MichaelEmeryArt

12/22/2019 Never Wanting to be like a Man

                      Yet how can I know what a real man feels like, or real lady feels like, 

                                                       when I myself am a Fem-male trans type ?

                         " I've always wanted to be like the girls, and never can I remember desiring to look like, be like a man "


                        This Topic of Not desiring to sexually be in the male role, with a female has been source of great distress,

                        really beginning after becoming married, realizing no matter how much I tried , I stilled wanted to be in the

                        Female role sexually for a Man.

By early 1980's I was buying Pleasure magazine, the dynamics of this type portraying of man and woman having sex, seeing it in

this context, I fully realized " I wanted to be the Females in these photos " I had no desire to be the man.


                                      " I wanted so Much to be in these girl's Role, having a heterosexual man boning me "

I am not sure when I fully realized that I was in no way Attracted to Ladies in the way a Real Man is, yet I knew I was;

                                                                     not attracted to   ladies in a sexual way.

                  I bought a copy of blueboy magazine in mid 1980's, and quickly realized these are not my type of men, 

                  I also realized I needed to appear as Feminine as possible, in order to convey how psychologically feminine I am.

                  I also needed to make it clear that I only wanted to be with heterosexual men, because I felt lady like inside, gay men

                  where to much like me, in that I wanted cock, yet I wanted the kinda cock that Ladies wanted. I didn't want to be like

                  gay men, I wanted to be like a Real Lady. This is when I realized I was transsexual / transgender type person.


                  And from my research it seems those whom refer to selves as third-gender, hold this same common desire " be with non-                     homosexual men ", I think in large part, due to fact that I see my self as much, much more Female like psychologically.

                  Thus as a normal heterosexual female wish not a homosexual male, yet wants a normal heterosexual Man. 

                                                         - Thus the type Man I desire to mate with needs be Heterosexual. -

From my perspective   I think for me to try to be like a real Man,  was very much trying to conform to social standards.

In the study of transsexualism, the essentialist idea of a feminine essence refers to the proposal that male-to-female transsexuals are females trapped in male bodies. This idea has been interpreted in many senses, as a female mind, spirit, soul, personality, etc., as well as in more literal senses such as having a female brain structure; it is also a psychological narrative, that is, a self-description of how some transsexuals see themselves.


According to sexologist J. Michael Bailey and Kiira Triea, "the predominant cultural understanding of male-to-female transsexualism is that all male-to-female (MtF) transsexuals are, essentially, women trapped in men's bodies." They reject the idea, claiming that "The persistence of the predominant cultural understanding, while explicable, is damaging to science and to many transsexuals."[1] According to sexologist Ray Blanchard, "Transsexuals seized upon this phrase as the only language available for explaining their predicament to themselves and for communicating their feelings to others. The great majority of patients understand full well that this is a façon de parler, not a literal statement of fact, and are not delusional in any normal sense of the word."[2]

In response to the following;



According to Blanchard, most homosexual transsexuals describe themselves as having been very feminine from a young age.[23] Lawrence argues that homosexual transsexuals are motivated by being very feminine in both behavior and appearance, and by a desire to romantically and sexually attract (ideally very masculine) men, while autogynephilic transsexuals are motivated by their sexual desire and romantic love for being women.[35] Lawrence also states that homosexual transsexuals who seek sex reassignment pass easily as women.


                        I personally only know for sure that being 100% in the Female role for a Man that is heterosexual,

                        is only Role I have been in that feels completely right, correct, free of cognitive dissonance.

                        I for sure know , to more Feminine I feel, the better I feel, to try to feel masculine, to try to be in

                        the Role of a Man causes great cognitive dissonance, sadness, as though completely out of 

                        charactor for my self-concept, my self-concept being Feminine, and desire to be sexually female.


                        The question that I can't answer is ; Not if , I orginally desired to be girly like for a boy, as this is true, 

                                                                                 Yet did by getting penetrated and impregnated with semen, 

                                                                                 So fully emasculate me, that I simple Need to Only be in the Female role ?

                                                                                  Kinda like a Curse , a Curse though I love , So much love, even thinking of

                                                                                  trying, desiring to be a Man no longer exists.


     I do believe our bodies are very limited to directing, what we think and do, I might have a penis, yet that doesn't define who I am.

I do know I would buy Gallery magazine every month, because I dreamed of looking like the ladies, not because I dreamed of having sex with a lady like them.  And because the Girl Next Door part, made it more real.

I actual caught myself thinking today " if I were a Man I'd go out with this Fem"

    Am I transsexual or a effeminate gay man?

 A comment at Quora, I can relate to

This one is a little hard to answer. It is a question only you can answer. I have been thinking on this for some time, so here is how I would explain it. FYI: I know you said you think you are gay but I am writing this in a more general case for everyone.

You need to sit back and imagine yourself 10 years in the future if you stay a guy. What job would you have? Would you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or family? Where would you be living? Not just where do you want to be but what is the most likely scenario. You need to close your eyes and mentally walk through this life in your mind like a movie. You walk in the door from a long day at work and what do you do? Who do you see? The next day you go into work and you talk with your coworkers. Really try to imagine the details and having a conversation.

Now sit back and imagine yourself 10 years in the future if you were a girl. What job would you have? Would you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or family? Where would you be living? Not just where do you want to be but what is the most likely scenario. You need to close your eyes and mentally walk through this life in your mind like a movie. You walk in the door from a long day at work and what do you do? Who do you see? The next day you go into work and you talk with your coworkers. Really try to imagine the details and having a conversation.

What would it be like walking down the street as a guy vs a girl? What would it be like to talk and socialize? Would you be happy?

You don't need to be macho or like sports to be a guy. You just need to like being a guy.

In my case I never got along well as a guy. I didn't really understand the way guys think, act or speak. I could relate to how women think and interact though. I looked at myself in the mirror and it just felt wrong. I couldn't explain it, it just did. When I tried to think of my future as a guy I wasn't really able to think of how it might come out positive. It just looked like it was going to be the same mindless and confused life with nowhere to go and no goals I cared about reaching. At least when I thought of myself from the perspective of a woman I could imagine where I might want to go and what I my want to accomplish with my career and my life.

For some people it takes time to sort this stuff out. Only you can do that and its perfectly normal to wonder or have doubts. You may be wonderfully happy as a gay man, many are. The road to transition is a longer and harder one and I would not wish it on anyone but those that see no other option. If you can live a satisfying life as a guy then by all means do. When I say that I don't mean get by or survive but I mean be happy. But if it becomes a torture that you can't stand then there is still another option with hope and a light at the end of the tunnel.

No matter if you are gay or transgender it is a very hard process. We get brainwashed by the society around us and accepting ourselves for whatever we are is often the hardest step in the world. It is this first hurdle you are facing now and only you can figure this out. You might want to see about an LGBT counselor or therapist to help you work through this. If there is a local LGBT support center in your city or a nearby city they can often provide some help for free or very low cost. Just Google your city name and LGBT support and you should find something.

          There is no separation between orientation and gender:

                          " to desire to be penetrated makes a male into a woman, in this context "

                                        

Metaphorically speaking the statement above is my belief ,in that by taking the role not to be male, and very much prefer to have a 

true Man treat me like I am similar to female by penetrating me anally, ejaculating up in me, which metaphorically to me, he has bred me once the encounter is complete. I 100% completely played the part as a female for a Man , and I don't think a true Male want to be in the role I wish to be in, Thus in this regard I never thought like a real man, thus my desire is not to be a real man, thus can't think like a real man thinks.   I believe here is where The third-gender title fits me, in that I can't truly know how a true female or a true male actually see the world sexually or emotionally, thus for myself , to be a Female roled male, who wishs to be penetrated by true males, I am like a third gender psychologically

  
              I also believe once I did take the " Female role " for men, and especially once routinely getting penetrated,
              for myself it was so,so   feminizing , and so right for myself, I can't imagine wanting to be in male role.

                           Like in the " image below " a friend is boning me, I don't think most Men love getting boned

Sexually, there is no better feeling,for me then having a man thrusting in and out of me, and surrendering to recieve his ejaculation into me

In my refractory period / post orgasm

For myself , I quickly felt the contrast of having sex with females verse having sex with men in my   " female role " , with females there was always the shame / just not well being feeling, verse with men, all was great, I felt that the role I had played was exactly right for me, with no doubt, I very much want to do this again, no real loss of interest, other then a mild decrease in intensity, yet compared to being in male role, I had no need to be concerned about getting a erection. The little bit of time , after a man had made me climax while boning me, that it took to just relax a few minutes, get a wash cloth,clean us both up, I was ready to get boned again, and start sucking. So in Essence , the Refractory period,after sex with women was always unpleasant for me, verse with men, there is simply a short time were sex drive is reduced, yet emotional I feel very good, and ready to to get boned again, or start sucking again  within minutes .           Thus being "female roled " is right for my emotional well being - me


 "   I no longer experienced the  Postcoital Dysphoria (PCD , depression once I finally started being in my " female-role " for men "


                         - And for myself nothing seems more correct or true or right then being in the female sexual role -


Postcoital Dysphoria

Men experience Postcoital Dysphoria (a wave of negative emotions after sex) at rates comparable to women, according to new research from Queensland University of Technology (QUT).


Studies of PCD in women have shown that up to 46.2% of women have experienced PCD in their lifetime.

In one female study the feeling of PCD was described as "feeling hollow", "homesickness", or a "yearning for something that was missing".

However before the QUT study no prevalence studies for men had been conducted. The researchers state in the paper that PCD in men may not have been studied a great deal so far because it contradicts "dominant cultural assumptions about the male experience [of] sexual activity and of the resolution phase".


Some studies have even proposed the evolutionary benefits of PCD relating to securing long-term relationships for women and short-term relationships for men.

However, Schweitzer dismisses the claim that PCD is beneficial in evolutionary terms.


"From an evolutionary point of view, this is what makes it [PCD] so interesting, because it doesn't make any sense. Evolutionary theory would want to propagate any activity which is going to propagate the species rather than result in avoidance."


Instead, Schweitzer believes that PCD is the result of multiple factors of psychological experience, including how we emotionally attach to others.


"I think in psychology, when we talk about emotional distress, these are the feelings that we're talking about, and these are the feelings being captured by Postcoital Dysphoria," she said.

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1-9-2020


  I personally believe the Male post-orgasm Refractory emotions ;

                                                                                can be seen as a type of Cognitive-Dissonance


Under ideal circumstances, the chemical releases follow a predictable and pleasant cycle from arousal to climax to afterglow.  Ideally, you get a shot of pair bonding chemicals after sex that keeps you interested in your partner.  If you get that shot of chemicals and you don't actually like your partner, the cognitive dissonance between intimacy and mistrust can cause guilt, shame and depression to overwhelm those happy chemicals.

  Or maybe you are in the wrong relationship.


excerpt from  ;

The refractory period is usually defined as a phase following orgasm during which additional orgasms are impossible. Sexual arousal is often said to be very difficult during this time as well. The refractory period is usually discussed in relation to men; women are often said to have no such period, and this difference has been used to explain why women are more likely than men to have multiple orgasms. 

This narrative—while extraordinarily popular and pervasive in human sexuality textbooks and websites—might be incorrect, though. The truth of the matter is that we don’t actually know all that much about the refractory period—it’s a “shortcoming” in the sexuality literature, so to speak.

The standard refractory period narrative is one that comes from the pioneering research of William Masters and Virginia Johnson in the 1960s. However, in looking back at their work, it is apparent that their description of this phenomenon should be taken with a grain of salt. For example, in a recent review paper on the subject of the refractory period, Dr. Roy Levin observed the following: 

“It is interesting to note that Masters and Johnson, working in a period before evidence-based medicine, never published any experimental data or evidence to support the concept of the PERT [post-ejaculation refractory time] in men..Their statements that it occurred would now be designated as authority-based.” [1]

In other words, it’s time for us to revisit what we think we know about the refractory period. It’s possible that Masters and Johnson got it wrong. For one thing, perhaps the circumstances under which they observed human sexual behavior weren’t conducive to quantifying the male refractory period or studying male multiple orgasms. 

 However, given that there’s so little research on this subject, we can’t really say how common any of these experiences are. Generally speaking, we just don’t know what percentage of men have non-existent or very short refractory periods. We also don’t know what percentage have long ones (I’ve certainly also heard from men whose refractory period might be better described in terms of days rather than seconds or minutes).
 

· Multiple men have told me that they usually only have one orgasm—but under certain highly exciting conditions (such as having a new and extremely attractive partner or being part of a group sex situation), they don’t have a refractory period. They can stay aroused and have multiple orgasms in a short period of time in those situations. 

· Some men have also told me that they can pretty much always have multiple orgasms, but they decide in the moment how many they want to have based on situational or other factors (like how much time they have, how tired they are, what their partner wants, etc.). - lehmiller.com

 Personally I have been.
with quite few men whom can bone me, cum in me several times before they are done with me, or I might give them a blow-job, cum in my mouth,at lunch, then then in evening when we have time for them to bone me, cum in my bottom twice,some times .-me

                       And it doesn't matter for me, as long as I can keep my bottom clean,ready to be penetrated, lubed well, and can
                       normally keep getting boned til, need to rest, douche my bottom etc. then ready again.

                                    The following Statement is true for most aspects of Human psychology and sexuality;

And that's where the real problem lies: Male orgasms are rarely studied, and when they are studied, they’re typically only examined on a superficial level. Until this changes, men’s sexual functions will remain something of a guessing game.- splinternews.com

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I've always wanted to look like this for a man

                                      I don't think most men dream of having a female like " vulva ", more likely a bigger penis

I bought and read Nancy Friday's " My Secret Garden " female sexual fantasies and " Men in Love " male sexual fantasies, back in mid 1980's , I very much think more like a female in this regard, the male sexual fantasies I could not relate well to.

Yet my fantasies always include my having sex with men, sometimes females watching, I prove to them I am a fem-male type theme.


Yet then again I was always reading my mom's romance novels after puberty, and dreaming of men treating me like a lady.



                      While in woods, I often might have fantasy of being bred by a Satyr / Faun as images below depict



Faun and Nymph Pal Szinyei-Merse - Date unknown
Satyromania – Mark Blanton

                                                                      And symbolicaly I see myself as Female like

After All they made sculptors to represent the Fem-male

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                     Especially after starting to pose nude for Art classes, I realized that I wasn't sexually interested in women at all

just always wanted to to be like a girl

         Nude modeling has always given me a mode or way of helping me express how female like I want to be, my strong desire to be          like a girl .

                                                                        I simply have always wanted to be like a " Girl "