After my divorce in 1990, which in part was caused by myself wanted to be Cuckolded by my wife, and at least in back of mind, wanting myself to get " boned " by man, wanting so much to have a man's penis in me, to treat me like a lady, make me his ladyboy friend,girly-boyfriend. Yet I tried dating women, just couldn't work, not when I so much wanted the " Female role sexually "
excerpt from above article ↑
"In no event should a therapist ever try to change a client’s sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is fixed and immutable, and any attempts to alter it are pointless. Furthermore, attempts to change a client’s sexual orientation may actually be harmful, especially to adolescents, because these “treatments” tend to reinforce societal prejudices against homosexuality (and the resultant traumas and consequences that typically ensue). One study found that children who experience significant feelings of rejection because of their sexual orientation – such as what occurs with “gay conversion therapy” – are three times as likely to use illicit drugs, six times as likely to report high levels of depression, and eight times as likely to attempt suicide. As such, it is imperative that clinicians attempt to normalize rather than pathologize what the individual is feeling. Otherwise, more trauma will occur and development is likely to be further stunted."
-This Ain't a Freaking game-
I don't wish to place such personal images on my site,nore any where for that matter, yet the point or objective here requires attention,requires one to truly look at what their "minds" are doing,re-acting etc. First imagine your walking in the woods,in a world such as ,say the early North American Exporers -woods-,
....Scenario 1 ; Say you had become friendly with a Native American tribe, and where nearing the area where they lived, as you walk along the ridge(about 50 yards behind me), you spot myself and another male,the other male thrusting he penis in and out of my bottom,you can clearly see we are "copulating",mating etc.Looking closer you indentify me,and my partner both "you know us",we noticed you,,we all are friends!,,A Natural act of Nature for these two friends,their special way simply."Blushing"...you turn and head on down the path toward their village.You as this explorer will always be at "peace", in your mind,and in their minds,they know you will cause them no harm in ways of say "making fun of them".
Scenrio 2- I really don't even wish to think of, as it is one of "Pre-Concieved Notions", as a explorer, your mind can't release from it, the beliefs,taught to you in the world you left behind, to come explore my world,this New World where here my tribe live in "Peace the best way we can". If as this explorer you make a Judgement, that- what we are doing is "wicked",bad etc..first you as this explorer have not and can not except "Nature",and it's many forms,you can not except this New World, even though what you viewed is "Clearly not harmful to you",,,you have become the "Wicked"!,,,due to the fact,your mind is simply "En-slaved to your "Old-World" of your Mind.
----------------------------------------------------Looking at Both Scenarios------------------------------------------------------------------------
In both Scenarios;
You as the explorer visit these peoples, often,have for a year, this is common of both scenarios.
You love to be in the area,as these peoples friendship is very much welcome,they have taught you much in their ways of living with Nature,they themselves have grown to value you,always enjoy your visits, they have explained to you "Michael's way is as a berdache way", Michael's role is with the women and children, he is highly trusted with them,helps care for them in all ways,he fishs,builds our shelters,cleans game,makes crafts,tools etc.However Michael sexual has accepted the role as female, which is very important to our Way , as the young men of sexual age, know,with Michael's constent and guidance can learn ways of "copulation",ethic's of, how to perform in non-vulgar ways safely, The young females are kept safe from "pregnancy", as well as jealously,competiveness's, until all have evolved to a mature enough level. The young men he teachs them of hunting,building etc.
The explorer 1 accepts their ways with ("Grace",TO ACCEPT THE VOID- Gravity and Grace/ Simone Weil) due to have open mind- We engage the world by forms of the implicit love of God. Beauty, friendship, religious ceremonies – all these can lead Mankind to God- Simone Weil
This explorer judges,only comes to see the Peoples wanting, the tribe knows this,however due to fact they are very peaceful. they in essence "put up with him,until he leaves,they dread often that he might bring them harm some day, they know his view of Michael are poor,and yet know once in woods alone with Michael , he tried to get Michael to submit to him, Michael had to fight him off!
-----------------------------See explorer 1 accepts---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Through inquiry with the elders;
They have explained the "ways of the berdache",in it full extent,the Symbolic elements,such as Michael by submitting to be as berdache, and being in the female role is a extreme psychological trama for a man,for a male to survive losing his male ego,masculinity is a great spiritual event, -to survive it- Thus our Peoples hold this in great respect.All our people know,Michael is no harm to the women and children,only helps them. The young men know he is availble for them ,if they compile to his rules,ethics etc. as there are no female availble until they mature to proper level.
by paying Attention; Explorer 1; created a Void in his self/being, by way of dispersing/shelving his old way of thinking, Thus creating a new Void, for this New Way to enter into his self/being.
-He over came a Pre-conceived Notion-
----------------Believe me, I am quite of Aware of submitting,allowing a Man to ejaculate in my self/being---yet it is Symbolic----------------
After being celibate for so long, yesterday I think was first time I have wished not be "celibate any longer"
And realized the psychological toll it is taking on myself.
To understand better why I did like my "groups,gang-bang setting", and the content/context of;
♥ I don't think I ever thought it "shame full ",it felt very much ok,so I sought the attention of it, I could get more attention.
♥ I had been suppressing my "need to be in my role", my entire life, so when it first happened, I quickly seen it was away to
fulfill, a very empty void.
♥ Yet very early on,I could see none of these guys, wanted me as "just their" partner,most had wives/girl-friends.
♥ Yet I knew I wanted a straight heterosexual male to have me like,a male would have a female partner
♥ So was kinda like "When in Rome,be as the Romans", I accept what I could get,when I could,in hopes I would fine the right
guy, and the more I could see improved the odds,chance of, Yet now or not then, is not the right time for many straight males to take a Berdache type like myself as a partner.
♥ So one might see the importance better of "when the Berdache type people" can go to the store,go in public safe,without being shamed, more men of the type I think most berdache desire, might ask us out on a date, just like the type male, that likes straight heterosexual females, no different, only that our bodies are male, yet we/I desire to be in the role of the ;
"straight heterosexual females" sexually
I am only using Two-spirit as model/similarity;
"The two-spirit (formerly called berdache) was a sort of Native American transgender person who wore the clothing of the "opposite" sex.
I want to bring up points that the above "gifs", represents to myself;
First this could be looked at in the way of the Scenario above (the two Explorers). In that from the trail in the woods next to these railroad tracks,(far from known public) You spot my friend and I . I am clearly getting in position for him to "Bred me" (which he does). As Explorer 1 does, you accept it as "this is their natural way," verse take position of Explorer 2, and judge, then begin projecting your own preconceptions, causing hate,harm etc.
Second , though this many years ago, I wonder if this has changed; " It was difficult to get a black boyfriend to even go hiking in the Woods, I would ask them some times "Why don't you like going to the Woods ?". the reply was always " Black people don't go into woods Alone, so it isn't something we do, we fear the White man, Alone in the Woods"
Ask yourself next time ,while out fishing on a Lake, or hiking in a forest,
why not many black people are here, enjoying Nature
"Part of that memory is the unfortunate fact that coming together in public spaces wasn’t always safe for Black folks. That legacy of not having safety in numbers still lingers today, and has led to a particular way of thinking about nature for Black folks. When the Outdoor Foundation surveyed Americans and asked why they don’t take advantage of the outdoors, more than a third of Black Americans said, ‘they’re just not interested.’- excerpt from "Black folks and nature / KALW public radio"
For myself, if I viewed the following images below now or 40 odd years ago, I truly never desired to be the male,
only wanted to be as,
" The Female "
"When I first laid eyes on this photo back in 1997, I knew I wanted to be doing what she (Chloe des Lysses )was doing. And soon was "
Taking a man's semen up inside my bottom has always been my preferred way,if at all possible
A huge thing for myself is " if I like a man to a high degree , I very much want to take his semen in me anally or orally,
This is very selective though, " Do I like him enough ? ",→ if so I desire to.
"Bell and Weinberg reported evidence of widespread sexual compulsion among homosexual men. 83% of the homosexual men surveyed estimated they had had sex with 50 or more partners in their lifetime, 43% estimated they had sex with 500 or more partners; 28% with 1,000 or more partners. Bell and Weinberg p 308." (exodusglobalalliance.org/ishomosexualityhealthyp60.php)
For myself , and most likely these images seem erotic, they should be that's how Nature made us Want to breed ,
I just am not ordinary, in that I am a male whom, wants female role,
Wants to be " Bred ", like a female does,
And in the scenario above;
This friend doesn't like to penetrate me anally,
Yet by letting him ejaculate in my mouth,
As a male, I am defining my role to him,
And in my mind, now if he likes what he can do with me,
And I like his semen, his personality,
Maybe he next time he can penetrate me anally and ejaculate,
Thus fulfilling my female desire to be " Bred "
The following website some what address " why being penetrated is pleasure "
Bottoming: Physical Pleasure vs Emotional/Psychological Pleasure
excerpts from ↑;
♠ "Physically, I don't like bottoming and don't really get why guys like it. It feels awkward, hurts tons at first, I lose my erection easily and the orgasms are anti-climactic."
♠ " I bottom because I love getting fucked. It feels awesome and my hole is really tight which gives pleasure to my tops. Anyone who doesn't like to get fucked has been doing it wrong.
♠ " I agree OP. I only bottom for the emotional pleasure I get."
♠ " I love sucking cock because I love giving pleasure. I also love getting fucked. Giving pleasure with my mouth or my hole is the greatest gift of all. "
♠ " Physically, I don't like bottoming and don't really get why guys like it"
♠ " two tops enter a room → One leaves " this also helps define a difference between gay and transgender
None of the men replied ↑ ; " Because it puts me in my Role as Female ", as for me, the reply above ; " I love sucking cock because I love giving pleasure. I also love getting fucked. Giving pleasure with my mouth or my hole is the greatest gift of all. ". I can most relate too!, Yet the greatest pleasure for myself, a Man can give Me, is putting me in my " Role " as a Lady, and to the highest degree he can, is by " ejaculating up inside me. Thus that is the closest to being " Female " I can abtain. If a man I really like will ejaculate up inside me, that is the most emotional pleasure sexually he can give me !, I am not seeking physical pleasure, and seldom ejaculate myself.
For example ; If my job / role in Society was a Psychologist, I believe I would start out with a New client by getting to know them, and start with that by asking them first and foremost ; " please tell me about yourself ,by telling me what you find pleasurable in Life ?
Sigmund Freud believed that all human behaviour was motivated by unconscious forces. Freud hypothesized that people, like animals, are are motivated by drives and instincts. Freud proposed two basic drives; sex and aggression. This was Freud's drive model.
"Freud believed that the majority of what we experience in our lives, the underlying emotions, beliefs, feelings, and impulses are not available to us at a conscious level. He believed that most of what drives us is buried in our unconscious. If you remember the Oedipus and Electra Complex, they were both pushed down into the unconscious, out of our awareness due to the extreme anxiety they caused. While buried there, however, they continue to impact us dramatically according to Freud.
The role of the unconscious is only one part of the model. Freud also believed that everything we are aware of is stored in our conscious. Our conscious makes up a very small part of who we are. In other words, at any given time, we are only aware of a very small part of what makes up our personality; most of what we are is buried and inaccessible."
" While women’s desire for sex may be prompted by their mind, memory, or emotional feelings of connection, for men desire is physical. Men have massive amounts of testosterone coursing through their bodies, pushing and driving them toward sexual expression. Erections spring at the slightest provocation in young men. And for an adult man, seeing his wife or partner coming out of the shower naked causes his body to react. It is hard to overestimate the way his body chemistry directs his mind’s psychology toward the sexual." This my be true, but it also may be men desire sex for very emotional reasons!.-me
1. Sex begins in the body.
While women’s desire for sex may be prompted by their mind, memory, or emotional feelings of connection, for men desire is physical. Men have massive amounts of testosterone coursing through their bodies, pushing and driving them toward sexual expression. Erections spring at the slightest provocation in young men. And for an adult man, seeing his wife or partner coming out of the shower naked causes his body to react. It is hard to overestimate the way his body chemistry directs his mind’s psychology toward the sexual.
2. For men, sex is a hunger.
Yes, he wants to be full. But his craving for sex is like a craving for chocolates: Each sexual episode holds the exquisite possibility of a surprise-filled confection — maybe creamy smooth, or buttery rich, perhaps a little raw and bittersweet, or silky sweet. His mind is captivated by the thought of an opportunity to feel delighted and surprised. A day is hardly complete without dessert. Yet, the context of the relationship — for instance, a fight with his wife — can still spoil his appetite.
5. Sex is the→ way he gives love.
The moment his partner gets turned on is often the moment men describe as most sexually satisfying. It’s baffling to men when they are called selfish because of their preference for sexual connection. In their hearts, there is an expectation of mutual, exquisite bodily pleasure. He often concocts and fantasizes about how to make it better for her, begging for information about her erotic desires, just so he can improve as a lover.
This is good example of " Assuming you know, yet don't know "
I think the author of this article needs to study a bit more,
as to develop a Whole Truth, verse a partial truth.-me
Now imagine the naïve 16 year old male reading the above article !;
So he now knows " Once he begins → " begging for information about her erotic desires" he is most likely→ in Love,
excerpt from ↑ ;
" One of the most fundamental human needs is the need to belong. Noted psychologist, Abraham Maslow, identified it as one of the five basic needs. We want to be part of a group and to feel loved and accepted by others. That is, we want to be a member of a tribe. A tribe-or a pack, clan, elected family, posse, crew, network, or true friends–is a group of people who share common interests and values and show genuine appreciation and care for each other."
The basis for " Need for Roots "
In a sense, Native American cultures have institutionalized and socially sanctioned homosexual relations by utilizing the berdache role as the preferred same sex partner. When men want to have male/male sex, they are encouraged to do so with a berdache (95).
Berdaches frequently are available for sex with both unmarried adolescent boys and married men who occasionally seek out same sex partners. Because of this, female prostitution is not needed. Traditional berdaches were also available as sexual partners during hunts and in war parties (102). This was yet another reason why they were welcomed on these excursions.
I wish I could simply say " I am a berdache type, and be understood ",
a problem without having a " culture ", living in a fragmented society