We must always remember " My way is not likely your way, as your way not likely mine ", but to survive we must get along

            " the Tribe "

Essentialism is the view that every entity has a set of attributes that are necessary to its identity and function.[1] In early Western thought, Plato's idealism held that all things have such an "essence"—an "idea" or "form".

                            The " Berdache " as Role model- 8/17/2019

The primary purpose of coining a new term (two-spirit) was to encourage the replacement of the outdated, and offensive, anthropological term berdache, which means "passive partner in sodomy, boy prostitute."[5][6][7]
                                            Yet " passive partner in sodomy, boy prostitute."

                           I think most, third-gender,transgender,transsexual whatever it is to called,

                          people, myself included, don't have a defined model / a frame work to follow.
                                                             There is no defined Role, 
     So, when I see a model like berdache that I can relate to, at least I can compare myself to a "Idea of ",
     and I have roled as " passive partner in sodomy, boy prostitute." (not for pay, yet role)

     And as a Adult , very much a " passive partner in sodomy and in a prositutional role with hundreds of men "

                                One must set aside judgement / good-bad concept (including myself )
                             As it was what it was, is what it is, thus " pre-conceptions " do little good,
                             for navigating in a territory that has " No Map ", No directions given

                              As  being "Trans" in a Society where Heteronormativity is the normal,

                                                And " Trans " is very, very much not the "normal"

                         The very reason " Trans " people need help with their Role in Society  

Though at age 13, when my 2 male friends sexually put me in the "female role", called me their "girly-boyfriend", guided me in the ways of being sexually like a girl for a man, being very eager to learn, yet at same time knowing that it wasn't what normal boys did,yet it felt very,very correct for me, yet soon found out Society doesn't accept a boy whom is called a "girly-boyfriend "

Once I started seeing men again in 1998, I'd tell the guys to call me "Fem-male friend " for most part.
Yet as I read about the berdache, I could see that I identify very closely with the traits, especially;
        ♦ Wanting the Female role sexually and just living in general
        ♦ The berdache had sex with heterosexual males, and often served many of males of the tribe, which I was doing
        ♦ That it is a defined Role, accepted by the tribe, I of course want to be accepted as a berdache type (female-roled-male)

                                Though it may sound simple, having sex with man,and wanting to be lady-like for him,
                                               takes practice, there was no guidance for me, except by the men,
                            All I could really tell them was I wanted them to have sex with me,as though I was a lady,
                                            I am passive with a man, I do want to be "told ", to suck cock by him etc.playfully

                                                                      I wanted Man to be in charge, kindly
                                                                           tell me to suck his cock,
                                               tell me he wants me to come over, so he can fuck me silly etc.

                     And at least being in the " prositutional " role with men, I formed a bond, I think most people desire.

                    A similarity I have with what I read over and over with Third-gender types, is we most often want to mate with
                    heterosexual men, due to our identifying as " female like, desire to feel female like ", a realizing the difficulty
                    of finding a heterosexual male who is willing to take you as say a " live-in partner ", especially like myself that
                    can't pass as Female. Thus I had to live a secret life, try to surpress my sexual desires of being in female role
                    for " The Heterosexual Man "

                     Thus for me , once the chance to get the Attention of a group / groups of men, at least I could belong to a group
                     of men, they could be like " My tribe " to sexually pleasure / for me to mate with. Even this wasn't getting the 
                     true Attention I desired, like a family, yet the " Tribe " could be a alternative like family, and at least get a  form of                                  Attention,  though in part I was a " sex object ", their " Femboy slut ", I even liked them to call me their Slut, at 
                     least I had a Role to play, and a name of that role, that clearly defined my status, my duties to perform.

                    I liked to think of myself as a Sexual surrogate, or alternative female especially with the young single men say;
                    18-25 age , yet all. With respect and context / content they could practice on me , as often as able, different ways
                     of experimenting, say different positions, group sex , have a girl friend watch etc.

                     All the men whom had wives, I very much welcomed her to watch how their man had sex with me, simply so she could
                     clearly see I should not be a threat to their relationship, that I was clearly a 100% femininized / female roled male.
                                  See that once a man was Done, had ejaculated, I always had a warm/soapy wash cloth, and quickly got their
                                  penis washed throughly, as STD's is big Deal, I was constantly being tested, and by luck never contracted any
                                  type of STD/ any, any I am very thankful.

                                  I always carried bottle of Listerine, and gargled / washed my mouth out after performing fellatio / swallowing a                                      man's ejaculation , which nearly always wanted to and did.

                      Looking back, I can't see where I could of taken more precautions or did better in selection of who or who I wouldn't 
                      have sex with, other then being better at the Role I was in !   " My sexual skills as a Fem-male ", "skills of                                   pleasuring a Man "... yet from 1998-2005 is only 7 years, kind of just when finding out what worked, my likes.
                      the men's likes,,I went " Celibate " and have been since, so about 15 years.

Sex Surrogate; Masters and Johnson introduced the practice in their book Human Sexual Inadequacy, published in 1970. They believed that people could learn about sexual intimacy only by experiencing it. In their research, subjects that were partnered used these partners to aid in a series of exercises designed to help overcome sexual dysfunction. Unpartnered subjects were paired with "surrogates" who would take the place of a partner, working under the direction of a trained therapist and acted as a form of mentor for the client. In their research, all of the surrogates were women who were assigned to work with single men. Today, most surrogates are women, but a few are men.[1] The practice of Surrogate Partner Therapy reached its peak in the early 1980s with a few hundred surrogate partners practicing in the U.S. Since then, Surrogate Partner Therapy's popularity declined but has recently reentered social consciousness after the 2012 film The Sessions, which depicts one surrogate partner's work with a disabled man. Currently, those practicing Surrogate Partner Therapy are still very few in number.      (I was just a Fem-male assigned to work with single or married men) -me

                      I naturally related to the following statement upon reading;
Many third and fourth gender natives had active sex lives. The Navajo nádleehí (literally, "changing one"), Kinábahí, claimed to have had sex with over one hundred different men. The Sauk and Fox held an annual dance in which a berdache, or aya'kwa, appeared surrounded by "her" lovers. Lakota winkte bestowed bawdy nicknames on the men who visited them, and warriors sometimes had sex with them before going to battle as a means of increasing their own virility.

                  Yet naturally as well that isn't going represent all individuals that identified as " berdache "

                              ♥ It's just that aspect of the role fits me very well, my personality, sex drive .

                               I feel I am a very good substitute for a true female sexually, when a substitute is needed.

                               For myself "Sexual objectification" is my purpose, in a respectable way. I never mined
                                 that my men, befriended me , employed me for sexual purposes, that's what I want !
                                                                             And don't need paid !
                                                         I see myself much more like a sex surrogate,
                                                         Some one whom heterosexual men could experiment with sexually,
                                                          learning about anal sex, how to safely penetrate a person anally.                                                                           Believe me, I will show you the right way, to bone me!

                                                                                       After all how do people Learn anything Best ?
                                                                                                    but by direct experience

There is very Much a Beauty of going to Work / being in Role, knowing exactly what you are expected to do, then knowing it's Valued

  For myself, I think I feel similar to a biological female in terms of a desire to bred with a male.

                                - Look back. I'd go through the same type of selection process, dating him,seeing what he was like,

                                  how did he treat me prior to me submitting to him sexually in any way, at every stage being aware.

                                For example, no matter how I met a man for first time, we talk, if all was well, I'd  ask him if I could

                                play with his cock, agreeing, he'd offer get it out, usually be already nearly or fully erect, I stroke him,talk,

                                again if all seemed well,I'd either know where I wanted to take his cock in my mouth or not, if did,this was

                                wonderful, if not I either gave him a hand-job, or told him this wasn't going to work, and departed company.

                                                  (lucky I was in not having encountered many men whom were " unfit "

                                                                    But at all times, my objective was seeing if he was fit,

                                                                -To get his cock up in me, so I could get his semen in me-

                                                                      I was very,very aware of this desire to be " Bred "  

                                                                          I had no desire for my own physical pleasure,

                                                                It normally felt very good, once I had a man's cock up in me,

                                                    especially if he was "doing the work", taking his time, so I could simply relax,

                                                                                                Let him take me

                                                                       and enjoy how he felt up in me as he " bred me " 

                                                                                  Once I knew he was ejaculating in me, and had,

                                          For me, it is one of the most wonderful psychological feeling I know of,and have ever experienced.

 "unfit "; I came to call this type " barbarians "an uncultured or brutish, thug, beast, uneducated person


A excerpt from ; "--and we are still here": from berdache to two-spirit people.
Author: Thomas, Wesley, 1954-; Jacobs, Sue-Ellen. Source: American Indian Culture and Research Journal v. 23 no2 (1999) p. 91-107

I relate very much to the following; As "Role " that fits me

 Furthermore, in fulfilling gender role performances, the transgender adult may be more transvestic than transgender, if his/her own gender identity is situated in a temporary category used only when fulfilling the public role.(FN37) On the other hand, a male bodied individual raised as a woman (who would be expected to dress accordingly(FN38)) will be encouraged to accommodate the full range of womanly roles, including engaging in a sexual relationship with men; one might consider this a homosexual relationship were it not in fact a heterogender relationship between a woman (who happens to be male-bodied) and a man (who is also male-bodied).(FN39) By using the concept of gender as an analytic category, we extend our understanding of human erotic and sexual bonding beyond essentialist (natural) approaches to sex acts which emphasize genital couplings, especially male-male homosexuality.(FN40) As Hawkesworth observes,. 

Like myself, If the vulvoplasty surgery was practical, I would very much like to have female like vulva, mostly for identity purpose for myself and a male sexual partner in order to convey to him my identity is female role only, and my dedication to be in that role for my partner, showing him I am 100% feminized / emasculated sexually as receptive / passive person.

Just Imagine it is 1975, no internet, homosexual/gay was bad word, and here I am performing fellatio, and taking cock up my bottom,

                                                                               and wanting it constantly.

                                             I had no role model,the boys whom where boning me loved I was easy,

                                                        and their attention I loved, so didn't wish to stop

                               " Though odd / strange, to myself ; I have a strong desire to be "bred " as though I am female"

                                      Like any person going through Life,

            maturing we need some type of Role model that fits us as a Individual,

                                    and I knew I only wanted the female role

        Yet what Role model does a Third-gender,transsexual feeling individual have ?.

                              Not until entering Alcohol rehab,spending 2 years there,

                                       having the support / environment to focus on

                                        the Roots of what was causing my addiction,

                                                    did I really discover that the

                                          Cognitive Dissonance of being, wanting to be

                                                          " A Female Roled male ",

                                                " Always wanting to be more like a girl "

                        A soon as I read about the " Berdache ", I at least knew there where,

                                                     others like / similar to myself. 

                            I personally began reading what I could find out about the traits of the 

                                          North American Native's berdache type individuals,

                                             And found the traits very similar to my own.

                              Discovering / reading "Autobiography of an Androgyne" by Jennie June

                                                                                      Helped a lot as well

"Jennie June was born into a Puritan family[1] in 1874 in Connecticut as Earl Lind. As a child, Lind asked others to call her by Jennie instead of Earl, and she spent much more time with girls than with boys. She became very shy and introverted when her parents sent her off to an all boys school and also became very depressed, considering suicide. Lind realized at a young age that she was an androgyne looking to change from male to female.[3] At the time, the term transgender was not prevalent; instead words such as "androgyne", "invert", and "fairie" were used. She struggled throughout her life up to her late twenties with her extreme desire to perform fellatio, claiming to have partaken in over sixteen hundred sexual encounters in the span of a dozen years.[4]


Until the 1990s, the word berdache was used in English-language anthropological and ethnographical literature to describe a widely divergent set of social statuses found in many Native American tribal cultures, but which have been largely incomprehensible to Eurocentric observers, who have attempted to describe berdachism as a combination of homosexuality and transvestism. In recent years, Native Americans and the people who study them have proposed the term two-spirit as a more appropriate label.
Berdache is not a Native American term. According to linguist Claude Courouve, the word derives from the Persian bardaj; via European contact with the Muslim world, the word spread by the early sixteenth century to Italian as bardasso, to Spanish as bardaxa or bardaje, and to French as bardache.

Berdache is a relatively recent Anglophonic corruption of this term, which was defined in seventeenth- and eighteenth-century French dictionaries as "a young man who is shamefully abused" or "a young man or boy who serves as another's succubus, permitting sodomy to be committed on him."

     Early Spanish and French explorers and colonizers in North America applied these terms as a means of making sense 
                                            of the relationships, anatomical sex, sexual behavior, and social gender role,
                             of those individuals they encountered who fell outside their own conceptual frameworks
by Susan Stryker
Encyclopedia Copyright © 2015, glbtq, Inc


 A Crow traditionalist says, "We don't waste people the way white society does. Every person has their gift ( 57)." According to the Mohave creation story, "Ever since the world began, there have been transvestites, and from the beginning of the world, it was meant that there should be homosexuals. (Roscoe, ed. 39)."


 Childhood experiences of homosexual menfathersforlife.org


"Thompson found that "homosexuals more strongly identified with their mothers and more strongly disidentified with their fathers than with controls." (Thompson, 1973) According to Saghir and Robins' research:

The mother seems to replace the father as the parental model and source of identification. In the vast majority of the homosexual men, identification is reported to have occurred with the mother or with no parent at all during childhood. A majority of the homosexuals describe their mothers as having been dominant at home, making decisions, carrying out discipline and showing greater drive and involvement. (Saghir, p.152) 

-Fathers and Sons-

Homosexuality is a developmental problem that is almost always the result of problems in family relations, particularly between father and son. As a result of failure with father, the boy does not fully internalize male gender-identity, and develops homosexuality. This is the most commonly seen clinical model. - Joseph Nicolosi, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality, 1991

            -  I very much relate , thus took females as role models, thus want to be in female sexual role -

                                                                     Dale's Web pages   - fathersforlife.org


This material has been prepared for those who are interested in promoting the truth about homosexuality.  Think of it as talking points.  It may be used without attribution.  The more people who say the same thing, the better.  A few facts repeated over and over again can be more powerful than libraries of information.  We have only to consider how our opposition has succeeded by repeating the same lies over and over, until even our friends believe them.

Feel free to copy the contents of these pages in their entirety and share them with friends.  Don't hesitate to ask for more information.  The Irving Bieber Memorial Library East Coast Branch, National Association of Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH), has assembled volumes of material which is available to researchers.  The material has been carefully organized and summarized.  If you are interested in a particular topic, a list of available material can be e-mailed to you.  I would be happy to discuss any research project or provide background for any article.  I am very distressed to see so many of those who share our concerns either writing without facts or using incorrect information.  Since the vast majority of information in our files comes from research by self-identified homosexual persons and their allies, it is a very powerful weapon.  Think of me as a supplier of ammunition in the battle for the family and for the very precious souls who are trapped by deadly lies.  Remember, the facts are on our side.

Some of you may have already received some of this material on an earlier version of Dale's Disk.  Several pieces have been substantially enlarged with new material — in particular section 6 of the AIDS report and "How to prevent homosexuality in boys," and a section on Change were added.  The RTF version contains 364 pages when printed out. 


The following is from my page ; Making the American berdache: Choice or constraint?

   I have many concerns for this "Article / paper "

                    (in that it seems very one sided, as though the berdache had no say in the matter,especially after puberty,

                            and favors berdache became female roled males-constructed through force by parental or tribal authority, )

        1. Why does the author include Ruth Benedict's view of the berdache,                                 which does not reflect her view of the berdache in "Patterns of Culture", which I               read in mid 90's (still have the book), yet was published in 1934.

 " In most of North American there exists the institution of the "berdache", as the French called           them. These men-women were men who at puberty or thereafter took the dress and occupations     of women.

  Some times they married other men and lived with them. Sometimes they were men with no           sexual inversion, persons of weak sexual endowment who chose this role to avoid the jeers of the   women " - patterns of culture page 263

PATTERNS OF CULTURE, an anthropological work published in 1934 that became one of the most widely read pieces of social science ever written in the United States.

2.   Thought I bought and read " "Patterns of Culture", because Albert Einstein recommended reading it in his book ,

    " Ideas and Opinions" do to his thought that the Pueblos of New Mexico, reflected a great culture. 

      Then I read of the berdache, which I had never heard of til then, I very much related to this Model of the;                                                                                   "institution of the "berdache"

    As I had been lusting, wanting to be back in the girly-boyfriend role again since my divorce in         1990, and knew I was "ripe for the taking" if and when the right individual came along, I had             already been using dildo anally, trying different methods of getting my bottom clean, so I would be   ready when I did meet a man who would put me in my female role I so much desired.

  This time wouldn't come until after I started modeling for " Life Drawing " classes in 1997-98,           when a very attractive young black male asked me if I be interested in performing fellatio on him.

  He didn't have to ask twice, soon I was routinely performing fellatio on him,soon I was begging         him to penerate me anally so he could ejaculate up inside me. As with my first experince at               puberty, he was gentle,kind, yet I was strictly in role to give him sexual pleasure, when,where and   as often as he desired, soon he was introducing me to friends he knew, thus soon I was having       sex in my female role with many. - It was very much by chose, not free-will, by want, even need.

                                                                    I very much believe this to be true; 

                            "A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants".-Arthur Schopenhauer 

note;  "

You are free to do whatever you desire. But you are not free to choose your desires. Similarly, Marx said, "man" makes his own history, but not under the historical conditions of his choosing. And Mill attempted to secularize the paradox by observing that we are slaves to habit, but can step back and form those habits. We can, in some measure, both rely on causes and effects and intervene between them.

The idea, which arises in many forms, is that "freedom" is indeed inevitably paradoxical. There is no such thing as "absolute" freedom nor "absolute" constraint. There are only indeterminacies and determinations on different levels, of which one may or may not be aware. 

                  I have selected to be celibate for past 14 years, yet I still very much want to be in my female role sexually


3.  From my point of view; especially now, as I love being a Female roled male, thus it is not so             much in determining why anyone is homosexual,third-gender, but more in society accepting the       fact , that  berdache type have always been part of all of humanity.

      I could say I have desired to be female like, cause of " The Oedipal complex, also known as             the Oedipus complex, is a term used by Sigmund Freud in his theory of; 

                                                    psychosexual stages of development 

      or something related to; Childhood experiences of homosexual men -

"Thompson found that "homosexuals more strongly identified with their mothers and more strongly disidentified with their fathers than with controls." (Thompson, 1973) According to Saghir and Robins' research:

The mother seems to replace the father as the parental model and source of identification. In the vast majority of the homosexual men, identification is reported to have occurred with the mother or with no parent at all during childhood. A majority of the homosexuals describe their mothers as having been dominant at home, making decisions, carrying out discipline and showing greater drive and involvement. (Saghir, p.152) 

Drawing pictures of women

According to the DSM IV, GID boys "particularly enjoy playing house, drawing pictures of beautiful girls and princesses, and watching television or videos of their favorite female characters."(DSMIV, p.533) According to Green:  

When ask to draw a person normally girls draw females and boy draw males, however when "feminine" boys were asked to "a person the majority of the feminine boys drew a female. In addition, when they were asked to draw a picture of themselves, the feminine boys drew a girl. (Green 1974, p.162)  - me


                            I do know seeing my mother performing fellatio and being fucked doggy style by my step-father, when being                                         awakened in the night by their noises, then peeking in their room to see what was happening was a trauma.

                            I also had told my friend at 13 (first experience) , I wanted him to put his cock in me like my mother was, I knew I                                 wanted to suck his cock like I had seen my mother doing , even though I disliked my step-father very much.

                            I wasn't constructed through force by parental or tribal authority,  yet I am a " berdache type ", by ;

                                                                                          This definition ↓

        " While the Spanish and French originally used the term for male transvestites or the passive partner in sex between males,                   anthropologists later applied the term berdache to American Indians who assumed the dress, social statusopposite sex.<span>While the Spanish and French originally used the term for male </span><a class="md-crosslink" style="font-style:inherit;font-weight:400;text-align:left;text-decoration:underline;text-indent:0px;font-size:100%;" href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/transvestism">transvestites</a><span> or the passive partner in sex &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; between males, anthropologists later applied the term </span><i style="font-style:italic;font-weight:400;text-align:left;text-indent:0px;font-size:100%;">berdache</i><span> to American Indians who assumed the dress, </span><a class="md-crosslink autoxref" style="font-style:inherit;font-weight:400;text-align:left;text-decoration:underline;text-indent:0px;font-size:100%;" href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/social-status">social status</a><span>, &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; and role of the opposite sex." -&nbsp;&lt;a title="britannica.com" href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/berdache" target="_self" rel="nofollow" alt="britannica.com"&gt;britannica.com&lt;/a&gt;;</span>

                    And for along time I have very much desired the surgery; vaginoplasty, to remove my penis and have a vagina.

                                                          -Thus a great desire to be Transsexual in that regard-

                                                                      as I love being a Female roled male



Cause of Homosexuality: Poor Parent-Child Relationships by: By Roy Masters

excerpt from ; Cause of Homosexuality:
Poor Parent-Child Relationships

by: By Roy Masters 

Fathers and Sons

Homosexuality is a developmental problem that is almost always the result of problems in family relations, particularly between father and son. As a result of failure with father, the boy does not fully internalize male gender-identity, and develops homosexuality. This is the most commonly seen clinical model. - Joseph Nicolosi, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality, 1991

              I very much relate , thus took females as role model, thus want to be in female sexual role

Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality / wikipedia

excerpt from above ; Critics faulted Nicolosi's scholarship, and argued that he provided an inadequate discussion of biological influences on sexual orientation and incorrectly viewed homosexuality as pathological; some described conversion therapy as a form of pseudoscience. In 2019, the book was withdrawn from sale by Amazon following a campaign by gay rights activists. Some commentators supported Amazon's decision, while others criticized it as a form of censorship. The book remained available from other publishers. 

Withdrawal from sale by Amazon

Daniel Reynolds reported in The Advocate in February 2019 that the gay writer Damian Barr had criticized Amazon for selling books by Nicolosi, arguing that they were discredited and harmful.[14] Gwen Aviles of NBC News reported in July 2019 that Amazon had withdrawn Nicolosi's books from sale following a campaign by gay rights activists.

                                The Truth hurts, yet if it ain't biological, then we at least can work on problem-me

                                One Question might be ; has homosexuality increased at rate similar to divorce rate

Environment and sexual orientation / wikipedia

excerpt from 


Family influences


Researchers have provided evidence that gay men report having had less loving and more rejecting fathers, and closer relationships with their mothers, than non-gay men. Some researchers think this may indicate that childhood family experiences are important determinants to homosexuality,[29] or that parents behave this way in response to gender-variant traits in a child.[30][31] Michael Ruse suggests that both possibilities might be true in different cases.


Childhood experiences of homosexual men


Childhood experiences recalled;


"For example, in one case a patient reported that he always felt uneasy with his father who was like a boarder in the house. The father not only did not touch his son, but did not permit the son to touch his possessions. The son was not even permitted to wear his father's discarded ties". 

"Sipova and Brzek compared 27 transsexual men, 100 effeminate homosexual men and 70 noneffeminate men with 41 heterosexual controls. They found that "fathers of homosexuals and transsexuals were more hostile and less dominant than the fathers of the control group and hence less desirable identification models" and that "the average father of the effeminate homosexual is reported to be harsh and selfish.

a boy who strongly identifies with a father and especially a father who has marked male characteristics, does not suffer from anxiety. Our control group has reported kind, caring and at the same time vigorous fathers endowed with authority. They appear to represent desirable identification models for their sons also in relation to women. It was found that our control group of heterosexual men strongly identified with their fathers... the development of selfesteem in boys is directly dependent on the degree to which the father was committed to their rearing and the strength of the emotional bond with him. The homosexuals and transsexuals in our study manifested selfesteem disorders. (Sipova, 1983)

In looking at parental influences, it is important to remember that timing may be a crucial element. According to Daniel Brown:

It is quite conceivable that there is a crucial period in the early years of a child for establishing the basic capacity for heterosexual adjustment. In this connection, evidence indicates that sex role differentiation and identity occur in most children between the ages of one and one-half and three, and that heterosexual stimulation and responsiveness develop between the third and sixth year of life. (Brown, 1963)

If the father were absent after the boy had developed a confident masculine identity, the effect of his absence on gender identity might be minimal (although father absence could have negative effects in other areas).

Girls as playmates;


The DSMIV (p.537) lists "strong preference for playmates of the other sex" as one of the elements that should be considered in making the diagnosis of GID. Homosexual men frequently recall having girl playmates:

I preferred to play with the girls, not because I necessarily liked girls better, but because I preferred cooperative rather than competitive games, nor did I like the anger and aggressiveness on the playground. I really didn't like team things. (Silverstein, p.62)

Not only did Craig avoid the rough-and-tumble games of other boys his age, but he also preferred to play only with girls. His favorite game was to play house. He would take the role of "mother" and insist that one of the girls play the part of "father."(Rekers 1982, p.132) - Childhood experiences of homosexual men / 

 this very similar to my step-father     -me


  For myself it is much to late to try to change, even if wanted to, and don't feel I could;


                          1. I love being in female role sexually, having a man's penis up in my bottom is greatest feeling for me.

                                  2. I am so psychologically effeminate now, and have no desire to sexually be with a female.

                                  3. I am so enculturated as a Female roled male, I think once I allowed a man to ejaculate up in me, then 

                                      crave it, need it my Role was set.

    I do believe " Dale's Page " is best body of work that really honesty looks at homosexuality, and need for more Aware Parenting


"Nicolosi  makes an all important distinction: Being homosexual does not mean being gay.... [The author] is to be congratulated for taking up the gauntlet for a much neglected population--the homosexual male who experiences his sexual orientation as ego dystonic and wants to change."

--Elaine Siegel, Ph.D.

Ego-dystonic sexual orientation is an ego-dystonic mental disorder characterized by having a sexual orientation or an attraction that is at odds with one's idealized self-image, causing anxiety and a desire to change one's orientation or become more comfortable with one's sexual orientation. It describes not innate sexual orientation itself, but a conflict between the sexual orientation one wishes to have and the sexual orientation one actually possesses.

                  I personally couldn't be helped by the above therapies as my sexual orientation is far to much part of my being, 

       and I have fully excepted being a Female roled male, yet some people may greatly benefit from Joseph Nicolosi 's concept.

excerpt from ↑ Sexually Dominant Women and the Men who Desire Them, Part II ; 

the author starts by "There is relatively little in the academic literature on the cuckoldress"

" If the cuckoldress allows the cuckold to directly participate in her sexual experiences it is usually for the purpose of furthering his         sexual humiliation. For example, she may force him to have sex with one of her bulls."  for myself , I want the bulls to bred me, and     there is no  humiliation  factor.  The Article is not Factual in my case,yet it shows how society Assumes / creates certainities, the         article may apply to some - but need to be Humilated is not One I relate to !, Society wants to label everything they don't understand


                                                             when there in reality is a reason for everything

                                    the word Fetish should be defined as " I am Clueless / UnConscious , and too stupid to inquire "


I do believe for the Cuckold it is a form of ;

                           Desensitization (psychology)

                                                                I think this very much was a aspect of Human evolution

       As due to fact that " if the cuckold is to hold the relationship / family together, when another male seeks his mate (wife), 
                  the cuckold has to prepare for this, step aside or in my case , I take the female role, no longer have sex with her,;
                                                                                yet sexually pleasure him

See my page " Cuckolding ,a sign of being a Fem-male "(password-iamofage)  I am not saying this fits all males , yet for myself the Ideal relationship would be partnered with a Straight male and female, where I am a Female roled male, and sexually my role is to only pleasure the male as he needs / wishs.- reason I wrote - Terrace -


Role of Midwife in away is Role I would play for the Straight male and Female

, must be remember I am not homosexual in tradition sense, as I am 100% sexually female roled

Socrates the Midwife

In the Theaetetus, a young Theaetetus admits that he has thought about the problem of defining knowledge many times before and suffers from his lack of an adequate solution. Socrates says, ‘These are the pangs of labour, my dear Theaetetus; you have something within you which you are bringing forth’. Socrates compares (metaphor) himself to a midwife, who can establish whether a woman is pregnant, induce labour, calm its pain, and bring about the delivery of a healthy child. He differs from a midwife only in that he works with men rather than with women, and with the soul rather than with the body. Just like the midwife is past bearing age, so he is barren – not of children, but of wisdom. All he can do is to bring forth wisdom in others, and the triumph of his art is ‘in thoroughly examining whether the thought which the mind of the young man brings forth is a false idol or a noble and true birth’. Sometimes the young man takes all the credit for himself, leaves him sooner than he should, and once again begins to set more value upon phantoms than upon the truth. In such cases the young man loses whatever he gave birth to and miscarries whatever remains in him. Then one day he realises that he is an ignorant fool and falls upon his knees, begging to return. Socrates warns that, should Theaetetus give birth to a phantom or false idol, he will tear it away from him and expose it.

                                   What do Plato and Aristotle have to say about homosexuality?

Their attitudes must of course be placed in historical context. Whilst not denying that Aristotle was gay many men practised it as the only reliable form of contraception. That still happens in some Catholic South American countries where homosexuality is regarded as a lesser sin than contraception. The Roman army encouraged it on economic grounds! It cut the cost of ‘camp followers’, prostitutes. It was the origin of the word ‘camp’ as a term for homosexuality.?

“Homosexuality,” Plato wrote, “is regarded as shameful by barbarians and by those who live under despotic governments just as philosophy is regarded as shameful by them, because it is apparently not in the interest of such rulers to have great ideas engendered in their subjects, or powerful friendships or passionate love-all of which homosexuality is particularly apt to produce.”

Many will note that as Plato matured, he grew to call for an abandonment of homosexuality, but it seems that for him, homosexual love and heterosexual love were almost the same. I might contend that what Plato was raging against was not the act or feeling itself of either homosexual or heterosexual love, but love itself. In reading snippets of Plato, it seems that he viewed love as an unbridled beast which could not be contained, therefore it was not the physical actions of intercourse which he plotted against, but the need, if that makes any sense.  Further, if you note Laws I 636a-d, Plato is not specifically speaking about homosexuality, but about reproduction, and in a very real way, love. Note again Laws VIII – it was not about the act, which he seemingly was in favor of, but in the fear that procreation was not being carried out. We see such mentality in ancient cultures and even now in pre-modern peoples such as tribes in Afghanistan in which men are married to women, and will engage in procreative intercourse naming it love, but regularly engage in what we would deem (but they adamantly reject) as homosexuality. We know that the ancient Athenian men were married, had children, but engaged in fraternal intercourse with males younger than themselves.

In sum, you may in fact believe that homosexuality is a sin and find ample evidence in Scripture to do so, but if you tout the fact that instead of reading modern takes on the issues you will instead turn to the loftiness of Plato, then in fact, you are reading a gay man who supported the child molester Socrates as divine while proclaiming that you have pedagogical level not yet attained by the remainder of we mere mortals.

  -------------------------------------------------------------- A interesting view point ↑ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I do believe " Nature's Laws ", are based souly on purpose of evolving, and in regards to Humans - Learning the truth , and adapting.

                                And what you, I and those whom thought 3000 thousands years ago in a whole different context, 

                                                              Can use that knowledge to Adapt to now.

                                                               εἰδέναι μὲν μηδὲν πλὴν αὐτὸ τοῦτο εἰδέναι

                                                  ("that he knew nothing except that he knew that very fact)


  "According to Epictetus, nothing is properly considered either good, or bad, aside from those things that are within our own power to control, and the only thing fully in our power to control is our own volition (prohairesis) which exercises the faculty of choice that we use to judge our impressions. For example, if a person says something critical to us, that is not bad; or, if something complimentary is said, that is not good, because such things are externals and not in our power to control. By exerting the power of choice, it is possible to maintain equanimity in the face of either criticism and praise, which is a moral good. On the other hand, when people become troubled by criticism, or elated by praise, that is a moral evil because they have misjudged impressions by thinking that things not in their power (such as criticism or praise) have value, and by doing that they place a measure of control of their own life in the hands of others."  

The importance of prohairesis for Epictetus is that it exerts a power that allows people to choose how they will react to impressions rationally:

Remember that what is insulting is not the person who abuses or hits you, but the judgment that these things are insulting. So when someone irritates you, realize that it is your own opinion that has irritated you. Try, therefore, in the first place, not to be carried away by the impression; for if you once gain time and respite, you will find it easier to control yourself.[6]

By exerting their prohairesis (will, volition, or choice), people can choose rationally how to react to impressions. Prohairesis is the faculty that distinguishes human beings from all other creatures. Epictetus defines it as:

  1. a rational faculty able to use the impressions and to which all other human faculties are subordinated (e.g., Discourses II.23.6-15; II.23.20-29)
  2. a faculty capable of using impressions and understanding their use (e.g., Discourses II.8.4-8)
  3. a self-theoretical faculty able to evaluate all other human faculties (e.g., Discourses I.1.1-13; I.17.1-3; I.20.1-6)
  4. a faculty impossible to be enslaved (e.g., Discourses II.10.1; I.17.21) and impossible to subordinate (e.g., Discourses II.10.1; I.17.21; IV.1.161)


   Rupert Sheldrake talks about How Human Conscious evolved by adapting 

Panpsychism, (from Greek pan, “all”; psychē, “soul”), a philosophical theory asserting that a plurality of separate and distinct psychic beings or minds constitute reality. Panpsychism is distinguished from hylozoism (all matter is living) and pantheism (everything is God). For Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz, the 17th-century German philosopher and a typical panpsychist, the world is composed of atoms of energy that are psychic. These monads have different levels of consciousness: in inorganic reality they are sleeping, in animals they are dreaming, in human beings they are waking; God is the fully conscious monad.


When I read about Prohairesis above, I better realize if I say something critical to someone, it has no Value, it is better to always help guide them to correctness, being critical is really selfishness, as praising is best replaced by simply" Thanking " them, as myself I don't like being praised, a simple " Thank You " is best.

                                             So Much we don't Know!

                                 I do know ; Criticizing , Complaining , Condemning -hurts everybody mostly self

One thing "Criticizing , Complaining , Condemning" does do, it shows just how UnAware of yourself you are, and how selfish you are being.

The classical Greeks tolerated homosexual relations and regarded it as a normal part of life, but unlike modern Western societies, the Ancient Greeks did not distinguish sexual desire or behavior by the gender of the participants, but rather by the role of the participants in the sex act. The relationship was supposed to be between adult men and pubescent or adolescent boys. The ‘active’ partner was supposed to be the older male and the ‘passive’ was the adolescent ‘beardless’ boy.

                                              This is why " Role " is so important , and why I can only be the Female Roled partner

As the ancient Greek philosopher Plato wrote,

“homosexuality is regarded as shameful by barbarians and by those who live under despotic governments just as philosophy is regarded as shameful by them, because it is apparently not in the interest of such rulers to have great ideas engendered in their subjects, or powerful friendships or passionate love-all, of which homosexuality is particularly apt to produce.”

                                         This is a Powerful statement, in that ; One has to ask " Who / What rules you ? "

Many social constructionists maintain that in ancient Rome, for example, homosexuality in itself was not a problem, but that the problem (i.e. an issue given great consideration) concerned taking the ‘passive’ role in male–male sexual relations (i.e. being penetrated). Thus, for example, there is no term for the active (i.e. penetrating) partner in this relationship; he is simply a man, whereas his passive partner is a catamitus

Terms of contempt for homosexuals are common throughout history and across cultures. In Old Norse and Icelandic sagas, and in Finnish and Estonian languages, the most powerful terms of abuse are the words argr, ragr, and ergi, which all connote cowardice, effeminacy, sorcery and (receptive) male homosexuality. The terms probably derive from the archetype of the queer sorcerer (often a religious functionary acting as a scapegoat) found in many ancient societies and indigenous cultures. In modern Germanic languages arg just means ‘bad’. Similarly, the modern English word felon, criminal, comes from Medieval Latin felo/fello meaning ‘evildoer’, but this is derived from fellare, to fellate. In other words, the primal felon was a cocksucker.

English word ‘bad’ derives from the Anglo-Saxon term baedling, meaning effeminate/receptive male. In countless languages the basic pattern for the most contemptuous terms of abuse is practically the same: the archetypal bad man is one who performs a shameful receptive/feminine role in sex, i.e. a queer, cocksucker, or cunt. They are all reducible to the single paradigm of the man who takes ‘the woman’s role’ in sex, hence the affinity of homophobia and sexism.

                                                            "Above ,short history shows just how history becomes history"

                                                                                   Yet direct our Thoughts

The supposed line between role and orientation is not so hard and fast as the social constructionists pretend it to be. From a strictly formal point of view, the passive role is determined just as much by an emphasis upon sexual object choice and orientation as the personality type that is supposed to have arisen in modern times. This (premodern) passivity, non-masculinity especially, is central to the stigmatization of the ‘deviant’ homosexual identity of more modern times. We are playing a semantic game (rather than genuine epistemology) if we insist that the catamite is a problem only because he assumes a female sexual role, and that the modern homosexual is an entirely different sort of problem because of his sexual object choice. The ‘homosexual’ is an over-abstract supposedly neutral ‘scientific’ concept: but surely we all know that the homosexual is a problem because he is a queer, a fairy, a pansy, a molly – because he plays an effeminate role. It seems to have escaped the social constructionist's observation that to be a cocksucker is to be oriented towards a specific gender. 

                                      " The Men whom seen me, where very much not Homosexual "

                                                       " I very Much did not Want them to be! "

                                                   homosexual or as the "berdache" like myself,

                       and for myself it wasn't gay,homosexuality, as psychosexually I am female,

                                                                       - 100%-

                                          For me to have sex with a female, is homosexuality to me

                                                                         "in my selected experiences as a Female Roled male,

                                                                   The Men I had sex with very much where Only Male Roled

                                                                               ( when I say Male roled , I mean " Straight Male ")

                           Men seen me for Sexual pleasure, to be ejaculated by me,by way of masturbation,my self performing Fellatio, 

                                                                              or myself taking their penis up in myself anally

       We where never Romantic Lovers, friends yes, but not like the Romantic sexual relationship of a Straight Male/Female

                                                                                Can Have, nothing can replace that

                                               Who are the  barbarian's ?


Somebody who only reads newspapers and at best books of contemporary authors looks to me like an extremely near-sighted person who scorns eyeglasses. He is completely dependent on the prejudices and fashions of his times, since he never gets to see or hear anything else. And what a person thinks on his own without being stimulated by the thoughts and experiences of other people is even in the best case rather paltry and monotonous. There are only a few enlightened people with a lucid mind and style and with good taste within a century. What has been preserved of their work belongs among the most precious possessions of mankind. We owe it to a few writers of antiquity (Plato, Aristotle, etc.) that the people in the Middle Ages could slowly extricate themselves from the superstitions and ignorance that had darkened life for more than half a millennium. Nothing is more needed to overcome the modernist's snobbishness.?  (Albert Einstein, 1954)

     Effects of taking large Amounts of Semen into body ?

I personally have in a 2 day period taken aprox. 20 individual ejaculations into my "bottom", and 10 ejaculations in my mouth, 

               with no upset stomach, psychologically I felt very contented, I was very tired, slept nearly a entire 24 hours.

                 I am very bias though, as for myself , my great desire has always been to get a man I really like to "Ejaculate in me "

                                                                Thus I naturally just feel good when he / they have.

I have often wondered " what if all the Men at the ; "The Last Man Standing parties"  Indigo club page 

                                  (50-60 men) could have not had to wear condoms and ejaculated up inside my bottom


excerpt from;

 " I figured each guy had been in me at least 8 to 10 times after before 1am (party started at noon) so about 300 to 400 little                    individual actual quick full depth/pull out penetrations.That was first party which 63 men where there. 10 girls and myself."

                                                 no way could a man ejaculate 8 or 10 times in a 12 hour time frames. 

                                                       Yet I knew I could be penetrated a lot , be able to keep myself clean

                                           Thus in Reality, if I could form a group of married Straight men (Indigo Club ).

                                   And say; On a daily basis I see 8 to 10 men, all of whom may ejaculate in my bottom if they wish.

               Say this was normal 5 days a week, that 50 ejaculations a week, and in reality I have taken 30 ejaculations in two days.

                                                                   Also even in my daily / weekly life of 1998 - 2005 , 

                              It might be common to see 1 man every day, have him ejaculate in my bottom and not douche for awhile,

                                              Obviously if I performed fellatio , I swallow his semen, thus retained his semen in me.

                          Yet days, like on weekends if I seen the 30 men in individual encounters, and the 20 ejaculated in my bottom,

                                                      I douched / used my dildo to cleaned myself , before seeing another man, 

                                                                Thus I wasn't retaining the semen in my bottom very long

                        ( I wanted to be able to tell my men I was clean, most wanted / required me clean before penetrating me anally )

            In encounters where I seen two men at same time,one would usually ejaculate in my bottom, one in my mouth,

                                                 I liked this encounter best, as I actually had multiple ejaculations in myself at once,


                                                                 There where a few Duos (two men who always seen me together )

                                               Whom could ejaculate, then in about 10-15 minutes could again both ejaculate in me.

                                                                 I think I could feel a physiological effects in a "high" type mood, 


                                  I can't honestly say, my mood changing from being "down" to "high", was from the semen in part, 

                                                     As I was being satisflied by the men putting me in my much needed role, 

                                                      for example ; as soon as a man had his penis up in me, I was feeling "great",

                          just having him up in me was a " high ", sure I wanted him to take his time, sliding in and out of me, yet even if

                                                                    he ejaculated quickly, I was very content


I think that this could be true for males taking semen as well, in that once a man had ejaculated in me bottom or mouth, I was very likely to " be his ", in essense , I wanted him to have sex with me as often as possible, the more he did, and more trust developed, I was likely to trust him to introduce me to a friend of his whom might like having me as a Fem-male friend.

A lot of dynamics where going on in my sexually promiscuous time period, for example by 2000, I was routinely seeing 20 men, so having sex nightly was very common, and what I wanted, yet being tired from work, the difficulty in schedules matching, thus meeting and giving them a quick blow-job most common, if I was lucky, and we had time,weather ok, could find a safe place to get out, he could then bone me ,thus ejaculate up in me, either way I was taking his semen in me, 

I have always had problem with depression through out life, I would feel really good after a encounter, yet by then I had started 

drinking more, mostly due to the stress of work, yet also the chaos of driving around to get my-" fix of cock and semen"-.

   By then I really was wanting to just have sex all day like a prostitute, yet opposed idea of getting paid, or would it be enough, and be so selective as to whom I seen, how I concieved " Indigo club " idea. Thinking I could handle getting boned 10 times a day, what would that take though,  in how many men , say I was seeing 20 men routinely and that filled or could take up my time once a night 7 days a week , I figured I have to have at least 150 men who wanted to see me routinely.

 A big part of the " Indigo club " was research such as effects of having rountine anal sex, how semen effects me, a big interest of mine is Microchimerism male to male transfer

Homosexuality and Chimerism, Rethinking Our DNA

Daily reminder that if you impregnate a former slut, your kid is only partially yours 

>CONCLUSIONS: Male microchimerism was not infrequent in women without sons. Besides known pregnancies, other possible sources of male microchimerism include unrecognized spontaneous abortion, vanished male twin, an older brother transferred by the maternal circulation, or SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. Male microchimerism was significantly more frequent and levels were higher in women with induced abortion than in women with other pregnancy histories. Further studies are needed to determine specific origins of male microchimerism in women."

excerpt from above; 

                                            "In a sample of sexually active college females, condom use, as an indirect measure of the presence of semen in the reproductive tract,was related to scores on the Beck Depression Inventory.Not only were females who were having sex without condoms less depressed, but depressive symptoms and suicide attempts among females who used condoms were proportional to the consistency of condom use. For females who did not use condoms, depression scores went up as the amount of time since their last sexual encounter increased. These data are consistent with the possibility that semen may antagonize (oppose) depressive symptoms and evidence which shows that the vagina absorbs a number of components of semen that can be detected in the bloodstream within a few hours of administration. "


Another example ; of we've got a lot to Learn !

                                                                                  Circumcision Linked To Autism In Controversial New Study

                                                                                        They Forgot Babies boys Feel Pain, thus Trauma!

Blood transfusion is a newly   recognized cause of microchimerism, the stable persistence of a minor population of allogeneic cells. Relatively recent advances in polymerase chain reaction technology have spawned new information about the frequency and aetiology of transfusion-associated microchimerism

       What it's Like making a living have Sex with Straight Men

Berdaches frequently are available for sex with both unmarried adolescent boys and married men who occasionally seek out same sex partners. Because of this, female prostitution is not needed. Traditional berdaches were also available as sexual partners during hunts and in war parties (102). This was yet another reason why they were welcomed on these excursions.

                                                                                  - A Native American Perspective on the Theory of Gender Continuum by DRK

excerpt from 


Q: What would readers be surprised to learn about the business?

A: I don’t know if people are wanting to find sympathy in the client, but what was surprising to me was that most clients, most men, were really looking for companionship They were looking to connect with somebody and were looking for more than just a one-hour engagement. 

Q: Who was your typical client?

A: The average client that I met in New York City was 25-45, well-dressed, well-groomed, very well-mannered, well-educated — a lot of times from New York; mostly Wall Street, lawyers, CEOs, businessmen, hedge fund managers. About half of them were single, about half of them were married.

The single guys were guys who were super-ambitious, tons of testosterone, very alpha-male types who work really, really hard and don’t necessarily have the free time to go out on dates.

A lot of the married guys, one of the things I used to believe at the time was that I was actually doing a service for these guys, because rather than having an affair with their secretary and potentially ruining their lives, they would come see me, satisfy their needs physically and some of the companionship they wanted — going on a date, having fun, relaxing — and being able to sustain their marriage. Apparently that’s what some people need.


Suzy Favor Hamilton,   three-time Olympic middle-distance runner, had a secret double-life as a call girl. 


                         One has to remember , at Least in the a " Third-gender " context ,and my "Role ",as well a many in history

                                      , is male whom seeks to be in Female Role and is wishing to be with Straight males only, 

                              Though same sex relation, it can't be seen as what might defined as traditional "gay" relationship.

                                                      In image above " Slutboy ", I very much am telling "my men", I am available

                                                               For Sex  (for you to fuck me, or me to masturbate,or fellatio),

             By about 2001, I was starting to wear Thighs/garter,dressing Fem-like,so was asking everyone to call me a "Fem-male". 

                                      Either Slutboy,or Fem-male , I like, it also helped define my role as " to sexual pleasure them", 

                                                          in essense a Fem-male prostitute, that they didn't have to pay.

                   . I wanted them to feel they could call me 24/7, if they want companionship,just talk.even just pick up at airport etc

                         " I liked it a lot when men called me "Slutboy", not in a Derogatory way,as they didn't ever do that,

                                   They where Defining my " Role ", this may sound simple, yet in this case very important,


                                      Yet in Every day life, Defined Role is so important,yet so taken for granted,over looked.


1998 I began meet men at night in summer alot wearing pants like these, which showed my Fem-male role, and made it easy for them to bend me over and fuck me

Hetaira /hɪˈtaɪrə/ (plural hetairai (/hɪˈtaɪraɪ/), also hetaera /hɪˈtɪrə/ (plural hetaerae /hɪˈtɪriː/), (Ancient Greek: ἑταίρα, "companion", pl. ἑταῖραι) was a type of prostitute in ancient Greece.

Traditionally, historians of ancient Greece have distinguished between hetairai and pornai, another class of prostitute in ancient Greece. In contrast to pornai, who provided sex for numerous clients in brothels or on the street, hetairai were thought to have had only a few men as clients at any one time, to have had long-term relationships with them, and to have provided companionship and intellectual stimulation as well as sex.[1] For instance, Charles Seltman wrote in 1953 that "hetaeras were certainly in a very different class, often highly educated women".[2]

Along with sexual services, women described as hetairai rather than pornai seem to have often been educated, and have provided companionship.[12] According to Kurke, the concept of hetairism was a product of the symposium, where hetairai were permitted as sexually available companions of the male party-goers.[13] In Athenaeus' Deipnosophistai, hetairai are described as providing "flattering and skillful conversation": something which is, elsewhere in classical literature, seen as a significant part of the hetaira's role.[14] Particularly, "witty" and "refined" (αστεία) were seen as attributes which distinguished hetairai from common pornai.[15] Hetairai are likely to have been musically educated, too.[16]

I seen myself similar to "Hetaira" , just male bodied

How I wish I looked for men

Simultaneously, extramarital relations with a free woman were severely dealt with. In the case of adultery, the cuckold had the legal right to kill the offender if caught in the act; the same went for rape. Female adulterers, and by extension prostitutes, were forbidden to marry or take part in public ceremonies.[2] The average age of marriage being 30 for men, the young Athenian had no choice, if he wanted to have sexual relations other than to turn to slaves or prostitutes. 

For example of the men I was sexually pleasuring quite a few where 22 to 30, I liked them alot cause they where horny all the time,had great , ejaculations, down side was they often climaxed rather quickly once they got their cock up in my bottom. Then a lot of the men who had girlfriends or wives, often just had me suck their cocks til they ejaculated in my mouth, this most common at lunch hours, and evenings.

believe me, I wish I could undress for a man and look like this!
ever since I can remember,I've wanted to look like this for a man

From a rational point of view, to be in a Polyandry-Triad relationship Straight male-Straight female-berdache, it would be very suiting,appropriate,etc. if I had the surgery ,  would be zero-depth vagina, as I very much love being penetrated anally,I don't mind taking time to clean my bottom, men like like the tightness my bottom.

  Yet by having a vagina it very much would Define my Role as berdache / female-roled male, the Straight male has no worries of me having sex with the female, yet can love her in a platonic way, The Straight male and female, are only two whom have Romantic type sexual relationship, the straight male routinely has me fellate him, or fucks me, I equal companionship Role with both.

   By having a vagina, it show my full commitment to the Role of berdache/fem-male

excerpts from  ;

Greece and Rome

Women in Ancient Rome and Ancient Greece used sexual position, charms, drugs and the calendar method to try to prevent pregnancy

 One commonly used method of contraception was anal sex, because it meant the sperm could not reach the womb.


From my experience, most men really like fucking me because my bottom is tight, compared to a vagina, they can ejaculate in me and not worry of birth control,   they could simply call me any time and tell me they need to fuck me, or need a blow job, and know that I would as soon as possible. Example ; A male friend from "last man standing" party in Chicago area, might call me tell me he was coming to my city for 4 days of meetings etc. and ask if he can fuck me every night while he is in town, so I would.

                                                       We'd do other stuff together as well,go to movie,shop etc.

excerpt from  ;

A woman engaging in anal sex shows her desire and willingness to have sex in a purely physical way, with no thought of pregnancy. She is embracing, to some degree, a willingness to make her body a sexual object. Some research suggests that women who engage in anal sex report having more orgasms, not necessarily during anal sex alone, but in their overall levels of sexual activity.

                                                                                                                                                - .psychologytoday.com


by 2002 the concept for Idea of "Terrace " started forming

                                      That is Poly-Triad relationship where I live with Straight male/female couple (Terrace)

For example in Terrace, during Jodi's pregnancy, I do a lot more of the cooking,household chores,go to store etc. William fucks me mainly, due to Jodi's complicated pregnancy,her age, thus we all decide she isn't going have vaginal intercourse.

After the child is born I take care of her and child, my primary Role, as the child grows, my primary Role shifts to care of the child, similar to Nanny role.

                                             I truly believe this happened in similar way through-out human evolution

                                           And may of in the early hunter-gather setting, been a necessity for survival.

                                                               Just to much history showing the "Female Role male"

            Showing the Cuckold, whom once takes the female role sexually with the his female partner's new male sexually mate,

                                              The cuckold must take the Role of female / berdache , or leave the relationship

                                             I think it might be possible, yet not likely that two straight males and one female,

                                                          can live under same roof as a family unit, and have sex with her.

              We have in many ways become much more like a Hunter-Gather Society

Before the coming of farming, people gained their food by foraging for nuts, berries and insects, hunting wild game, large and small, and fishing- Hunter/Gathers

                                                Now We simply go to the Grocery Store to Hunt and Gather what we need!

                                                                 How many of us are growing our own food?

                                               The Grocery Store is now our source of Food ,not the woods,fields,streams.

If I where to go to Greece, I very well might call one of these men 

I have great affection for Plato, who is without doubt one of the greatest philosophers of the past 2,500 years. Thus it is unfortunate that many people imagine our post-modern society to have gained such knowledge that the Ancient Greek Philosophers are now irrelevant. In fact the opposite is true. As Bertrand Russell observed (History of Western Philosophy), it was the Ancient Greek Philosophers who first discovered and discussed the fundamental Principles of Philosophy, and most significantly, little has been added to their knowledge since. As Einstein wrote;

Somebody who only reads newspapers and at best books of contemporary authors looks to me like an extremely near-sighted person who scorns eyeglasses. He is completely dependent on the prejudices and fashions of his times, since he never gets to see or hear anything else. And what a person thinks on his own without being stimulated by the thoughts and experiences of other people is even in the best case rather paltry and monotonous. There are only a few enlightened people with a lucid mind and style and with good taste within a century. What has been preserved of their work belongs among the most precious possessions of mankind. We owe it to a few writers of antiquity (Plato, Aristotle, etc.) that the people in the Middle Ages could slowly extricate themselves from the superstitions and ignorance that had darkened life for more than half a millennium. Nothing is more needed to overcome the modernist's snobbishness. (Albert Einstein, 1954)

                                                                                                                         - spaceandmotion.com

In the analogy of The Cave, Plato shows the ascent of the mind from illusion to truth and pure philosophy, and the difficulties which accompany its progress.


                         "In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act."
                                                               (George Orwell)

                                          From my research the number one thing I see through out history is ;  

                                  " The barbarian mind set is the enemy of human progress"

                                            and so much "un-self awareness"

                                                    The Mitochondrial Eve concept


                                   Body modification

I've always been intrigued as to why people have gotten tattoos,  body art,,Artificial cranial deformation

                              I personally have always been a very Utilitarian type person, no frills, yet reliable etc. 

                             Something must be designed to meet it's intended purpose first and foremost.

                                              That said, the term berdache , represents to myself ;

                                                                          Female Roled male

                                                       If One looks at history of body modification,

                                                          it seems to be a need to belong,identify with the tribe,

                                                                                      a certain belief, a certain role within,etc.


                        I have always felt my need to have my penis removed, replaced with a vagina,

                    came in the form of ;  showing commitment to Role, first and foremost

Commitment to Role

                                           Secondly; I think having a vagina takes away the male sexual aspect of myself

                                                            There is a element of ; Rational in wanting to take away the penis,

                                                            in that it ain't there to be seen,touched,desired by another.

It ain't there !

excerpt from; bradley.edu

Ask Yourself 

How do you and those around you modify your bodies? What motivates you to do so? What are the potential benefits and risks (physical, emotional and social) of such body modification practices? 

To what extent do rigid and unrealistic ideals of beauty encourage us to change our bodies? Should we try to conform to these ideals or try to change these ideals?

                                  Are any of the Body Modifications Rational ?

                                             When standing back and looking at all the types of body modifications of history,
                                                 few have any "Rational " elements other then aesthetics or identity

                                                        Psychological however is;  " Need to belong " rational ?

                                                                                                   " Need to find a mate " rational ?

                 I was watching a Joe Rogan video this weekend, some I respect, believe to be truthful,seeker of truth, that said, ;

                      the topic of transgender came up, he seemed preplexed that a individual might identify as transsexual,
                                                      somewhat having not the ability to have empathy for such a individual,

                                                        Yet if you look at Joe's arms ,the have many,many tattoos on them,

      This is a huge Dilemma ;  " That is, here is Joe,seemly very open-minded, yet even he isn't over the hump to truly accepting,


                   I do believe, the only thing a self aware person can do upon seeing a person,                                         who's desire is to have tattoos, body modifications,etc.
                                      is to say to yourself ; " It doesn't matter what I think ! "

                  For example I have no desire to have tattoos,any type of body modification,
             Thus understand in your own mind - " I don't desire, so it is not pleasing to me"

      " Yet for some reason it is pleasing to them !, and it don't matter if it is pleasing to me "

                       This might sound easy to do !, if so Why can't most people do it ?

                              Including myself, why I have to be Aware of " the thought of "

                             for example a famous phrase Socrates was known for;

                                                              " I know nothing"

                               it was also said he said " I am wise to say I know nothing"

                I am fairly certain it means in context of a situation where he didn't know

                                                        He was very self-aware

                                    One thing I learned , after spending 2 years confined in 

                                        Alcohol Rehab, was realizing " Relapse Triggers "

             There is a catch though; " Unless your self-aware , you will not catch the trigger "
                                                                               til it's to Late!
                                              Addiction recovery stats are not good.- in two years I seen many die
                                And Idealogy can be a Addiction just as bad as Alcohol

I've thought about carrying a sock at all times,for self and others

            A big relapse trigger is a " Pattern of Complaining,Criticizing,Condemning", if yourself is, or someone else ;

                                                                                             there is a problem!

                                                                                      - Needs resolved ASAP -


A interesting point ;

  " Some cultures have three defined genders: man, woman, and effeminate man. For example, in Samoa, the fa'afafine, a group of feminine males, are entirely socially accepted. The fa'afafine do not have any of the stigma or distress typically associated in most cultures with deviating from a male/female gender role. This suggests the distress so frequently associated with GID in a Western context is not caused by the disorder itself, but by difficulties encountered from social disapproval by one's culture.[51] However, research has found that the anxiety associated with gender dysphoria persists in cultures, Eastern or otherwise, which are more accepting of gender nonconformity.[52]

                                          - wikipedia

    The possible elements of being a " berdache" (female roled male) in human history

  1. If the berdache spent most time with the females in the tribe working /caretaking.
  It meant his presents was ok with the other males.
  2.  There had to be a element of comfort for the males whom where away hunting,  knowing there was a stronger fit male left behind with the women,children,elders,
  yet was not a threat as far as wanting to had sex with the females.
  3  Survival of the tribe as a whole,
  example;  Lets say I grew up in tribe , say the tribe overall normally
  had population of about 50, since puberty, I was a known
  berdache, all the males in tribe my age knew they could ,if  they behaved correctly, penetrate me anally for sexually  purposes
  From puberty to adult age, all these males grew up together
  this was "normal", Everybody knew it , also there would be;
  a kinship between berdache and females,
  a kinship between the males and berdache
  This is Huge right here, as the berdache-(me)  became a
  " Mediator "
  and a mediator whom knows all well, whom knows the  males sexual ways, the women know the males have been
  ejaculating in me all my life, thus a kinship between the a  couple when they join in wife/husband type relationship.
  "berdache as care giver/chaperone"
  Lets say a male is injured, the berdache would have been
  or could of been well versed in all known ways of healing.
  The injuried male can't go out on hunts for awhile,yet still
  can mingle with female!, the chaperone is there though!
  and I the berdache,could quickly thwart the injured males
  interest in any females whom are mated with one of the  hunting males, by sexually pleasuring him until able to join  other males hunting.
  (the other males whom are out hunting know I am there for this reason as well)
  thus, they carry no worries of infidelity.
  " If a male dies "
  Since the berdache has been with the women all their  lives, he has also been with the couple's children all their
  live's ,teaching,caring for them as well. Thus the male  with children knows the berdache will be there for his wife and child as needed.
  " berdache prevents sex between mating males.(homosexual relationships)"
  If all the males know,they can simply have sex with the berdache,
  have been all their lives, they would know to be a berdache, meant  being in the " Female role ", thus a big line to cross, yet the culture  already is as long as the mating male simply takes me sexually in my
  "my female role", this is not "dishonoring", and all do, and have since  puberty, and still can through out life ,if I don't have one of the males
  take me as his mate/wife, thus most likely as the population grew, a  berdache was born,to ratio (current stats are 1 in every 100 to 200 males  indentify as transgender 1to2% ).

  "If all the males where killed-leaving only the berdache "

  The berdache could of quickly mate with all the females,
  thus, maintaining the tribe, also if there is truth to the findings
  of; Male Microchimerism transfer by semen and sexual  intercourse , the berdache may be carrying the DNA, of all the  males killed, as they have been ejaculating into the berdache  since puberty ?,
  ( a question I have personally, "do I carry the DNA of all the men who have ejaculated in me?")
for example lately I was thinking about the men whom have ejaculated up in my bottom  whom had cocks long enough to reach my sigmoid colon then snap into it, and ejaculate,

  if DNA tranfer does exist, would these men be more likely to accomplished it, due to fact their  semen was held up in me for 24 hours at least.
  One factor or common trait of my "well hung men", they where use to going slower due to their long cocks, thus generally their cocks where up in me for much longer times, if a man could reach the sigmond colon , he knew the " super tight grip " it had on his cock head, and would try to pop it in and out, til he ejaculated, many of these men liked me just for this reason, and would comment to me things like " I need to get up in that boy-pussy of yours,so I can lock up in you and fill you with my cum" or " I need to Pop you"
Once I met the men of the "Last Man standing parties", it was really like being a berdache for a tribe, yet also allowed me to be exposed to very experience men, and quite a few very well hung men and nearly all took me privately in my berdache role, thus started to routinely ejaculate in me. Because they started seeing me alone (outside of parties)I was able to take them up in me without condoms, they could ejaculate in my mouth so I could swallow their semen and I could spend a lot of time in their company,
and say we spent a few days together, usually he would ejaculate in my mouth or bottom 3 or 4 times a day. So for 5 years seeing these men regularly, my guess is I was penetrated in my boy-pussy and ejaculated in over a 1000 times, several of the men whom where very well hung, whom could snap up in my sigmoid colon, where boning my once a week, and between three of them I was was sucking one of their's cocks nearly every day, there is well over 1000 ejaculations just orally, just between 3 of my men.

Thus in the reality of living in a tribe as a lone berdache, I think taking semen in one body daily would be very common especially amongst the single males in early adulthood, for example I had many men whom where single 20 to 25 , whom I'd give a blow-job to, several times a week, it wasn't uncommon at the end of week to had have swallowed 10-12 ejaculations, and taken 3 or 4 ejaculations up in my bottom by just 4 men combined. It wasn't I was seeing many different men, just a lot of  a certain tribe of men.

And once one of my men that was " hung " knew I liked taking them deep up in my bottom, then that they could do it without a condom, knew I wanted " bred ",,and it was common for me to call them and "beg" them to get their big cock up in me so they could    " impregnate me ", I often would say" even if I can't really get pregnate, I still want your seed in me ".

Scientists believe the shape of the penis may have evolved to help men remove the semen of love rivals during sex.

excerpt from ; Mississippian culture 

A number of cultural traits are recognized as being characteristic of the Mississippians. Although not all Mississippian peoples practiced all of the following activities, they were distinct from their ancestors in the adoption of some or all of these traits.

  1. The construction of large, truncated earthwork pyramid mounds, or platform mounds. Such mounds were usually square, rectangular, or occasionally circular. Structures (domestic houses, temples, burial buildings, or other) were usually constructed atop such mounds.
  2. Maize-based agriculture. In most places, the development of Mississippian culture coincided with the adoption of comparatively large-scale, intensive maize agriculture, which supported larger populations and craft specialization.
  3. Shell-tempered pottery. The adoption and use of riverine (or more rarely marine) shells as tempering agents in ceramics.
  4. Widespread trade networks extending as far west as the Rocky Mountains, north to the Great Lakes, south to the Gulf of Mexico, and east to the Atlantic Ocean.
  5. The development of the chiefdom or complex chiefdom level of social complexity.
  6. The development of institutionalized social inequality.
  7. A centralization of control of combined political and religious power in the hands of few or one.
  8. The beginnings of a settlement hierarchy, in which one major center (with mounds) has clear influence or control over a number of lesser communities, which may or may not possess a smaller number of mounds.
  9. The adoption of the paraphernalia of the Southeastern Ceremonial Complex (SECC), also called the Southern Cult. This is the belief system of the Mississippians as we know it. SECC items are found in Mississippian-culture sites from Wisconsin (see Aztalan State Park) to the Gulf Coast, and from Florida to Arkansas and Oklahoma. The SECC was frequently tied into ritual game-playing, as with chunkey.

   " berdache as sexual ethics teacher "

     Believe me, the 20-30 men being inexperienced about sex in general, needed guidance !

       A common thing with was he was a "virgin", or he wanted to see if he was really gay, cause he wanted a guy to fuck or

       wanted a guy to suck his cock, or wondered if he was nude with a guy whom might let him suck cock, would he want to,

      of this type group,,from my experience, not one, once giving the chance had no interest in sucking my cock, yet found           got great pleasure in having me suck their cocks so they could not be alone and have to masturbate themselves. many I       might just jack-off, when they where ready to ejaculate, I ask them if they wanted to shoot it in my mouth, thus I could           show them proper way of ejaculating in another persons mouth.

      I stressed at least for me, they'd better be well groomed,clean, tested for S.T.D's.

     If they did want to take me anally, I had to teach them to "Slow down" alot of times, as they often would get their cock up

     in me, then start acting like a "Jack hammer", and ejaculate in 30 seconds !

     We could try many positions, I always told them if they had a wife/girlfriend, she was welcome to come watch as I sucked their 

     cock or fucked me. she could try strap-on fucking me (this idea I like best because could lead to my Terrace idea of poly-triad 


      If they had another male friend they could try "double teaming " me (maybe, this friend needs to know the same ethics, I made

       that very clear, and this new friend had to use condom if he wanted to take me anally,least til I got to know him)


How common were two-spirit roles? (berdache)

Two-spirit roles were one of the most widely shared features of North American societies. They have been documented in every region of the continent, among speakers of every major language group, and in every kind of tribe, from the hunters of the arctic, to the foragers of native California, the Pueblo farmers of the Southwest, and the nomadic warrior-hunters of the Great Plains. Nonetheless, because of the catastrophic disruption experienced by so many tribes as a result of their contact with Europeans we can never know the absolute frequency of two spirit people. In my research, I have been was able to identify alternative gender roles for males in over 150 tribes in North America and comparable roles for females in about half that number.

Archaeological evidence, including burials, paintings, rock carvings, and artifacts, indicates that these roles were ancient as well as widespread. Very likely they were part of the cultures of the Asiatic people who began populating the Americas tens of thousands of years ago.

                                                                 " Berdache as Nanny / midwife"

For some reason , I think the pefect role of " berdache " is to be a member of a family , married couple both straight, yet the berdache sexually pleasures the man, whenever the man wishs. yet cares for family as a whole.

   This idea came to me, because by 2000, I was having so many men calling me and asking if I come by the "office at lunch " and          give them a blow-job, I remember one day in particular, between 11am and 1:30, I went to 4 different offices, to give blow-jobs.

If weather was good, and my carpentry job allowed, I always nearly gave one of my men a blow-job.every day at lunch ,before work, or in evening.

There where men whom's wives knew and I had to only " jack them off " and they could shoot their cum in my mouth, or maybe it was ok to fuck me if they wore a condom.

  One of biggest reason I became celibate revolves around this, and the inability to be;
                              completely open/honest regarding Non-Single men

                    And by 2005 I needed wanted the role just with a married couple,
                                             And it wasn't , I felt going to happen
                                                    So been Celibate since

                                                              Why I wrote Terrace, maybe it would work for someone

              Aspects of Masculine & Feminine 

    I have struggled so long with why sexually I want to be 100% female roled, yet don't really care if seen as masculine or feminine,

     Yet it kinda like I am a female sexual, with simply a " high need to be bred "

how the above article starts;

We are all born male and female, but we are not born masculine or feminine. We all have both masculine and feminine energies within us, yet we may not be fully aware of what these look like. As an energy healer, here is how I interpret this duality.


                      If I draw a line back and forth on this chart, for example it would be like sewing the two sides together

                   How Often Do Men Need to Have Sex?

   "Biologically male berdache were also themselves often sexually active with male tribal members, these interactions being considered something separate from normal homosexual encounters. This is because Native American sexual encounters were often split into procreative and non-procreative categories, as opposed to hetero/homosexual, and male encounters with berdache were simply seen as non-procreative (Roscoe 1998)."


Kinda of a Numbers puzzle, yet for some time , I looked at stats for percentage of population now that are so called "transgender"

                                                                          Seems to be around 1 in 200

Then I was thinking about my " tribe " of men whom I was sexually pleasuring in some way, whether takening them anally,orally or simply masturbating them.

                                                Most websites I seem to see say; married men want sex few times a week


Under-20 males are usually chock full of testosterone. Research from Alfred Kinsey onwards has shown that, on average, they have about three orgasms per week — but in some cases many more. In 2002 Germaine Greer somewhat daringly said of very young men: ‘Their semen runs like tap water’ — which is only a slight exaggeration. She also pointed out that ‘their recharge time is remarkably short’, suggesting this was something mature women might appreciate.    (here is where berdache role seems likely to shield young females)


The twentysomething male has only slightly less testosterone than his teenage self. According to Kinsey, he is still likely to have around three orgasms a week — though this may be affected by factors such as whether he is in a regular relationship or not. In general, he is less explosively-triggered than before, and can delay orgasm for quite a time. A chap in his twenties usually lasts a good deal longer than he did in his teens, so sexual congress doesn’t often terminate in an embarrassing and involuntary orgasm.


The next decade brings another small fall in male hormone levels. According to the Mayo Clinic, from 30 onwards testosterone levels decline about 1 per cent a year. The average man in his thirties is likely to have just under three orgasms a week. And he usually has much better control. Some thirtysomethings can cheerfully pleasure their partners for half an hour before ejaculation.


A small part of the pharmaceutical industry is currently trying to convince the public that there is such a thing as a ‘male menopause’ and therefore the fortysomething bloke is likely to need either testosterone supplements or Viagra-type drugs. But there is there is no male equivalent of the sudden collapse in sex hormones when a woman hits the menopause, and most men in this age group are still experiencing about two orgasms a week without any medical help. Many are extremely well-controlled in bed, and as a result they are better lovers than they have ever been in their lives.


The mean ‘score’ for men in their fifties is 1.75 climaxes a week. Only about 7 per cent of males are impotent at this stage and most are well able to satisfy their partners.


In this older group, much depends on whether a man is still fit and healthy. Most estimates put the mean number of orgasms as just under one per week, but some fellows just decide to give up altogether. Kinsey, said about 20 per cent of sexuagenarians have erectile dysfunction. On the other hand, a lusty few take pride in having sex twice a day, or occasionally more.


Reliable data is hard to find for this group of men. An increasing number have poor health, which often diminishes their sexual performance. But about 70 per cent of 70-year-old males are still potent without the help of medication. In practice, Viagra-type drugs have greatly increased the amount of sexual activity in this ‘seventh age’ and beyond. The oldest sexually active male patient we have ever seen was still having regular intercourse with his wife at 85, thanks to a combination of Viagra and mutual determination.

So Shakespeare would perhaps have been surprised to learn that four centuries after his death, there are many septuagenarians and octogenarians who regularly make what Iago called ‘the beast with two backs’.  

                                    - Sex and Relationships: the seven sexual ages of men / life.spectator.co.uk


                                        Then if my Role in the tribe was the keep the young single males sexually pleased.

                                                                     How many could I handle per day/week,

                                Yet fulfil duties of care-giver, shelter building,weeding,preparing food,gathering food,fire-wood etc.



                                                          I do know a lot of young males want it daily if possible

                                                                         I also know, once most young men,

                                                    Once he gets his cock up in my bottom, 30 sec to 1min he is ejaculating

               This is a Issue, I have never thought alot about; many young men after fucking me anally, yet have been with women,

                                                                                               have said " it feels alot better fucking your bottom then a vagina "

                                   A important Role here for me was and is documented in historical accounts of berdache,


                                                                        You don't want to damage their " male role ",

                                               for example; many of the young 20-30 year olds wanted to "compare penis size ",

                                                      They had no interest in my penis, simply might want to see myself erect,

                                                      Which is a No,No,  number 1, mine might be larger, thus might harm their ego

                                                     I wanted to pleasure them and at same time show them how to receive fellatio,

                                                                                      and use their cocks for mating,

                                                                  As though I was a  Surrogate Female

                           Actually a berdache can be defined as a →Surrogate Female

                                                          In the back of my mind I always felt I was like a Surrogate Female

                                                                                    Yet back to Numbers

                                my guess is if I was 25 in a tribe with 20 single mating age males,

                                                                   age18 to 25

                                              because they are going to ejaculate quickly,

                            They could all "bone" me through out course of day if they wished,

                     as I have on a few weekend days had sex with 10-15 men throughout course of day,

                                                        And was alot of driving time involved.


       After all my research I think the Female-roled male "berdache" is huge overlooked aspect of,

                                                                 Human Evolution_________________________________

 1. Think about in terms of; your part of a Tribe of hunter/gathers , equal number of mating age females/males (13 and above), 

     food limited, those females Can't all be getting pregnant , especially for whatever reason " You gotta be on the Move ",

      yet at same time you have a bunch of 13-20 year old horny males!

Zuni sacred history creates a cultural space for an honored, middle third gender, which the Zunis call lhamana. Roscoe 1991 summarizes this cultural space, writing that lhamana enjoy "a certain place in the community, the support of their families, appropriate education and training, adult role models, mythological precedents, and the possibility of achieving prestige and respect" (32). These mythological precedents are the highly-respected and dual-gendered kachina Kolhamana and creator Awonawilona and its transformation into male Sun Father. Additionally, the Zuni respect for 'middle' as embodied by the search for itiwana in the origin myth provides a functional role for lhamana of bridging and balancing the social differences between men and women.

The Vedas (c. 1500 BC–500 BC) describe individuals as belonging to one of three categories, according to one’s nature or prakrti. These are also spelled out in the Kama Sutra (c. 4th century AD) and elsewhere as pums-prakrti (male-nature), stri-prakrti (female-nature), and tritiya-prakrti (third-nature). Texts suggest that third sex individuals were well known in premodern India and included male-bodied or female-bodied people as well as intersexuals, and that they can often be recognised from childhood.2

Even Sanskrit has three grammatical genders which are believed to have been derived from the natural three genders. The two great Sanskrit epic poems, the Ramayana and the Mahabharata also indicate the same. Same evidence can be found in early Tamil as well which had a third “neuter” gender. In the Buddhist Vinaya, codified in its present form around the 2nd century BC and said to be handed down by oral tradition from Buddha himself, there are four main sex/gender categories: males, females, ubhatobyanjanaka (people of a dual sexual nature) and pandaka (people of non-normative sexual natures, perhaps originally denoting a deficiency in male sexual capacity).3

Contrary to what is often portrayed in the West, sex with male (specifically receptive oral and anal sex) was the gender role of the third gender, not their defining feature. Thus, in ancient India, as in present day India, the society made a distinction between a third gender having sex with a man, and a man having sex with a man. The latter may have been viewed negatively, but he would be seen very much as a man (in modern western context, as ‘straight’), not a third gender (in modern western context ‘gay’).4
                                                                                                                                 - The Third Gender: It’s a start/.lawctopus.com


  It is of interest to myself, the termthird “neuter” gender " , as in psychologically being                                                                                       "Neutered",
                                           as this is what I under went in away I believe,
                                at age 13, not so much after performing fellatio on my friends,
                                yet when they started penetrating me anally and ejaculating,

                  It was a over whelming psychological event that took place in the "Form " of ;

           " My Role is Set ", and that role meant sexually female like,"the one to be bred",
           With this came a strong "ethics " idea of ;" I have no right to breed with females "
                        And if I had grown up in a culture which accepted me as Third-gender,

                                Female Roled male , I most likely would of play the role similar to the role I took in 1998,

                                                As a 100% sexually receptive male , sexually 100% femininized, female surragote


The Process of Enculturation
Chapter Overview

Psychological anthropologists attempt to understand similarities and differences in behavior, thought, and feelings among societies by focusing on the relationship between the individual and culture, or the process of enculturation. The question of biological tendencies versus learning as to behavior is studied.

The question of instincts is also presented here. While many non-human animals have closed instincts humans seem to have a unique capacity for culture. Without enculturation, humans are unable to think, behave, and develop emotionally in order to function in society. Early studies of culture and personality by Ruth Benedict and Margaret Mead provided some important data on enculturation processes but exaggerated the significance of cultural determinants of human behavior. These efforts did lead to a more systematic study of enculturation and childhood training.

Sigmund Freud had an influence on psychological anthropology. Many psychological anthropologists have used his model of enculturation and personality development to investigate human behavior. Dreams, sexual fantasies, family relations, and topics such as incest and the incest taboo have been heavily studied. Further studies of sexual practices and norms has shown us various patterns of homosexuality, the acceptance of a third gender by many groups and how enculturation influences the sex drive in human communities.

For myself, I think due to very early childhood enculturation as a passive male, being " taken " by my friends as a " girly-boyfriend ", thus femininizing me , though they clearly wanted me strictly for sexual purposes, I very much liked the role , felt very good when they where using me for their sexually pleasure, thus by them " Taking my virginity ", and myself " accepting ",

            I have since, very much only desired the receptive / female role sexually, other then a the few female partners I've had which I was in male penetrating role,which I felt " un-natural " in being in that role, being in female role seems " very natural",

                                                 And in my sexually active years(1998-2005) as " berdache ", the only men whom I would see,

                     had to describe themselves as ; 100% top Str8 men, whom had never been in receptive role 

                                                    This had to play a huge role in the fact I never contracted any STD's

                                                    There are a lot  Str8 men whom will see a male like me then is known!

                                                                     examples ; 


"The majority of straight men who are going to a glory hole are going because they don’t   want to see who is on the other side. It is about just getting off.

    Is it that easy to find another girl who is just willing to give a blow job and say nothing       more? Guys know what other guys are like. Guys just want to (get off). It sounds               harsh, but it’s true."  - The reason why straight men are having sex with other men, according to a sexologist


                  Alot of men would tell me, they liked it that could call me, and just get a "good blow-job ", 

                                        The "Bro Job": Why "straight" men have sex with each other


A non-homosexual gesture performed on a person of the same sex that is a friend as a favor.- urbandictionary.com

  "The men I had sex with are friends that let me suck theirs cocks or would " boned " me cause they simply liked! "
                                                                  And I liked !, very, very simple!

                                                                     No body was doing Favors,

                                                                        A mutual like and need

                                                            yet I was the one getting their Semen

                 This represents how much in the Dark Ages we are concerning sex


excerpt from  

 Freud recognised homosexuality in people whose efficiency is unimpaired, and who are, indeed, distinguished by specially high intellectual development and ethical culture such as Plato, Michelangelo, and Leonardo da Vinci (Freud, 1905, 1935). He believed homoeroticism was not eo ipso a pathological condition, stating, “I am of the firm conviction that homosexuals must not be treated as sick people… wouldn’t that oblige us to characterize as sick many great thinkers and scholars whom we admire precisely because of their mental health?” (quoted in Lewes, 1988, p. 32). His resistance of pathological interpretation of homoeroticism is evident in the Dutch psychoanalytic association’s inquiry about whether a homosexual man should be admitted to psychoanalytic training. Freud declared, “We cannot exclude such persons without other sufficient reasons, as we cannot agree with their legal persecution… a decision should depend upon other qualities of the candidate” (quoted in Abelove, 1986, p. 60). 



The five possible answers were: Top 100%; Mostly Top; Versatile 50/50; Mostly Bottom; and Bottom 100%.

 Below Average  Average Above Average

Top      29.2%    30.7%    41.6%   (most of my men where above average, though not gay)

Versatile   31.9%   40.5%    37.8%

Bottom     38.9%     28.8%    20.6%

Total      100%     100%     100%

  The berdache as part of a self-organizing living group of people

                                          Divergent thinking key element in evolutionary creativity

One could also call the berdache the " Divergent one " yet a essential element in all adaptive evolving organism

Adaptive radiation is divergence or change in phenotype according to habitat. When organism leaves original niche and enter another (multiple) niche of different environments it undergoes changes to suit the new environment this is adaptive radiation.

Key Difference – Adaptive Radiation vs Divergent Evolution

Adaptive radiation and divergent evolution are two processes related to speciation and evolution. Both these processes involve diversification of a species from a common ancestor. Adaptive radiation is the diversification of a species into different forms in order to adapt to different environmental conditions for their survival. Divergent evolution is the accumulation of differences between groups of organisms that lead to the creation of new, different varieties of species. This is the key difference between - differencebetween.com


                                           The " berdache's role with the Females

there are 2 males I very much relate with in above image

From my life experience the role with females is almost " sacred ", in that a need to be very defined as though very close bond, yet also very defined as Platonic (of love or friendship) intimate and affectionate but not sexual.

                                 For myself, it as always been a strong urge, need that females I am in company of to know ;

                                 that I am 100% female sexually roled, and my sexual orientation is "berdache with male "

             Concerning the " berdache" in the anthropological studies of Native American cultures ; Ruth Benedict writes;

             First we have to to remember , Albert Einstein proclaimed the Cultures of the Pueblos of New Mexico, maybe the

             most adapted form of human harmony he had ever read of after reading "Patterns of Culture" by Ruth Benedict.


             " The clinical picture of homosexuality stresses the neuroses and psychoses to which it gives rise, and emphasizes              almost equally the inadequate functioning of the invert and his behaviour.

              We have only to turn to other cultures, however to realize that homosexuals have by no means been uniformly inadequate

                            to the social situation. They have not always failed to function. In some societies they have even been                                                                                                          especially acclaimed.

             Plato's Republic is ,of course, the most convincing statement of the honourable estate of homosexuality. It is presented as a

             major means to the good life, and Plato's high ethical evaluation of this response was upheld in the customary behaviour

             of Greece at that period.

             The American Indians do not make Plato's high moral claims for homosexuality, but homosexuals are often regarded as

             exceptional able. In most North America there exists the institution of berdache , as the French called them.

                                                    These men-women were men who at puberty or there after took the dress,

                                                    and occupation of women. Sometimes married other men and lived with them.

             Sometimes they were men with no inversion, persons of weak sexual endowment who chose this role to avoid the;

                                                                                 jeers of the women.

             The berdache were never regarded as of first rate supernatural power , as similar men-women of Siberia, but rather as

             as leaders in women's occupations, good healers in certain diseases,or, among certain tribes , as the genial organizers

             of social affairs." - Ruth Benedict / Patterns of Culture pages 262-263


Reading about the berdache for the first time ,by way of " Patterns of Culture " in 1996, it was a overwhelming relief to find out, that in history there where males like myself, that actually lived in the female role.

   And like myself , take me sexually "Lady-like" at least in role.

What was such a big deal to myself ,it helped me not to feel ashamed , because I knew I needed to be taken by a real  man sexually I had really started longing to be in my girly-boyfriend role,dreaming of having his cock up in me again like when was  emasculated and lost my virginity when 13. Yet I very shy about how to actually meet a Str8 man , then , I didn't know how to to explain my dilemma of desiring the role as berdache. Actually it was nice that I had a girlfriend, that was supportive when I explained to her that I needed to be in my "berdache" role, it helped that she had been cuckolding me with a man she liked sexually, so she wasn't surprised, and even suggested asking her friend if he might let me suck his cock while she watched.

  Yet that was to complicated it seemed, and I needed to separate myself sexual from her, and venture my own way.

My definition of berdache;

                                              Is a male whom seeks / desires to be sexually bred by a male, and wishs at least in part ,outwardly

                                              socially project a image of being feminine by means of dressing, in my case, a strong desire to appear

                                              female like genitally by having a vulva, instead of a penis, thus physically 100% emasculating me.

                                              Symbolically showing my 100% my complete commitment to passive/receptive female role.

                                              Berdache in my definition does not mean a male whom wishs to pass as a female, proclaim they are 

                                              female, the berdache proclaims, " I am part male part female with desire for female role sexually and                                                     socially psychologically and in actions work etc."

                                              In the way I dress,the style, I very much wish to publicly project that I am a berdache type person, for                                                     simple identity reasons , to convey to a male that I might be sexually receptive for breeding in the role

                                              of female only (I don't want a male to be interested in me as a male).


If one studies the Free Will topic, and how I see it, I had no power in the selection process of my " Want " of to be a female roled male

 Granted upon being presented with the opportunities at a early age by other males to take the role of female sexually, I by desire;

                                             or maybe curiousity took the role, yet once taking the role, and very much liking the role,

                                             my virginity being taken by a male, I believe that sexually feminized me,at least sexually.

                                                 Thus by being impregnated anally by my male friends, taking their semen into my body

                                                 it in essense → psychologically emasculated me.

                                              Then in 1998 after much self-inquiry, I was ready for complete commitment to the female sexual

                                              role as a adult, soon after beginning to model nude for art classes, a male asked me if I liked the

                                              female role in " sexual terms ", due to my liking him, his politeness in the way he asked me, I did                                               shy like , reply " yes I like the female role ", we where alone in private , so with no further words,

                                             he unzipped his pants, as I went to my knees, soon his penis was there for me , once my lips                                                      where around it, I knew this was my role, once he ejaculated in my mouth for me to swallow his 

                                            semen, this reinforced my desire. He then told me " tommorrow ,I would like you ready, and I                                                      would like to take you anally ". 

                                              When tommorrow came, and my friend had taken me anally,fully ejaculated up in me;

                                                                           It was a very great moment, in that I knew I then was,

                                                                           finally as a adult , I was 100% psychologically emasculated ;

                                                                                                As though a "Rites of Passage "

                                                  And since I have never thought of being in any other Role except the passive/receptive role.


   berdache's role of protecting a Man's masculinity from dishonor  

                                     Like in Greece 400 bc, men (straight men) were not to take passive / receptive role

                                  I believe that the berdache role is to maintain a man's masculinity to the highest degree.

                                                  Myself being 100% femininized and psychologically emasculated sexually.

                                         I know from experience the psychological consequences of being femininized,

                                                     and that a heterosexual man's self image is at stake.

                                      I think this is a very important aspect of, the importance of defining my role

                                      to my male sexual partner , say by wearing garter/thigh highs, padded bra, etc.

                                                                  thus it becomes important to me as well,

                             I want to look "feminine" for him, and it makes me feel better that he likes me feminine,

                    The most important thing for myself is to put him at ease,so he can attain the highest pleasure,

                                                                           as he is having sex with me.

                                                    He gives me pleasure by helping me feel Feminine.


                                                                             A very important thing to note is;

                                               I myself have no desire to make-out, kiss, hold hands etc. like a traditional

                                                      heterosexual male/female couple, nore did the men I had sex with.

                                        If a man showed interest of wanting to suck my penis or wanted me to "bone" him,

                                                                I would tell him , I am not the right type person for him

                                                      My Men where seeing me either to get a blow-job or to "bone me"

                                                             This is a tough part of being a berdache type, a paradox

                   as you see hetersexual men whom are married or single yet will ultimately find a girl friend or have a girlfriend,

                                                                           and berdaches don't date berdaches.

                       Only exception I would consider would be a "shemale " type person who could take the male role with me.


If this person told me they could take the male role, I would date them

I am fairly certain, even though I identify myself as "shemale ", 

      at least physically,in my current state, yet psychologically

      I am 100% emasculated, and if I felt vulvoplasty surgery

     suited my expectations at it's current technological state,

         I would by all means get physically emasculated,by

          having my penis replaced with female like vulva.

                                   For example;

               I don't like anyone even touching my penis.

                       Thus I am unable to use it sexually,

                     Thus if I dated the person to the right

           They would have to imagine,know that I can't be in male

                  role sexually in any way,shape or form

      I could be them if they could let me be 100% in the female role, 

      as I would not be able to bone them, or let them suck my penis.

                   At least for myself, by losing my virginity in the

                         female role at age 13, highly emasculated,

                    femininized me, and by continuing to have the

                            need/desire to be back in that role,

                       All it took then at age 36 was for the right man

                       to offer me the chance to be back in that role.

                          Difference at 36 , is I'd been with plenty of

                     women in the male role, thus in short order of 

                   having a man's cock up in me again ejaculating,

                     The moment he had finished climaxing in me ,

                 I knew I was 100%  psychologically emasculated,

                       I could compare male role verse female role,

                                and there was no Question!

                           I so much wanted the Female role!

                                  and even more so now.




As Ruth Benedict called it " institution of berdache ", it doesn't fit into mainstream thought of "gay" life style ,because it isn't

For example;  I am not in least bit attracted to gay porn, two men having sex both with erections, both being in both roles, this does not appeal to me in the least, to a degree it is a turn-off. I am not saying it bad etc. it's just not my role, it isn't my "thing".

 My like in porn, is seeing a sexy man with a female, cause I identify with / as the female in her role.

Just because I have a penis, doesn't mean psychologically I not female, cause I really am,I can feel just as feminine as her above and want to

                                                                                    Concerning Porn                                     

                                             I have no Idea what most men think, yet I know when I see the image above ,

    I only want to be " Her " , imagine being her,want to have him in me like her ,want to be the lady in the door way watching waiting                                                  hoping I can ride his cock next and way it been since I can remember.