  if they both had asked me to stay and in a effeminate-eunuch role, and likely would of had surgery to be castrated.

                                                  Imagine your a Male(Me) with a family,  female partner(Jodi) and a child

                                                                Living some where in North America Savanna

                                                          You's live partly by hunting,partly by growing maze(corn)

                                                  You the Male have been out hunting, upon returning to your family,

                                                          eager to introduce them to a wolf pup that you had found,

                                                        You find your Jodi tending to/caring for a badly injuried male (New).

                                                              As like the Wolf, a New possible member of your pack

                                                                                      has entered your Lives !, 

                                                              It takes months for this new male to recover from his injuries

                                                                        Me has to hunt still,now feeding another as well,

                          Hunting Alone is already difficult compared to when Jodi could help with the hunt, before the child was born.

                                            During this Healing time for  New  ,both me and Jodi have become fond of New,

                                  He helps out best he can, shares knowledge,skills and After New is well enough to go on hunt with Me,

                                              me sees New is a very good hunter, and together Me and New can hunt larger animals,

                                                        As the Wolf pup grows, it soon is clear,the Wolf can help protect Jodi and child, 

                                                                while Me and New hunt, this is a Good thing ! for the pack.

                                                                              Soon love and empathy grow amongst all,

                      Me will often see New from a distance alone masturbating, and at times seeing New would get a erection,

                                                                                  while they all bathed in the river.

                                                          Me knows there must be other females in distant places, yet where ?

                                                        Me has very much noticed the  coquettishness between New and Jodi,

                                                              The Thought of his Jodi and New having sex now enters his mind.

                                                              This Thought occurs more and more , cognitive dissonance sets in !

                                                            Me cares for both deeply, Me can't hate, want to harm either, even if ;

                                                                    "New and Jodi had already had sex without his knowing "

                                        Me has only one choice, tell both New and Jodi about these thoughts he has been having ,

                                                          Upon telling of, the " Idea" Me has been having, to Jodi and New together, 


                                                            Jodi and New both  <b>Reluctantly confess, knowing it may harm Me;</b>

                                                              Both admit they are very attracted to each other sexually.

                                            Me sees one choice, see the pack destroyed, or submit to suggesting ;

                                                                    That Jodi and New start mating, endorsing it ! 

                                              Un-Aware to them all , just introducing Genetic Diversity to Humanity,

                      For myself, obviously being pre-disposed to submitting to another male treat me like a female,

                                                                        when 13 years old,finding I liked it alot !

                                                              Thus once knowing / seeing Jodi and New mating,

                                        Me likes seeing New's erect penis in Jodi, likes watching as New ejaculates in Jodi,

                                    Me and New go out on a hunt together the following day, both under the influence of, 

                                    the events that just occurred, both content, upon resting, they sit and talk of this,


                                            New event, Both admit it was very Good, Me reluctantly confesses he liked seeing New's,


                                                Erect penis , then Me goes on to tell New about the sexual experince which he had,

                                          as a youth, how he had routinely sucked another young males penis, and how that male,

                                                                            had routinely impregnated himself anally,

                                                            As they talked ,both New and Me found themselves both growing erect, 

                                                                    New asks Me,  " Would you like to suck my penis now ? ",

                                                  Me replies ;  " Yes ! ", and within moments Me is on his knees in front of New,

                                                Me takes New's penis into his mouth, sucks it tell New ejaculates into Me's mouth.

                                                                              The Roles just changed !, and very much Set !

                                            Me just ultimately submitted, New is the new Alpha Male.

                                            Because the strong bond / love of Jodi,New,Me. the need to keep this pack together,

                                                Because Me had given great empathy to New, in allowing New to mate with Jodi,

                        New now routinely pleasures Me sexually by allowing Me to perform fellatio on him. and by penetrating Me,


                                                                                    anally and ejaculating in Me's bottom.

                              Thus everybody's needs in the pack are met, as Me can no longer mate with Jodi. this is known to all. 

                                                                                Thus Me now takes a Female like Role




      After in reality experincing 2 long relationships with females , and  being a " Cuckold ". I spent much time wondering " Why ? ",

                                                                                        This best explains how I feel

                                                                                                                                                        - ME, Michael Emery  7/27/2019

            I can relate to person portrayed in video above, in wanting to be very Feminine, feeling need to be, feeling very good being;

                                                                                         "very Feminine"


                                  What a Set-back for " Transgemder ", Obama's, and Law-makers lack of " Thought "