" Being -Part- of group whom all have a common interest "
" Being able to be in a " Role " well suited for me "
Since 1997, when I started posing nude for Life Drawing classes the passion for posing has grown , evolved . I think taking part in a creative, meditative process with others, helping them improve their ability , is a great thing for myself. I also have come to greatly appreciate the beauty of the Pose it's self, by others, as well as poses I create, I study in my mind, " Why does one pose seem so pleasing, while another does not " etc.
Once I started posing I found , I was very comfortable, in a sense it was very liberating for my reserved type personality, and I found a group of people whom accepted me in this role, made me feel needed as a important element of their Artistic life.
I believe the ability to draw, and draw well, is based on the ability to overcome one's own preconceived notions, to see reality as reality is, to pay Attention, be focused on the task at hand, and unhindered by social dogma,norms. To be able to enter into the type of of meditation state (engaging the right hemisphere of brain) required to see in a Big Picture view, to not assume, but see as is, thus for myself to pose, I need to pose as I am, and that is as a Transfeminine type person, as it is a reality, whether or not society accepts or not is beyond my control, yet from my research Transfeminie type people are as important to, and have been a part of humanity since to beginning, simply a minority.
Though at time I didn't think posing was a conscious way of dealing with my femininity or need to feel feminine, I soon found out it
helped me confront the issue, help me gain the courage to finally accept that my sexual orientation is " female roled "
Now, due to fact that I have accepted myself as a Transfeminine person, I only like to pose in the manner which reflects that
I made the following " poster" up in 2000, in hopes of meeting some groups, people men or women , where I could more opening convey myself as a " Fem-male ". I guess was really starting to feel a great need to be known a " Female roled male "
At least convey that my sexual orientation was " Female role ", and had need to be " Feminine ". Yet at same time, not just trying to
get a Date !, more so just trying to show that I wished / needed to be " Female roled "
" Hoping some one Might see this in me, a suggest I pose as " Fem-male " as the poses depict here on these web pages "
Now the heading on this above poster would say " Transfeminine Model " instead of " Male model ";
as I now don't see myself as male or female, yet as Third-gender, a division between male/female.
The videos below I made downloadable for free at vimeo
The below videos are at archive.org.; free to download
When I was posing, in my mind, I very much was trying to pose in " Female Style "
How I always wished I looked
All my years of posing I should been calling myself ,not a male model, but a Third-gender, transfeminine model
For long as I can remember , I've want to be like the Catwalk/runway models
A Transfeminine Cat Walk fashion show Model
Now, having accepted I am 100% female roled male, I think it would very helpful to society to understanding the variations of third-gender. the understanding that many might desire gender comfirmation surgery, yet for many reasons, surgery isn't a option. And even though I've always dreamed of having a vagina, and not a penis, it isn't a option.
I thought this a great idea ↑
Early 2000's poses
I guess in reality , I've always felt I should be a lot more female like then male like in many ways, thus I was drawn to the posing for art classes, in this context, which allowed me to express my femininity,,,and I was accepted by artists in my role as such, being part of a group with common interest of life drawing.
Some of my very early class experinces
I talk a little in video