MichaelEmeryArt

The Reason I Pose -nsfw

I enjoy being with artistic people ,being part of the creation of art.


4/1/2019
                         
                            I was thinking about the desire to be nude a bit this weekend, as weather is warming, yet Taxed my mind                                               awhile,.asking myself why? , since as long as memory allows I have loved going to Woods to be nude, yet
                            just nature as well, it just the Woods, I most often could be alone to safely be nude. I realize now the great                                             meditative aspect of it for me, yet compared to say going to a nude beach, that meditative aspect isn't there in                                       context/content, another type experience occurs in the context of " being among nude people, for most part are                                     complete strangers " ,for example I used to go to a nude beach in Wisconsin ,on a river,very rural,wooded,                                           very pretty setting , very much retreat like, you could be there, never talk to anyone, except say hi maybe, very                                     much, uncrowded ,so you space, as far as I knew, no one might even of spoke English!, yet here are people                                         behaving, accepting, getting along, and the only tribe we all we do know we belong to is the Human tribe, and we                                 are being apart of Nature.
                            I do believe one has to experience ; call it maybe a true form of " Liberation from Self, a mental shift , when one                                   comes to realize nudity and sexual eroticism are two distinct forms of thought, and if one can not separate the two,                               much self-inquiry is needed on their part. 
                            Life Drawing classes, and being able to pose nude before people , allow me to be nude in a very much Not sexual                              context, the nude beach offers that as well, filming alone in the woods very much allows that Being alone nude in a                               non-sexual context . I have masturbated at times in woods when younger, yet rare, and prefer not to, yet at times                                 have needed the Release, be done with, move on type context.

                           One reason I do know that I have maintained keeping the posing as well as the transgender context on this site,                                  is the " Liberation of Self " thing, as both represent how much we as a society have not over-come our own thinking                              and how controlled by " Pre-Concieved Notions " we can be held. 

                           For myself after posing nude for so many years, as well as having a great love for drawing / sketching, I very                                    much know the "Phenomenon" that must occur for a artist to truly see what is before them and a key aspect of                                      that "Phenomenon" is to forsake " Pre-Concieved notions, to see what is really before one's self ,free of judgements,                            unblinded by what should be, and see what is, when I posed after I shaved smooth, sure there was shock / surprise,                            yet that lasted about as long as the idea enter their minds, and disappeared , moments. If I where to be able to pose                            without a penis, I am sure the moment might last a bit longer, yet I think soon some great drawings would happen,                               as they would be forced to draw what is really before them, not what was. So to a degree the desire to get a                                         vulvoplasty , would enable me to pose as I really feel, pose in my Concept of Self.






3/24/2019
                            I have pondered this question since beginning to pose back in 1997, looking at it from "Free-Will concept, it would                                 be, " I like to, want to "  in part it could be a search or exploring for self-identity ?, a outlet for self-expression, that                                 in  words I can not explain ?. I do know it has been a evolution, meeting many people,many experinces, I think it                                   has helped me come to terms with my gender identity, given me a way.method in which I could express myself in                                 a Feminine way, that way progressing, meaning for 22 years it has taken to go from feeling confused about my                                     gender identity. Posing thus did put me in a position,a social way of showing I am feminine, indirectly , and never                                 by design/motive, mainly by luck/chance, a black male whom found me attractive,flirted with me, in essense asked                               me to be a Fem-male for him,he soon was treating me like a Lady sexually.Once he had put me in the role, and so                               pleasantly done by his accord, I knew at least my role was 100% feminine sexually, yet as taken all these years,                                   becoming/evolving in feminine ways, accepting that it was ok to be transgender type, even to point of actually                                      desiring to trade my penis in for a vagina :)

                   I can't stress enough though, no matter how much technology we gain,                            Direct-Experince can never replaced. The Artist and Model experience is a                      high form of direct experience, yet simply setting a drawing a tree in the                            woods alone with nature is or can be a high form as well.Yet I fear this is                          being forgotten,taken for granted etc.I think my writing T.V. Set. projects my                      view on this matter, which I wrote around the time I started modeling.

10/9/2018

                              I realize I am quite Rare, as a individual, from stand-point of very few have posed nude for Artists

                          for as long a period of time as I have, and to the degree in which I have, made it public accessible such as by way

                          of posting "Poses" on internet.

                                                                As far as "Poses in the Woods", my guess is no other "Human being" in the;

                                                                                              history of Humanity

                                                                has documented,recorded their life for over 20 years this aspect.

                                                                                              maybe there are those whom think it odd,strange etc.

                                                                Yet those are also the Ones whom's Life , they simply didn't live.


                                                Yet my reason wasn't to achive this, my reason as always been to show "Nudity" by it's self is 

                                                                                                  Natural and not Harmful (in proper context/content)

                                                              The "Preceiver" of it makes it not harmful (being-cognition) 

                                                                                                      verse 

                                                                                          Makes it harmful (Deficiency Cognition)


                                                                     -Symbolism-


          In the photo below , for myself it is some what a Universal meaning of a Androgynous/ effeminate male,

                      Though my personal sexual orientation is 100% female/receptive role, it doesn't have to mean that for another.


          for example;  say, if you where to travels to a new State / country etc. You seen many males dressed as myself below, it most likely due to global communication, you would realize that I am effeminate to a fairly high degree, yet could not at the same time

                                                                 Assume my sexual orientation 

                   for example, if I was with another person dressed similar to myself, Their role sexually could be more male

                                                                  Why we can't Assume anything

                   Just as a Straight male would be silly to assume that I would be attracted to them,simply because they are male,
                     When in Essense nothing is further from the truth, due to fact only about 1% of males I have ever encountered
                                                            would I be possibly attracted to.
Symbol of Androgynous/effeminate male
One Reason
One Reason

To pose in Nature is a great reason to be in and with Nature..to Be a part of it Great-ness, and escape "Social Construct"

One Reason

Posing is very Mediative for myself.,,being in woods alone gives me time to ponder,think more freely,,un hindered by the constant "Multi-tasking",society has created.

…………."So I can compose writings,all my writings are composed while posing to some degree."...……………………………………...
One Reason

My great love of Art, since I did not go to Art school, posing gave me this chance to go back to school and be around those whom love art as well,by posing for the students, I always felt I was helping them to draw

One Reason

Though it wasn't by intent,or maybe was sub-conscious, it helped with my gender-dysphoria,it helped me slowly express myself as very few have done.."being a Artist's Model, and Muse for a artist", a much more traditional role of a female. Thus I could express my femininity in a some what abstract fashion in past, Now after years of posing,I am comfortable publicly expressing myself as Androgyny,and with a desire to feel more feminine,and since I have been in the female/receptive role sexually for over 20 years, and very much the role which is right for me,so in essense posing did help me figure out my sexual identity,by posing it helped me meet men who where able to treat me as a Androgynous person,thus fulfilling my need to be in the "Female Role". By getting to be in this role,I was able to sexually experiment with many men,thus learning how to please them as a female would sexually.

  
  So in a indirect ,  sub-conscious way , I was seen by individuals whom seen me as feminine, I at no time was trying to project any type of sexual interest, content/context etc. in my posing for Life Drawing classes. Only by love of posing ,being part of a group in a creative process, I seen I wanted to do it, yet really didn't know why, looking back posing was helping me build self-esteem,allowing me to accept myself as being much more feminine, than say the average male. I don't think most likely a male who is " not more Feminine " would even be interested in posing for life-drawing classes, yet for myself it was,still is very much as though a innate,sub-conscious need to be seen,accepted by society as a much more feminine male. Meeting my 2nd contact friend, and himself desiring me sexual to be in a feminine sexual role, was great timing, and by it feeling so perfect, so right, so exciting for him to treat me like a Lady.        Yet my intent was never " I want to pose so I can turn myself on, nore another ", it simply came to be, that by posing, and posing a lot, often , men seen me, some just happened to see me in sexual ways, more than not thought me to be a homosexual male (in traditional ,mainstream thought), which I would have to explain to, that it is beyond a male to male sexual thing, I had to explain, I am more transsexual like, I want to strictly be in Female role, I don't desire a male whom wishs to perform fellatio on me, I can't be in the male role,,quite simply, I want to be treated as though I am sexually a truth female.  So in away , " I am a Lady in a man's body ".
One Reason

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Choreography of Poses


This became a good Reason, as after posing, I truly grew a passion for seeing the Pose,and seen it could be done like a form of dance,simply a paused form.

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Posing in Androgynous style- is a Reason to pose, because gender identity,is just another form of Race, and people still very much un able to accept someone different today,better now then 30 years ago,but not alot.

Hermaphroditus

I personal believe the Greeks may have created their Gods/Goddess in a metaphorical sense ,as identities for Human traits,experinces and understanding, I think The Androgyny which Hermaphroditus represents,thus can represent this type person. I myself think anyone can find a Greek God or Goddess, which they can identify with.

For example; if I went to the beach dressed as below ,call it my bikini of sorts, would it bother,would it seem strange, lets say on top of that, I painted my skin black,to look negro,..carrying a sign that says " Everyday is like Haloween for me"..let the Freak show begin!..lol


We are all androgynous, not only because we are all born of a woman impregnated by the seed of a man but because each of us, helplessly and forever, contains the other -- male in female, female in male, white in black and black in white. We are a part of each other. Many of my countrymen appear to find this fact exceedingly inconvenient and even unfair, and so, very often, do I. But none of us can do anything about it. -James Baldwin



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The true value of a human being can be found in the degree to which he has attained liberation from the self.”

Albert Einstein

What is this 'Liberation from the self' of which Einstein speaks ?



"A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

- Albert Einstein

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So a big part or my reason for Posing is trying to help people realize the reason most can't or will not draw,say in a Life Drawing class setting,is because their minds are so full of "Pre-Concieved Notions", and to it is like the common cold- we all battle it through out life, one of the dangers of being social creatures.

for example if you walk into a Life Drawing class,and become offended by thinking there is something sexual about it, that is our own mind that is creating that belief, as that is very much not the reality. "So your not Liberated from your Self".some how you constructed a ideology in your mind that nudity should be sexual. this must be overcome to move ahead.

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A big Reason-Helping the Life Drawing class,get into the "Flow State"


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Be in my Feminine role publicly(at least in my own mind)

  I certain way a de-sensitizing method of revealing myself as more "Feminine", I soon was in my Feminine role sexually after starting to Model for Life drawing classes(this way all happening fast,and very much in a "not planned manner",I was going with the "Flow", with what felt "Right" intuition type way.(for men I have always presented myself "Feminine" )



Of the Two Identities , in my heart,and my psychology / mind, I like the below picture of myself without penis,does reflect my role most accurate.

Though I have never had gender comfirmation surgery,I most likey would if younger,and able,and it would be great to pose as a full fledged transexual Male to Fem-male

You might say this Look fits me well. and would be great to pose for life-drawing classes as a transgender person.

Your content goes here...

Maybe Life-drawing represents how much , how different we all are

Though one may go attend a Life-drawing class the one thing all life drawing classes have in common is , you will most likely be seeing a nude human, there will others there to draw this nude human at the same time as you,..thats about it !

my need to be Feminine
I thought cute

Because I have such a great desire to feel Feminine, posing has always been a very good way of living out my need to feel feminine.

                                                Creating the " Gesture "

I have always loved gesture poses

I have spent much time studying silent films in order to study the gestures 

I think being able to pose, and being able to create gesture, was and is one of the great aspects of being able to,having freedom to choose the pose,create the pose.

For myself, posing did offer a outlet for me to gesture in feminine ways, and those artists /students I posed for repeatedly over the years , I quite certainly feel, felt I was feminine/Effeminate in nature by the poses I selected.Not that I was trying to project being Effeminate, it just was natural, and my pose style reflected it.

because in my mind I am very Effeminate, it was very much fun to pose as I felt, in a safe,acting type role,as though I was simply actor on stage

Even though by circumstance , I met my "2nd Contact" friend and he took me as a "Effeminate Fem-male " friend. that was not a objective of my posing, and that one mating / sexual type encounter, is the only encounter from which came directly from seeing me posing in class.

For myself I like I have the ability to be with a group of Ladies, and it be a non-sexual setting, like posing above on the horse,out on farm. or just have a place to get some sun in the nude around them, and they aren't nude