10/4/2019 "An automatic behavior in animals is instinct "
"Notwithstanding the personality gulf between men and women, the sex urge is sufficient to insure their coming together for the reproduction of the species. This instinct operated effectively long before humans experienced much of what was later called love, devotion, and marital loyalty. Mating is an innate propensity, and marriage is its evolutionary social repercussion." - bigbluebook.org
For myself, I think I feel similar to a biological female in term of a desire to bred with a male.
- Look back. I'd go through the same type of selection process, dating him,seeing what he was like,
how did he treat me prior to me submitting to him sexually in any way, at every stage being aware.
For example, no matter how I met a man for first time, we talk, if all was well, I'd ask him if I could
play with his cock, agreeing, he'd offer get it out, usually be already nearly or fully erect, I stroke him,talk,
again if all seemed well,I'd either know where I wanted to take his cock in my mouth or not, if did,this was
wonderful, if not I either gave him a hand-job, or told him this wasn't going to work, and departed company.
But at all times, my objective was seeing if he was fit,
-To get his cock up in me, so I could get his semen in me-
I was very,very aware of this desire to be " Bred "
I had no desire for my own physical pleasure,
It normally felt very good, once I had a man's cock up in me,
especially if he was "doing the work", taking his time, so I could simply relax
enjoy how he felt up in me as he " bred me "
Once I knew he was ejaculating in me, and had
For me, it is one of the most wonderful psychological feeling I know of, have ever experienced
So many accounts of the Berdache male appear regarding;
early European's , encounters with the Native American peoples.
♦ A question that often comes to my mind is ; The berdache tradition in North America was as varied as it was extensive, although it was usually practiced strictly by males. Out of the over 150 tribes known to have sanctioned the tradition, only 30 groups - most of whom resided west of the Rocky Mountains - reported the presence of female berdaches.
♦ I my self was likely predisposed effeminate, in that I liked being with females more socially, liked female type activities more so.
♦ Was it like the term “curiosity killed the cat”, in away, in a domino effect way, by circumstance, that is by witnessing my mother being penetrated sexually,performing fellatio at age 6-7, then soon performing fellatio on youths near my age,was it a mimicking behavior/ out of curiosity ?, yet by liking it, knowing that's what my mother was doing, it was ok to do.
(In 1960, Robert W. White extended Freud's genital stage to not only include instinctual needs but effectance. His stage extension included one beginning to decide what role one will play in society and dating for social and sexual satisfaction. ) I very much wanted my mothers role.
I do remember liking to do it, so now was I pre-conditioned to be a good candidate to be for Berdache type role ? (This means that a man could adopt the social role of a woman and vice versa. In the Berdache tradition, this was almost always a permanent change.). or was it simply that I was born with psychology to be like a female sexually ?
♦ I do know as soon as puberty set , I had been already been autofellating (sucking my own penis and swallowing my semen).
♦ Thus when a class mate asked me to perform fellatio himself, I already knew I liked doing it, when I first seen him in showers at school nude, I was very much desiring to , (later he would tell me, he could tell by the way I looked at him , he knew I wanted his cock)
♦ I really was ready, as though by conditioning, to start performing fellatio on him. thus it wasn't very difficult for him to get me to do so.
♦ And once I was routinely performing fellatio on him, it was very easy for him to then start penetrating me anally, which I then very much preferred, and wanted passionately there after,if at all possible.Adding to my girly-boyfriend role for them,
they very much reinforced the idea to me that I was a full fledged " girly-boyfriend" now by taking their semen up in my bottom, that I was mean't to be a "girly-boy ", that I would now always want men to penetrate me in my bottom,like I was a girl. They would tell me often , that I should of been a girl, cause I loved getting penetrated so much, (which I did).
(As one of the causes of homosexuality, Freud mentions the distressing heterosexual experience: "Those cases are of particular interest in which the libido changes over to an inverted sexual object after a distressing experience with a normal one.") yet for myself I lost my viginity by boys penetrating me anally,not until 18 would I have sex with a female
(Freud believed that homosexuals could seldom be convinced that sex with someone of the opposite sex would provide them with the same pleasure they derived from sex with someone of the same sex. Patients often had only superficial reasons to want to become heterosexual, pursuing treatment due to social disapproval, which was not a strong enough motive for change. Some patients might have no real desire to become heterosexual, seeking treatment only so that they could convince themselves that they had done everything possible to change, leaving them free to return to homosexuality afterwards.) and social shaming did stop me, yet did change me! ,For myself the pleasure of being penetrated anally is so psychologically more "right", in that nothing compares, it is the only Role I want,,100%,there is now way I could ever be heterosexual again
♦ And again it was easy for him to introduce his friend to me , whom I took the same role with.
♦ I am certain, if it were not for being discover and shamed, say if the berdache tradition was part of society, I could of very easily been a berdache for many males at that time.
♦ And very well maintained a single "female role male" role, sexually serving heterosexual males, married,single, 18 to 80, might say, thus the Berdache tradition in my context.
- Though not until 23 years later would I become 100% fully ensculated as a "Female-roled-male"-
Then it was very,very easy for the " Right Man " to spot me, as I was ripe for the taking!
23 years of waiting and wanting, I was very much in " HEAT "
And once he offered to mate with me like I was a Lady, I proved to him I could be lady-like.
In the above image, this is me serving one of my many Men sexual, on a lunch break,
He is giving me a quick fucking, was there about 15 minutes, that day ,because I took day off, due to fact I was very horny,
I was able to get fucked by 8 different men through course of day.
This one reason I concieved " Indigo club " idea, I knew I liked getting fuck a lot, I knew I could,
in reality handle it, and very much wanted to be, even today I loved to get fucked by as many guys a day as I could, if safe etc.
as outlined in " Indigo club "
In human women, the nesting instinct often occurs around the fifth month of pregnancy, but can start as early as a couple of weeks [non-tertiary source needed] and can occur as late as the eighth month, or not at all.  It may be strongest just before the onset of labor
The Coolidge effect is a biological phenomenon seen in animals, whereby males exhibit renewed sexual interest whenever a new female is introduced to have sex with, even after cessation of sex with prior but still available sexual partners
… an old joke about Calvin Coolidge when he was President … The President and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown [separately] around an experimental government farm. When [Mrs. Coolidge] came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each day." Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to the President when he comes by." Upon being told, the President asked, "Same hen every time?" The reply was, "Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time." President: "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."
A berdache man is in essense neutered male?
( in context of ; no longer available to breed with females)
Due the fact I lost my virginity as a passive berdache type, by being anally penetrated and taking other males semen into me , I have always felt this , to a high degree psychologically " neutered " me
The berdaches are similar to the women in figure, minus the perky breasts. They also all have the same manly face, probably to indicate their unattractiveness as well as their contrast to the women. Because they are participating in hard labor in the etchings, and are working for women, it is significant that the Spanish would have seen these men in a very inferior way which is reflected in their appearance and applies to the theory that they are the passive partner in sexual relationships.
The early American berdache played a role in the "otherness" experienced by the Spaniards during their conquest. The berdaches are strong and subordinate; they are masculine and feminine; and they are Old World and New World. These contrasts are present in their appearance in the etchings and are acted upon by the Spaniards. S/he was misunderstood and punished for the role s/he played in the alternate culture. In the context of the native community, the berdache was an important figure who was very clearly gendered by her or his society. This gendering process supports queer theorists argument that gender and sexuality are socially constructed. By analyzing the berdache with queer theory, the misconceptions of the Spaniards and the persecution of this particular group as "sodomites", becomes valuable in defining where specified roles of gender and sexuality are really established.
In the etchings above, "Bringing in Wild Animals, Fish and Other Stores" (figure 2), and "Hermaphrodites as Laborers" (figure 3), de Bry portrays the role of the hermaphrodite as a beast of burden. These people appear to be responsible for carrying the ill and dead on stretchers from the battlefield, and marching in line almost as slaves carrying food for the native women. Their roles as laborers in these contexts may not be far from the truth of their position in society. They were noted to have been responsible for women's functions in the maintenance of the household, but because of their physical strength as biological males, it would not be hard to assume that they did participate in hard labor.
In the etching, "Hermaphrodites as Laborers" (figure 3), these transgendered people are seen with the sick and the dying. In this context, the role of the berdache in the religious realm as well as the realm of women could support the image of them assisting in aiding warriors with injuries, as well as preparing them for religious ceremonies upon their death
For myself , being a berdache is not about " Is it right or wrong, good or bad ";
it is how I evolved to be!, and is real
And through out history of humans it has been Real, doesn't matter for the individual who already is a berdache,gay,etc.
that likely can't be changed , if wanted to be, yet I love being a berdache type
The Traumatic Foundation of Male Homosexuality
Homosexuality is, in my view, primarily a symptom of gender trauma. Although some people may have been born with biological conditions (prenatal hormonal influences, inborn emotional sensitivity) that make them especially vulnerable to such trauma, what distinguishes the male homosexual condition is that there was an interruption in the normal masculine identification process.
Homosexual behavior is a symptomatic attempt to “repair” the original wound that left the boy alienated from the innate masculinity that he has failed to claim. This differentiates it from heterosexuality, which arises naturally from undisturbed gender-identity development.
The basic conflict in most homosexuality is this: the boy—usually a sensitive child, more prone than average to emotional injury—desires love and acceptance from the same-sex parent, yet feels frustration and rage against him because the parent is experienced by this particular child as unresponsive or abusive. (Note that this child may have siblings who experienced the same parent differently).
Homosexual activity will be the erotic reenactment of this love-hate relationship. Like all the “perversions”—and I use that term not to be unkind, but in the sense that homosexual development “perverts,” or “turns a person away from,” the biologically appropriate object of erotic attachment—same-sex eroticism contains an intrinsic dimension of hostility.
In the real world, a gay identity makes no sense. Only as a symptom, as an eroticized reparation for attachment loss, does homosexuality have meaning.
In the natural sex act, the human race is preserved, and the man lives on through future generations. But in the trauma-driven sex act that violates our bodily design, his generative power engenders death and annihilation. And so the wisdom of the body presents this contrast: new life vs. decay and death.- Joseph Nicolosi
What Joseph Nicolosi is failing to realize is the Human as a "tribe" thus a element of divergent is needed for the Whole to survive ,thus the berdache is a; "element of divergent" -me
or you might say Joseph Nicolosi , " Can't see the Forest due to just looking at the trees " due to his religious bias most likely-me
Most the data suggests that ; aprox. 1 in 200 men are transgender→ " 1 in a tribe ",
Yet the only statistic you’re going to be able to find only includes those that are out. There could be millions still in the closet, that you may never even hear about.
So take every answer to this question with a grain of salt!
I is very important, from this point on in human history , that we start seeing " The Forest " and quickly -me
someone I very much disagree with due to his morals,and condemning thoughts tainted by religion,yet he brings things to light to study - Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D
And religion has fully proved total disregard for " Nature's Way "
Beach's co-authored book, Patterns of Sexual Behavior, had a lasting impact on the study of sexual behavior. In particular, this work changes the way the homosexuality in humans was conceptualized. For much of history, homosexuality was considered a mental disorder. This false belief would persist throughout the 20th century, but Beach's work played an influential role in shifting perceptions about the origins of homosexuality. Beach and his co-author, Cellan S. Ford, studied sexual culture in 76 distinct cultures from around the world. They observed sexual norms such as dating rituals, frequency of intercourse, and types of foreplay. They also noted instances where homosexual behavior was considered normal in many cultures. In fact, the authors observed 49 cultures that accepted the practice of homosexuality. Since publication, Patterns of Sexual Behavior has been cited repeatedly by researchers advocating that homosexuality is a natural occurrence, not a mental disorder. In the first ten years after publication, Patterns of Sexual Behavior was cited 95 times in academic articles about human homosexuality. In the second decade after its publication, the book was cited 226 times in relation to the natural occurrence of human homosexuality. In 1973, 22 years after Beach's major publication, homosexuality was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). Beach's work played an influential role of de-stigmatizing homosexuality and bringing awareness to the role of cultural norms in what we deem as appropriate or deviant sexual behavior.
Ellis studied what today are called transgender phenomena. Together with Magnus Hirschfeld, Havelock Ellis is considered a major figure in the history of sexology to establish a new category that was separate and distinct from homosexuality. Aware of Hirschfeld's studies of transvestism, but disagreeing with his terminology, in 1913 Ellis proposed the term sexo-aesthetic inversion to describe the phenomenon. In 1920 he coined the term eonism, which he derived from the name of a historical figure, Chevalier d'Eon. Ellis explained:
On the psychic side, as I view it, the Eonist is embodying, in an extreme degree, the aesthetic attitude of imitation of, and identification with, the admired object. It is normal for a man to identify himself with the woman he loves. The Eonist carries that identification too far, stimulated by a sensitive and feminine element in himself which is associated with a rather defective virile sexuality on what may be a neurotic basis.
Ellis found eonism to be "a remarkably common anomaly", and "next in frequency to homosexuality among sexual deviations", and categorized it as "among the transitional or intermediate forms of sexuality". As in the Freudian tradition, Ellis postulated that a "too close attachment to the mother" may encourage eonism, but also considered that it "probably invokes some defective endocrine balance".
Sexual Imprinting in mate choice
I pretty much have always felt, that due to fact my parent's divorce was so traumatic at age 6, then with by chance, sexually impressionable situtations quickly occurred, seeing my mother by accident mating with a stranger(new step father), how she performed, and my very sensitive attachment to her, I choose to mimick her behavior with other male youths soon after, they liked me too, so were receptive to me performing fellatio on them this occurred few years (6-7) yet there was not sexual pleasure, more curiousity,play, mimicking. Yet once reaching puberty, sexual excitement occurring ,starting to ejaculate, and just by chance , I found I could easily auto-fellatio (suck my own penis and ejaculate /swallow my own semen). I then used this method, nearly always then as my way of masturbating til about 16-17 years old.
Being some what andrognyous looking,then a young male class mate being attracted to me at age 13 by chance, then asking me to perform fellatio on him, I found myself very much wanting to, thus did, and felt it to be very much "right " role for me, then when he told me he could really make me feel like a girl by sliding his penis up in my bottom and ejaculate, just like he had been doing in my mouth, again I very much wanted him to do that (mimick my mother's role). Once he actually did that, and I seen I could be in the role of a girl, I simply knew that way how I liked being, thus- Imprinted -
-Even though I tried to be like a real man sexually, I never wanted to be, I wanted to be like a real women sexually-
I don't recall ever not wanting to be like a Real Woman sexually
Looking back, I can't find a time in my life when I wasn't free from the urge to mate with a real man, like I was a lady sexually, and the urge grew stronger the older I got, ever though I was trying to comply with social norm, at be sexual as a man is supposed to be.
Thus a good many years living with severe depression, not knowing why ?
Luckily in 1998 a real man offered to treat me like a real women sexually, it is hard to explain, yet once he started having sex with me,like I was a lady, especially having his penis up in me ejaculating, it was so liberating from trying to be in the role of man sexually, when all along I needed to be in the role of a female sexually.
Also at this time, what occurred for myself, I call it ; " 100% or I was fully emasculated psychologically ", I knew my role was 100% female receptive role, I knew I could never be in the male role ever again. I'd always had a fringe of fantasy to have breasts and have my penis removed,(have vulvoplasty-female looking vulva). Yet now this desire was very real, not obsessive but a real want to be for a man ,and not have my -femininity- hindered by having a penis.
Yet that for myself ,I could over come by dressing in feminine ways, yet I still very much desire not to have a penis.
-Thus for myself, to have such a strong desire, at accept it, helps me embrace total emasculation, at least psychologically-
I think a Key element might be " Once actually sexually being in the Female role, I want that role so much more ,almost by instinct, verse being in the male role , almost seems forced or complying with others roles. not my true role, least for myself it isn't reversible,etc..for me to change, I'd have to want to change, never have,, simply been a life of trying to comply to other's
ideas of what should be, life don't work that way, at least in regards to sexually orientation.
I need to Know my
My need to Know my, ...Man is a Real Man
And for him to know I am psychosexually a female
As I was writing my manuscript for " Terrace ", and relating so well to the Straight female,Straight male and female-roled-male relationship, and myself only desiring male roled men. It helped me realize the importance of seeing that the man whom was letting me perform fellatio on himself and penetrating me anally and ejaculating up inside me, was preferred females, thus supported my female role, he was at least symbolically , and altruistically turning me sexually into a a female.As well as the female is altruistically allowing him to do this, and accepting me as female roled, yet not threating to her role.
I this scenario of in Terrace, Jodi and Williams relationship is of a traditional marriage,the sleep together, etc. I have a separate cottage house where my personal living quarters are, I spend most my time helping Jodi with every day chores, modeling nude for her, as she is a accomplished Artist, being her personal assistant in whatever capacity needed. I only sexually pleasure William, when ever he needs to be, and due to fact I am available for him, I perform fellatio on him often, and he bones me when able to.
As I want to be female roled sexually,yet knowing I am biological male, I need a male to be male whom
desires real females, thus I know I must take "2nd seat", allowing him to be true male with a true female.
Thus making me feel very feminine, because I have a "Real Man" whom can allow himself to see me female like enough, that he can take me as a alternative to a "Real Female ", thus by penetrating me similar to how he would a real lady, and even telling me how lady like I feel as he "impregnates" with his semen, I can at least feel lady-like, I can get the wonderful feeling his semen is in me, that he shared that with me.
I think as well I have always been a " Divergent thinking " person, creative / artistic, at least drawn to this thinking verse ;
Convergent thinking is a term coined by Joy Paul Guilford as the opposite of divergent thinking. It generally means the ability to give the "correct" answer to standard questions that do not require significant creativity, for instance in most tasks in school and on standardized multiple-choice tests for intelligence.
thus I have these traits
Divergent thinking is found among people with personality traits such as nonconformity, curiosity, willingness to take risks, and persistence.
Thus by being curious about mimicking what I had seen, (my mother performing fellatio on a man),
thus I tried performing fellatio on a male as well, and very much liked it, and want it to be my role;
at least at age 13, and after my friend mimicked on me,what my mother had been doing;
(getting boned doggy style), I very much liked that role as well, very more so even.
Though very different, as anything completely New is, being a psychosexual female person , or a Transsexual male to female person,
" Some one whom is male, yet feels female psychologically"
And spent much time being with many,many men sexually,
Wanting to " Mate ", knowing it all the while,
clearly,rationally it will not work, knowing this men can only see me for sexual pleasure,
yet still trying, still knowing they also needed a female.
Studying what can be found about the North Americian,
Stepping back, looking, maybe no one needs females and males both then the berdache,
maybe no one needs a tribe ,more then the berdache, maybe the berdache needs the group of women,children,elders,
much more then the group of men.
And in modern times having sex with many, not good idea,
very reason I became celibate, not safe for myself,my men,nore their women
Yet the berdache very much could be " part " of a "family group"
The Vietnamese adopted the eunuch system, The only man allowed in the Palace was the Emperor, the only others allowed were his women and the eunuchs since they were not able to have sexual relations with the women. The eunuchs were assigned to do work for the palace women, like massaging and applying make up to the women, preparing them for sex with the Emperor.
Eunuchs in Indian sultanates, Eunuchs were highly valued for their strength and trustworthiness, allowing them to live amongst women with fewer worries. This enabled eunuchs to serve as messengers, watchmen, attendants and guards for palaces.
the au pair is considered a part of the host family and not merely an employee. In some countries the au pair wears a uniform, but more commonly the au pair only follows the host family's dress code and wears attire appropriate for the work description, typically including a protective apron.
Au pairs can be expected to do a combination of child care and light housework duties. They are not responsible for housework that does not relate to the children’s or communal living areas that are kept tidy by all family members. An au pair's primary duties are taking care of the children and entertaining them, as well as teaching the native tongue if this is required.
An au pair's duties may include:
An au pair does not have to:
The duties of the au pair also includes following the house rules set by the host family. This includes abiding the curfew, bedtime and dress code, as well as following rules for computer and phone use. These rules may be described in a household handbook, which is provided to the au pair when moving in to the host family. The curfew and bedtime is typically assigned based on when the au pair will begin work in the following morning.
My only addition is " Sexually pleasuring the Man"
I know I longed for to be like a; Berdache / eunuch / Au pair type person for several married males I normally would sexually pleasure.
First get to know her, see if it was possible for her to accept me as a "Fem-male", like in "Terrace", and reason I wrote Terrace as after so much sex, and still alone, instead got a dog "George" and became celibate.
it is humanly possible,if her and I could form a platonic bond.
I know for sure if I could of been a Berdache / eunuch / Au pair person partnered with a married male/female couple I would of likely had the vulvoplasty surgery, thus become physically emasculated
And I personally like helping teach children, especially in ways of Nature,Art.
And clearly the basic family unit is in need of help,to move into the future.
And the purpose of Mating is to→ Move Ahead
Adopt a (beta) berdache/eunuch trained au pair
Observe in this connection that on the physiological level, the berdache is no less a man and certainly no weakling. On the contrary, according to chroniclers and anthropologists, he often appears as a super-man : stronger and more muscular, he is more prosperous, intelligent (“a man of genius”), generous, and gifted (in art and politics) ; without exception, he does not seem sexually impotent either. (Thus, the Navajo nadle * could take a wife and become a man once again.) Physiologically, nothing seems to have predestined him to become a woman (even though sometimes his voice “changed”, there were few signs), but despite everything he became effeminate (in the true sense of the term), at the level of comportment and attitude. These, in turn, form a part of a homogeneous and coherent set. Like heterosexuality, homosexuality is articulated in different social and cultural functions (division of labour and economic, political, martial and religious roles).
Note again that in Amerindian cultures, homosexual practices were not necessarily exclusive of heterosexual practices. The majority of men who had regular relations with the berdaches seem to have had loving relations no less regularly with partners of the opposite sex. They could be married, with several wives, and the berdache could come to occupy the position of “new spouses” (as we have already seen with the Ojibwa agokwa *). Thus, it is not a matter of occasional homosexual relations, of a “latent homosexuality” which manifested itself in a roundabout and irregular way but of habitual and frequent sexual practices. Homosexuality is less “recognized” or “admitted” than it is practiced in regulated or institutionalized ways (as when the male berdache takes the status of wife or the female berdache the status of husband) -
As we have seen, the berdache constitutes the indispensable medium for a nexus of essential social and cultural functions : sacred, religious, therapeutic, ritual, martial, political and economic. Because he is at the crossroads of all of these, the berdache is incorporated into the totality of the system