MichaelEmeryArt

The differences between the Transgender and the Gay/Lesbian experience.

                    I think as Human beings, first we have to realize Sex and Love are to completely different things.

                                Just as Nudity and Sex are not related (I proved that by being a Artist model for so many years) ; 

                                                             both above Huge damaging " Social Constructs "

                                                         I believe in it's basic essense Sex is for simply procreation

                                                                            other then that, it makes no sense!

                                                                                      except for pleasure
                                                                                         
                                          or means of securing a mate for means of living / survival / companionship,

                                                 The Gay male can be either the " breeder " the " bred " or both, 
                          
                                                    Some have " Homosexual " sex simply for physical pleasure.
                                                                    Some  like romantic love aspect of sex 

                                                                           Both I personally don't relate to

                                                  " There’s a fundamental assumption a lot of us make about sex
                        that often causes a lot of skewed perceptions about why we’re not getting the sex/love we want."


             "Men have a tendency to make the assumption that sex itself is a need, regardless of who (or what) it comes from. 
              Women have a tendency to assume that sex can only be a form of intimacy/love. Both of these are wrong,
                                      and they both get a lot of people into trouble in their relationships."  

                                          Sex is a strategy we use to meet our psychological needs and not a need itself.


  

                            The idea of sex as a strategy to meet psychological needs sounds weird to many because sex,

                                                           is also a physiological drive, like eating or sleeping.

                        But unlike eating or sleeping, you can go your whole life without sex and not be any worse off for it.

               The fact is, as humans, we’ve actually evolved to use sex to meet our psychological needs, not our physical needs.


Humans have evolved a psychological system of emotional attachment. Totally involuntary yet universal, regardless of culture, age or race, we get deeply and strongly emotionally attached to one another throughout our lives. It starts with a child to its parents. And assuming our parents don’t fuck it up too much, that attachment moves beyond our parents and onto some (not all) of our sexual partners. The rise in oxytocin, serotonin, drop in testosterone levels, decreased prefrontal cortex activity — these processes are designed to get us drunk on love with each other long enough to at least raise a highly functioning, healthy child or two (or ten).


And so while sex is absolutely a physiological function, and in some ways, it’s no different than eating or crapping, evolution has intertwined our drive for sex (note: a drive, not a need) with our psychological needs for esteem and connection. They’re intimately linked. And they can’t be unlinked. Even if one manages to suppress those needs, they come roaring back in the forms of neediness and overcompensation.


Nature has cleverly wired us this way — to put our psychological needs first and then use sex to fulfill them in order to trick us into sticking around and taking care of one another. Sure, we may still try to get a little sumthin’ sumthin’ on the side now and again. And sure, when we break up and feel crappy, we may go on a little sex spree to feel good about ourselves


                                                                                                                                                      -markmanson.net

                            So for myself, I simply realize, I have no desire when with a male for physical pleasure, (or female)
                                                     (I could care less if I have a orgasm, I can do that on my own ! )

                                        Yet even though I can't get pregnate, I still have that great desire to be impregnated
                                  
                                                     Thus for myself, there is no greater psychological pleasure ;

                                             then to have a man whom I trust,like etc. to be ejaculating up inside me !

                                             If this doesn't occur Sex is very incomplete! other making me feel Feminine;
                          
                                                                           And the pleasure from pleasuring him.

          Back to above," being a artist model ", most classes where much higher in percentage female, so I felt kinda, like I was with;
                                                         " My own gender in a way " I had no sexual arousal feelings ever, 
                       
                                                                       Yet say I walked in class full of sexy black males, 

                                                                     I'd have a hard time, not asking them all for a date ;

                                                                  Saying to them " I am a Fem-male, who needs fucked"

                                                                                        Treat me like a " Lady "

                Reason it has been always important to tell men  " I wish I at least had a - Vagina -, to symbolize how feminine I feel "

        and in reality if I where to have a surgery it is for Symbolic purpose only, cause I know I can't get pregnant, and by;

                                                    taking a man's semen anally fulfills the " Feminine symbolic need "

                                                                                    The Need to feel " Lady like "

     I believe at this Time in history a person like myself, is very,very limited in actually finding a Straight-male, whom would ,
 
                                                                          wish to take them as a permanent " mate "

                                                       Why I conceived Idea of " Terrace" as one realistic option or ;

                                                   "Indigo club" in essence a modern day " berdache "in this context ;

                          The term berdache originates from the Arabic word bardaj (“slave” or “kept boy”).- britannica.com

                                                              In my term; " Slutboy ", which men called me, and I liked,

                          The Indigo club, simply making having sex with many Straight men very selective and safe as possible.

                                                                  And in reality I'd love to sexually pleasure 10-20 men a day

                                                                           but rather be in relationship like " Terrace " portrays


            This is my  take on Difference between Transgender and Gay , I know the " Broke back mountain " model doesn't fit me, 

                                        Yet I'm sure there are many individual self concepts of being gay and being transgender

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                         I do know and always have not Like the term " GAY " to even be used to describe homosexuality

                                                                           Another Societial Construct, ;

                                                              How ‘Gay’ Came to Mean ‘Homosexual’

          excerpt from  ;    By 1955, the word gay now officially acquired the new added definition of meaning homosexual males.  Gay men themselves seem to have been behind the driving thrust for this new definition as they felt (and many still do), that “homosexual” is much too clinical, sounding like a disorder.  As such, it was common amongst the gay community to refer to one another as “gay” decades before this was a commonly known definition (reportedly homosexual men were calling one another gay as early as the 1920s).  At this time, homosexual women were referred to as lesbians, not gay.  Although women could still be called gay if they were prostitutes as that meaning had not yet 100% disappeared.

                                                                   What's Gay sound like , a better disorder ?

However, around the early parts of the 17th century, the word began to be associated with immorality.  By the mid 17th century, according to an Oxford dictionary definition at the time, the meaning of the word had changed to mean  “addicted to pleasures and dissipations.  Often euphemistically: Of loose and immoral life”.  This is an extension of one of the original meanings of “carefree”, meaning more or less uninhibited.

                                                                 Did the Gay men know of this word use 




                        Men whom are attracted to other Men sexually, neither wanting to be " Female like "

                                                                                 my thought


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  I am certainly " Homosexual " in that it's the "Act it takes";

                                 to be Female like, and be impregnated,

                                          It's very much Like a Role

A quote I found (how some females explains it );

"I love for my bf to cum inside me, deep inside me. There’s much more to it than he’s simply cumming in me. He is inseminating me by pumping my womb full of his potent seed with just by birth control preventing my impregnation. He’s putting a part of himself deep inside me that is mine to keep, and I will have the satisfaction of knowing I’m carrying it in me well afterward. Plus, I can feel when it’s happening and know that I’m taking rope after rope of his sperm in me."- quora.com

"If I am making love with a man, yes, I want him to ejaculate inside me; preferably my vagina or botty - mouth not so much, but that's still better than him pulling away and dribbling it on me.
maybe I'm just hard-wired genetically from my ancestors, but for me, receiving semen is such an integral part of lovemaking. I love to feel it inside and although admittedly most of it eventually ends up either on a tissue or making "the wet spot" I somehow feel incomplete if it's not there."

" I don’t know about most women but I love to have guys ejaculate in my vagina. I love the feeling when they get close and start to lose control, when they start to pound me really hard and then fall over the edge and release themselves into me, gasping and shuddering and groaning. I love the feeling of taking their cum deep inside me, of them releasing their load in my deep innermost being.

That said, I’m very careful about who I let cum inside me. I only do it with a guy I really trust and have known a long time, that has had a vasectomy and has a current STD test. I save it as a treat for a special guy and occasion. I usually have a guy cum in my mouth because it’s safer (both pregnancy and STD wise) and because I love giving head so much".


I feel no differently then these Ladies above ↑




        ( Orally or Anally ) for myself, this is my objective in the most basic form, I don't want a man whom as to use a condom, as I want his Semen in me.Sure if I can say ; just make a man feel pleasure that is a good thing,(say by hand-job,or taking his penis anally with condom) and makes me feel " Feminine ", yet if the encounter ended without myself having taken his semen in me, it was incomplete.


I’m transgender female or as I call it a Female roled male, I’ve always felt that the most defining aspect of being “ female roled was the fact that I have always had a huge desire to be impregnated by a man.thus the huge desire to have a vagina.

So the big difference between myself and a male whom identifies as " gay " can only be "desire to be impregnated by a man.thus the huge desire to have a vagina, be transsexual, believe me,if I could find a wizard whom could turn me into a lady whom could get pregnant , that's my request!.

I think many Transgender people are afraid to openly say this, as society will really think we are Crazy!-

I know it is not defining of me, if some think I am homosexual as to me it isn't being homosexual, it is being a Female spirited person having sex as I best can in a man's body.

I agree it's Fucked up!,,try be me...taken nearly a life time to accept it myself!

   I wish I could be in room full of beautiful women -and- have the desire to impregnate                them as a man would, the desire just ain't there! my desire would be in a room full                    beautiful men, and they impregnate me!...and that is Natural to Me. why I consider my              self a " Female-roled male "

Some Transgender women must feel similar to my self ;

“If you’re a trans woman, this is a way of completing the dream,” she said. “Looking like a woman, feeling like a woman, and being able to bear a child like a woman. The whole notion of being like anyone else who wants to carry a baby — the opportunity for that is blowing people’s minds, in a good way.” - With womb transplants a reality, transgender women dare to dream of pregnancies

I personally don't think of the pregnancy urge, yet it is there (in large part, due to I have enough problems,don't need another !..so wash it from thought) ;

 Compared to ; "Taking the Female Role" sexually, wanting very much to feel "Feminine " as possible can.
                                                                                      &
                                                                         Female Vagina

                                       Do most Gay men wish to have a Female Vagina ?



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excerpt from above ;

So, where do we stand on transgender issues? Science tells us that gender is certainly not binary; it may not even be a linear spectrum. Like many other facets of identity, it can operate on a broad range of levels and operate outside of many definitions. And it also appears that gender may not be as static as we assume. At the forefront of this, transgender identity is complex – it’s unlikely we’ll ever be able to attribute it to one neat, contained set of causes, and there is still much to be learned. But we know now that several of those causes are biological. These individuals are not suffering a mental illness, or capriciously “choosing” a different identity. The transgender identity is multi-dimensional – but it deserves no less recognition or respect than any other facet of humankind.

Katherine Wu is a third-year graduate student in the BBS program at Harvard University.


I recently overheard someone comment to her friend about a gay male couple walking ahead of them on the sidewalk. The girl said, “Who do you think is the girl in the relationship?” I couldn’t help but frown at the girl and shake my head. As clear as you would think it is to see, I’ll spell it out for you: neither of them are the girl. They’re both boys.

Not to say that traditional ideas of gender roles don’t play a part in a gay relationship, but they’re a little more diluted, I would say. A gay man may show effeminate qualities, but that doesn’t make him the “woman” of the relationship. Just like the muscled, bearded gay man doesn’t have to be the “man” of the relationship.-redandblack.com /Great Sexpectations: What about gender roles in same-sex relationships?

,

      For myself and technically I am homosexual ,yet in above  scenario, I am homosexual,the other male isn't, ;                                                    and I am 100%    The female, and my desire is to be very female like


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This Whole Topic so Complex

My research has lead me to believe that the whole naming thing as caused so much confusion, that simply stating one's Role is all that can be done . Thus for myself ,,,if asked I'd have to say .." I am 100% female roled male ", and maybe jokingly say " I should of been a female , meaning I want bred like a female "

From my experience Gay males ultimately desire a male similar to themselves, that identifies as male, don't wish to appear                        female like

  Transgender desire to appear / be like opposite sex- like myself, I've always wanted to be like a female,sexually and appearance          mainly by having vagina ,get pregnant,  I think in large part due to fact I only desire to have sex as a female.

      - I think gender dysphoria is part of being Transgender, where as not with being gay.
      - I think feeling psychological Feminine is part of being Transgender, where as I think most gay men are quite content feeling like            a male , example might be " A Transfeminine or Female roled male as I am,, is not going to want to appear masculine in any                 way". Another example might be or contrast it might be ; When I would see men sexually, I dressed in feminine ways, I did not             wish my male to ever even touch my penis , he had to be in 100% male role. and would never show interest in performing                  fellatio on me, That is my role!,   Where gay males, role didn't seem to matter in such a strict way. For myself if a male told me            he is was straight,... arrived to meet me, then wanted to perform fellatio on me,,That is a big insult to me...a No, No !
      - In all reality I identify with M to F transsexuals, and would have the surgery of vaginoplasty and breast implants done if not so               complex a thing it where. I don't see this a interest of homosexual gay males.
      - A transgender person may be attracted to person of the sex they identify with; example I might be attracted to females, for                     example I could perform Cunnilingus on a female, don't seek to yet could if context/content correct.

                      Thus the Only really defining or unique trait I have verse a gay male might be a great desire to feel like a                               female, appear very feminine, a great desire for a man to tell me I should of been a female 

       - Another example might be; On my " Indigo Club " page , I wrote of the " Last Man Standing " parties ", where myself dressed              fully as a Fem-male/transgender-female roled male, and a number of female strippers, would be penetrated by men identifying            as Straight males......Scenario I was thinking of would be , If I had not attended, been penetrated by the men the party theme,              meaning etc, would of remained the same, the girls would still be just as essential, with or without me. How ever if the girls                  where replaced with gay males, the party, for this Straight males could not happen,,I ask the men " what if I described myself as          gay?", every guy told me " you would of never been allowed here ", asking why ? the common response was " Gay men,                 need to know to just be with Gay men ",  asking why am I different ? , common response was " you clearly are conveying that            you want to be like a Lady, your only role is the female role, and your great desire to be impregnated like you where female ."

                        Thus in the eyes of most of those Straight men,  the difference was - transgender is ;
                                     " showing,relaying desire to be in the role of female as best I could be "

        - Another example ; I spent a lot of talking to most men, prior to actually meeting them, at least on my part conveying my desire                                           was to be treated like a Lady, that I only wish to meet Straight males, whom hopefully would like a Fem-male                                         person like myself, and start seeing me in that role. If they said yes they where Str8. and they wished to                                                 meet, We would say meet at public place, talk, if that went well, (I felt they where honest, they where clean                                           etc.). I most often would ask them if I could give them a blow-job, if daylight we might get in his car, drive to                                           private spot, or ride around , I'd soon have his cock in my mouth, it's hard to explain, yet soon learned if they                                         had been honest , I think it is a mixture of - A straight male is good getting sucked on, and likes it. is good at                                         telling you to suck it, asking you how much you like it,especially if he is big , and they are going to maintain                                           their own gender identity as well as can be, like example a guy might ask me as I suck " how you like that                                             big cock femboy?", or " you been needing a big load of cum to swallow ? " etc. It was good they did, as it                                              was in my mind defining our roles.  I spent years in similar scenarios, if for example this male and I jived and                                        set another date - he swore he was safe, I might ask him if he'd fuck me like I was a lady, he might agree                                              which was great, or might say no I just want a blow-job now and then, either way was right, however when it                                          came to fucking me, many guys might say something like " I it's a bit too gay I can't ",  or  " it's a bit gay, yet I                                        know you need to be so I will " Nearly all offered to wear a condom, and was only way they would, yet if a                                             guy had fucked me quite a few times already, I often could talk him into ejaculating up in. 
                                             I was running on gut feeling,and hope, fact I here to write this, a bit of luck..but my advice is being honest                                        about one's Role, yet that true in all life.

           - Another defining issue which -gay males- have verse a good many transgender people is - Anonymity - a male can be                                                                          gay in a very non- transparent way, not by appearance, but by not clearly -                                                                               defining their role, why I had to define mine, expected the same, At that time                                                                          there were many males whom didn't really know their role, where exploring,                                                                            mine was very clear to me, hard part was safely being in it!.    
                                                      
                        " And a big defining known to me was, I didn't want to have sex with someone that was like me "

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For myself I like the saying;

                                                                 " Spiriit of a Woman ,Body of a Man "

      Third Genders: New Concept? Or Old?

In nearly all of human history and, in particular, human culture, we have recognized and integrated at least two genders. For most societies, this means labeling two sexes (male/female) and two genders (man/woman) with the ideas of transsexualism and homosexuality being their own separate sect as novel and unprecedented, however cases of a “third gender” are well documented in multiple societies.

T

  1. In indigenous Hawaii, before its colonization, there was a long standing multiple gender tradition, where the mahu could be a male or female biologically, but decide to inhabit a gender role either opposite theirs, somewhere in between the traditional sex roles, or even both masculine and feminine roles. Instead of being written off as outcasts, as persons of atypical gender identities often are today, these mahu were revered in their social roles as sacred educators of ancient traditions
  2. In ancient Incan culture, the Incas worshipped a “dual gendered god” known as chuqui chinchay, who could only be attended and honored by third gender shamans or servants who wore androgynous clothing as “a visible sign of a third space that negotiated between the masculine and the feminine, the present and the past, the living and the dead.”
  3. Among the Sakalavas of Madagascar, there is a third gender group reserved especially for little boys thought to have a feminine appearance and personality. These boys, rather than labeled as “gay men” after maturing and experiencing the upbringing of a male, are instead raised by their parents as girls from a young age.

Though many of these societies may refer to transsexuals or homosexuals as a third or separate gender, most of the time, these extra genders represent individuals who identify neither as men nor women. To most of these cultures, this means that the third gender symbolizes the intermediate condition between the genders or a state of being both. (This is often described as the “spirit of a man in a woman’s body” and vice versa.) In layman’s terms, this means that individuals included in this third gender either have no gender affiliation, have the ability to cross or swap between genders, or are a gender category all together independent of the traditional male and female roles.

here are an overwhelming amount of examples of another or “third gender” in cultures in the past:


                                                                                                                                - psu.edu/evolutionofhumansexuality

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    As far myself, my feeling,,in very simple way- " spirit of a woman in a man's body " describes myself - me
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History of penetrative sex reveals unexpected reversal in evolution

Excerpt from " Human Condition 817 "

    "Prostitution is said to be the oldest profession the world has known, it is one of the amenities implemented to satisfy man’s sexual appetite. The woman has been patient and tolerant throughout history, she has kept house and gave birth to babies, she has observed how man’s ego and aggression hinders and blindfolds his better judgment, but hoped that man the self proclaimed leader of the human condition would recognize how instrumental her contribution could be to the destiny of the human family, but man’s egotistical instinct dominates his judgment and chaos always ensues. Now in recognition of this her perception of a flawed personality in man, woman demanded that her voice be heard and her status be acknowledged, she determined to have a say as to who the leader of the pack should be, she no longer settled to be man’s secretary or “gofer” because man said she should, she claims her status in society because she is qualified to, recognition has to be given to her academic scholarship which determine that she could do so much more, and her natural maternal tendency in the work environment propelled her to decision making status.

    Man’s resistance was obviously expected, but the woman’s fangs were already embedded into the throat of the system and her influence on the family structure generally all coupled towards the evolution/revolution of the woman. Her evolution was cunning and quick, she has flooded the workplace, in a lot of areas she has replaced the man by first selling her services cheaper than her male counterpart, and now that her foot is in the door she has upped her price and status. She is  mapping her new landscape in the annals of history. But the male habit dies hard, his ego is finding difficulty wrapping itself around this budding new world order. The era when superiority was his and subservience was hers is fading into the cesspool of history, it is difficult for him to accept she is no longer a vessel to be used only for his pleasure, she now stands in defiance exclaiming; “Your man power is diminished through a weakness, your sexual deviance! you dare not touch me anymore if I don’t want you to”.

     

longer subjected to your victimization, I, woman am worthy of honor and respect that you have been blinded to by your self-righteousness, recognize! I am woman”.

    The world has now entered the era of, “the house mom”  as a male and “the breadwinner” as female: The division of labor is changing hands. Husbands speak of their wives pregnancy now as “we are pregnant” rather than “she is pregnant” as it used to be. Now old wounds that haunted the memory of the woman through the victimization by man erupt under the scabs of time challenging the system that perpetuated her degradation. But the male when accused, quietly, secretly wondered what was he expected to do in the face of what he perceives to be sexual temptation from the woman, but because the moral lid adopted by society restricts him from speaking his truths bravely and clearly, he utters under his breath, “Your very presence in my space is persuasive! I am trapped in this state of visual attraction, and as you compete for recognition you achieve your intention, my attention! The scent of a woman is like honey to a bee, to me! woman, how can I contain this desire that entraps like a vise grip on my imagination, how do I make you understand that your nakedness even partially ignites a fire in me that only you can quench! Until then it burns forever. In this existence that we share our roles seem to be defined perfectly, you the persuader and me the pursuer. It is no accident that the contours of your body with it’s curves and valleys were designed specifically for my persuasion, and my perpetual pursuit of you is sponsored by this seed I carry in my being that harbors a desire to germinate.  ‘Go forth multiply and replenish the earth,’ is written and if these words were written into the DNA of the human condition by a principle beyond my control, I, Man, maybe at the mercy of this order.”

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Excerpts from ; " Historically, Native American Tribes Thought Gays Were Great!

According to Young–a bespectacled 51-year-old Brooklynite–Two-Spirit refers to “third gender individuals who function in culture as ‘bridge people,’ or someone who and ‘walks betweens’ male and female worlds.”




While Two-Spirited people did and do have sexual relations with members of their own sex, Young is quick to offer a broader perspective. “It would be a mistake to characterize these individuals solely by virtue of their sexuality, though it was often a facet of their social existence. These individuals were seen as mediators, healers, shamans, teachers, culture-carriers, and counselors. Sexual relations would happen in the shamanist tradition of ‘gifting’ such a person. But the important idea is that the social distinction was a part of a larger social role, and the sexuality was a small, albeit important, part of the picture.”

   

He compares Two-Spirit traditions with those of ancient Greece, where “men had women for the purpose of procreation and had berdache lovers for love or spiritual reasons. In many cultures which considered sexual intercourse a method of communication with their god or gods, same-sex-identified men served as sacred whores, as did heterosexual women. Many of the Great Plains chiefs were known to have berdache ‘wives,’ for example, and berdache were often brought along on hunting and warring parties because they were considered to lend a certain dignity and good blessing on the proceedings.

“There were both male and female Two-Spirits, the men usually taking on the social roles of women and the women generally taking on the social roles of men, including having wives and serving as warriors.” Young adds that berdache warriors were often known to be “among the strongest fighters in some tribes.”

Since heterosexual people must be concerned with populating the planet, it may well be the concern of homosexual people to civilize it. Within the confines of Native American spirituality, Two-Spirited people were considered to be ‘adepts’ in the spiritual world as a natural component of their soul. If the purpose of heterosexuality is the continuation of the gene pool, then the purpose of homosexuality is to make sure it is Olympic-sized with nice tile and plenty of lanes, and with nice terry cloth towels for everyone.”

   I can identify with ; " same-sex-identified men served as sacred whores"- me

                                                             I can handle being a  "Sacred Whore"

                                                                       (a selective Whore at least )

A point about " Straight Men having sex with men " , I very much agree this men are attracted to Women intimately , for example the men I've had sex with,we don't make-out,kiss etc.(a reason I am not gay) I myself am not interested in that, I simply friends ,yet he is treating me sexually as though I am a " Lady ".  This is very good way to see what I feel is difference between myself (a transgender person)  and   Gay- two males whom both feel very male, their gender identity is - Male-,...….. where my gender identity is - third-gender-(highly psychologically female,100% sexually female roled and life long desire to have a vagina not have a penis)

My thought is ;

      Straight males - are Only intimately attracted to females, will only wish to partner with a female in this context , however in proper       content and context, many truly str8 men could allow a  gay or transgender male perform "fellatio" on them, give them a hand-           job, and even penetrate the gay male or transgender male anally    In my case, I called myself a " Slutboy " yet a "Whore" fits !

       I do believe a Straight male had a choice of say " Boning " myself, dressed very feminine,telling him treat me like the "lady" I wish        I was,  or a gay male with a beard looking manly, ..The Straight male is most likely going to " Bone " me, I am much less a threat        to his masculinity , and from my experience there can be a high Empathy factor involved concerning the transgenders dilemma.

          We have to remember we are human and Empathy is a component that makes us human, and most people can clearly see              that the Transgender person as quite a "Dilemma", and from my research a vast majority of Trangender/female-roled males are           mainly attracted to Straight males, and the likely hood of finding a partner is not good, not likely to many Str8 men will want to            partner with me, let alone be seen in public with my self dressed as I desire to dress 

believe me I don't dress like this cause I want to meet a girl or a gay male

The Only reason the Theme of my story " Terrace " works is due fact Michael whom is a Transgender/female-roled male and William is a Straight male, whom have been friends for many years prior, Michael after years of friendship tells William his dilemma, and only out of Empathy for Michaels dilemma, not for his own sexual pleasure , he tells Michael that he will " Bone " him if he wishs, thus William routinely " Bones Michael ", in essense William becomes the "Whore", yet simply due to helping a very good friend ; 

                                                                              " out of Empathy ".

I've had sex with men whom proclaim they are " Strictly Gay Top men ", and must say one of these " Top Men " would routinely see me, beautifully put me in my female role, he could give me long , slow bonings,(partly cause he was 10")  lasting good half hour, due to fact I trusted him, how he was so empathetic to me being transgender, I wanted him to be in me without a condom so he could ejaculate up in me. To me he seems Str8, that is empathetic to Transfeminine males like myself, I do know one thing he Knew how to make me feel "Lady-like ", for example when he was finally ready to ejaculate he'd warn me,ask me if I wanted in my bottom or mouth,,I always choose bottom,, then he'd start his climax cycle, intense spasms he had, just having him up in me, knowing his semen was squirting  out into me is the greatest a man can do to make me feel Feminine.

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       I think to really look at gender identity/sexual attraction

                                           First we must Look at " The Role " a individual feels they fit into best

For example ;


                             I first and foremost want only to be in Female-role sexually, to keep things simply I'll be direct as possible.

                               1.  My number one objective is to find a male, that can willingly offer his penis to me, for purpose of breeding me, 

                                    on my " Indigo page " I talk of being at the " Last Man Standing " parties, and the girls whom are there in the                                         same " Role " as myself'. -being penetrated by the men

                                2. My real pleasure comes psychologically not physically .. for example I am watching one of the girls getting                                            penetrated by a man, he says he is about to ejaculate, the girl waves me over, getting there she pulls his                                              condom off, then tell me to sit on the mans cock so he can ejaculate up in me. I do ,he ejaculates up in me.                                          She knows my please comes from " I was just bred like a Female "..that is the greatest pleasure of all for me!  

                                                                                  " By Nature's design " this is fairly certain

                                                The very most basic role of being Male is;  Ejaculating his semen in a receptive female!

                                                The very most basic role of being Female is ;  Being receptive to taking the semen!

                                3. Thus my basic role is being "Female", even though I can't get pregnant. I have that role/desire

                                           I have always simply had a over-whelming desire to be Impregnated by men, not the act of just them                                          thrusting their penis in out of me.....I want their Semen in me, Once I've got a man's penis                                                      completely up inside me, he tells me " Michael , I'm cumming", and he does ! ,that is the highest 

                                          pleasure level I can reach, I've taken his semen up in me !, I've been "Bred" by him, and hopefully he will                                               have liked," simply breeding me", so he might again (I don't let men breed me I first don't like).

                                 4.  For example ;  the scenario of the girl at the " Last Man Standing " party waving me over when the man she                                               has been being boned by, is ready to ejaculate, this never came to happen due to rules of the party, yet                                                 even the girls themselves suggested that at the end of the night, the guy's whom still could ejaculate,                                                     the girl waves me over, getting there she pulls his  condom off, then tell me to sit on the mans cock so he                                             can ejaculate up in me. they'd (the girls),  would wave me over get the guy's cock out of themselves ,get                                               the condom off,get it up in my bottom so, the guy could ejaculate in me. It was nice of them, I very much                                              understood why the Rules needed to remain . And beside many of the men, I would see alone privately ,                                             at least after 1st year of attending, and they'd ejaculate in me then.


                                   5. The Role of Men , I wanted to see  -  100% male, even though the male above who called himself a 

                                              " gay top man" - at that moment time he was in the male role, he'd didn't show desire to touch my penis,                                               wish to fellate/suck my penis, which I would not allow,(I have no desire for a male to suck my penis) as                                                 that would put me in the male role, just as I have no desire to penetrate a Female or male with my penis,                                               nore have I had that desire, thus I've never had the desire to be in the male role, even when with                                                           females, my desire was they would " Cuckold " me , thus find another male to penetrate both her and I,                                                then I could escape the male role.   For example in story "Terrace",  William and Jodi might be having                                                    sex,myself laying next to them, when William says he is ready to ejaculate, Jodi often would tell William "                                              Michael's been waiting, a needs your cum in him ", -she dismounts, helps me get William's cock up in me                                              before he ejaculates.             I think a big problem our Society has is labeling things as this " Fetish "                                                    smply because it is Different, if that where the case nearly everything is a Fetish  - Yet there are many                                                    reasons I'm sure why a male might wish his female partner to be penetrated by another male,

                                                      - mine simply is " I have no desire to be in male role ", if for example my female partner, and this                                                  new male whom is now boning her , can not accept my desire to be in female role, and he is unable to                                                  start boning me as well, then she will have to decide if her I split, or we find a male to form a polyandry                                                 triad type relationship described in " Terrace" , Her and the Male (male roled male) whom have                                                               conventional relationship,  my role sexual is to simply sexually pleasure by fellatio, and taking his                                                           ejaculation anally. In Terrace for example; publicly, I am just a very good friend,whom is transgender                                                      whom lives with Jodi and William- simple, yet very Human!.


                                          6. For example in the far above writing - " Many of the Great Plains chiefs were known to have berdache                                                   ‘wives,’ as well as called them for sexual purposes/ spiritual aspects etc. Ancient Greece, where ;                                                           “men had women for the purpose of procreation and had berdache lovers for love or spiritual                                                      reasons

                                                               Thus reason I very much identify as berdache type person, " I in essense was a ;                                                                          " male whore for male roled men ", If I where to start having sex again after nearly 14                                                                    years of being celibate , I still was what I was, if I where to find a male to take me in my                                                                berdache role/ female roled male, a truly gay male wouldn't work, another berdache                                                                      most likely not, a couple like in Terrace would be ideal, or I form a indigo club, and be a                                                                berdache for a group of straight men who I sexually pleasure.


                                            Terrace is my 1st choice,.... yet the indigo club 2nd, or  3rd  ....try find single male str8                                                 partner who take me as Femboy,shemale, etc.(for example if I got breast implants,put make-up                                                    on to appear female, I could call myself a Shemale )

                                             I spent 7 years trying to find the 3rd choice  

                                                   A excerpt from ; Meet the Muxes

We fall in love with men who have a life, have girlfriends, men who ultimately like women,” Shaula explains. “Our relationships are momentary. I’ve been in love endless times.”

Shaula says she’s learned “to enjoy the moment” throughout the years and not worry. “A man will never commit to a muxe because he wants to eventually build a life with a woman.”


                                            2nd choice might be realistic-I could much would enjoy getting boned by say 6 men every day                                               so they could ejaculate in me after pleasuring them.  a safe way

                                               I know one thing , I am to old and tired to do what I did back in early 2000's. a unsafe way


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I do thing the Muxe of Zapotec are most clearly defined, and I am very much defined like them ; " Neither Male nor Female"

     And from what I've read Muxe are Female-roled males, wish to publicly appear female like (which I wish to)

excerpt from above site; 

                                         

    "  Let's dispel one myth right away. Transsexuals are women. Women are generally not the aggressors in bed. Women want to be "taken," they usually aren't the ones to initiate sex by pulling their men into the bedroom. There's plenty of anecdotal evidence to support this notion. Check out the covers of romance novels in any bookstore, for example. Look into a woman's eyes -- notice how they draw you in?

If you're a "bottom" male hoping that a pre-op or non-op transsexual will bend you over and fuck you, well you can forget about it. Women, transsexual or otherwise, generally do not want to fuck you. They want you to fuck them. As a TS lady friend expressed it to me recently, "Women receive, they do not project."

For the guy looking to be "topped," expect to have to pay an escort for that service. That is mostly what they specialize in. If paying for a romp in bed isn't your style, it is very doubtful you will find it anywhere else in the TS community. Cross dressers, however, are a different matter. These are not women, they are men enjoying a dress-up fetishistic fantasy. You may find what you want with one of them."

I myself very much agree.....I want Fucked as a Female- just Imagine, cause inside I am !


I wanted many Black men to get me pregnant,,deep down,,just kept that idea to myself.

The Missing Photographs: An Examination of Diane Arbus’s Images of Transvestites and Homosexuals from 1957 to 1965

Transgender (TG): describes people who begin the process of changing their gender appearance. These steps may be in the form of wearing clothing typically associated with the other sex, undergoing hormone treatments and/or surgical procedures, removing unwanted hair, etc., as with transsexuals. The difference is that transgender people wish to transition their gender but may not necessarily want to undergo SRS. Sexual orientation varies. For example if I felt the " vaginoplasty surgery methods where more advanced to my liking, I would make every attempt to at least have " vaginoplasty " surgery performed, thus I am a wanta be transsexual.

the memories I have started about 8 years, thinking I didn't like having a penis, and was dreaming of looking like a girl

excerpt from "notes on gender role;  

Group One (G1) is best described as those natal males who have a high degree of cross-sexed gender identity. In these individuals, we can hypothesize that the prenatal androgenization process--if there was any at all--was minimal, leaving the default female identity intact. Furthermore, the expression of female identity of those individuals appears impossible or very difficult for them to conceal.

Group Two (G2) is composed of natal females who almost universally report a life- long history of rejecting female dress conventions along with, girls' toys and activities, and have a strong distaste for their female secondary sex characteristics. These individuals typically take full advantage of the social permissiveness allowed women in many societies to wear their hair short and dress in loose, gender-neutral clothing. These individuals rarely marry, preferring instead to partner with women who may or may not identify as lesbian. Group Two is the mirror image of Group One.
                                                                  I relate to group 3 best
Group Three (G3) is composed of natal males who identify as female but who act and appear normally male. We can hypothesize that prenatal androgenization was sufficient to allow these individuals to appear and act normally as males but insufficient to establish a firm male gender identity. For these female-identified males, the result is a more complicated and insidious sex/gender discontinuity. Typically, from earliest childhood these individuals suffer increasingly painful and chronic gender dysphoria. They tend to live secretive lives, often making increasingly stronger attempts to convince themselves and others that they are male.
The story is very different for Group Three. In the hope of ridding themselves of their dysphoria they tend to invest heavily in typical male activities. Being largely heterosexual, they marry and have children, hold advanced educational degrees and are involved at high levels of corporate and academic cultures. These are the invisible or cloistered gender dysphorics. They develop an aura of deep secrecy based on shame and risk of ridicule and their secret desire to be female is protected at all costs. The risk of being found out adds to the psychological and physiological pressures they experience. Transitioning from this deeply entrenched defensive position is very difficult. The irony here is that gender dysphoric symptoms appear to worsen in direct proportion to their self-enforced entrenchment in the male world. The further an individual gets from believing he can ever live as a female, the more acute and disruptive his dysphoria becomes.


Cloistered (G3) gender dysphoric boys appear to others and even to themselves to be heterosexual. Although as a group they are not especially active daters, they clearly prefer to date girls when they do date. Significantly, unlike other boys, their dating motives are markedly different. For these boys, being on a date with a girl is a chance to spend time with a girl in a way not generally allowed under other circumstances. Dating serves two purposes for these boys. The first is social, as it gives them the all-important appearance of being normal. The second is therapeutic. Being close to a girl's softness, and even her female smell, has a mitigating effect on gender expression deprivation anxiety. The fantasy is not to make love to her but to actually be her.



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What is the difference between a cross dresser and a man who wants to be a woman?

Anne Vitale Ph.D.
Jan 1, 2009


I have never met a genetic male who has gone on to transition to the female gender role that did not start out as a cross dresser. However, and this is important, it does not mean that every genetic male that cross dresses will go on to transition. Keep in mind that cross dressing is a temporary way for a genetic male to experience femaleness. For some genetic males that short period of experiencing the feminine complements their sense of being male. They may make some minor modifications of their body to enhance their feminine appearance when dressed such as beard and body hair removal but they have no difficulty holding on to their core sense of being male.

On the other hand, genetic males who eventually go on to transition permanently to the female gender role (transsexuals), cross dress to ease gender expression deprivation. Dressing is serious business for these individuals. It is only during these cross dressing periods that they can find a sense of wholeness. Unlike the cross dresser described above, transsexuals have little or no love for their alienated sense of masculinity and they are more then willing to give up its influence on their lives totally via hormones and surgery.


       Type of sexual images, video, adult film type imagery

          ♦   Myself I love beautiful black and white images of nude women (non-sexual as muses)and sexy black men (sexual as                            partner)

           I have no interest in gay porn 

           I like traditional heterosexual ,a male and female (yet I imagine I am the female)- been like that as long as can remember.

excerpt from above  ;


. Gender: “Gay men are all feminine”

The idea that male homosexuality is directly linked with femininity is erroneous. While there are of course some gay men who express themselves (via speech, dress and behavior) in ways which are traditionally “feminine,” there are many others who do not. Men behaving in an effeminate manner is not inherently problematic or deserving of public shaming. What is problematic is the assumption that all gay men display the same type of gender behavior. Gay men, as a group, display tremendous diversity in their expressions and displays of masculinity and femininity. Part of the reason this myth about the “femininity” of gay men survives is because many of the most masculine gay men are not necessarily open about their sexual orientation and/or it is not “assumed” by others that such men are gay. In this regard, the most visible gay men are often those who superficially meet the stereotype of femininity, not those who challenge it.

From my experience, no Gay men desire to be  " Lady like ".       -me


                   Like Asperger's Syndrome , or high functioning Autism spectrum,

                                        I believe Transgender / homosexuality comes in many degrees ,shapes and sizes. 


                                                            Knowing Human beings need that " Seal of Certainty "


                                                                 Maybe the very base for the need for Religion,

                       

                                                            Yet the hardest part is simply Knowing , I don't  Know


                                                          

                                                                             I'd like to have her " Pig Tails "   :)

                         I think Debra Soh, helps a lot, in saying Nature decides one's gender and sexual indentity - period.


                                                           I don't believe any further explanation is really needed, 

                                                                                           other than,


                                                                             Accepting it and Moving on 


      I do know my gender is Male

      I do know my sexual indentity is Female, thus to appear female like, is a Indentifier, symbolic, comfirms that I wish to be 100%              female roled sexually. Thus like the Bow or Basket concept, you desire to be female like or male like in role, yet myself knowing          I still am male biologically, yet desire to clearly be seen female roled 100% sexually, best I can.

      What I can't explain is why I prefer straight men, as I been with men whom identify a " Gay Top " men, and very much enjoyed , 

      how they could treat me like a Lady. Respect that I don't want attention paid to my maleness (penis).


                                                           And no surgery or hormones will in reality can my feeling


                                                                               on comfirm to a mate, of my role.

A lot of gay men , from my experience fit into the the above frame-work, and very much different then a homosexual trans person like myself (desiring to have sex with Str8 men in my fem-male role)