Understanding Addiction


I think Gabor Mate takes a good look at Addiction in the Following video;

I very much agree with Gabor's views on AA, 12 step method, in that it needs to greatly evolve, it is not a way to beat addiction, maybe a helpful tool. Personally I have no use for it , as it has to many similarity to a " Cult " ,contains to much dogma , I have been to ,too many meetings, and gained nothing, yet felt the " Pull of " being "Institutionalized " into a homogenized type belief system.


I have been very reluctant to give much advise about Addiction, partly due to lack of time of being free of Alcohol addiction, fear o being over confident, having not spent enough time back in mainstream society without support of the "ARC" (Adult Rehab Center / Salvation Army), I wasn't at the Salvation Army Rehabilitation Center in Minneapolis, I was 2 years a Detroit Center, However I met Jerry here.

At this time This Type Center is only type .I will endorse / recommend due to the following key components Salvation Army Understands the Addict needs to succeed.

Within a Christian atmosphere and philosophy, the center offers men the opportunity to regain their self-respect and                            acquire the life skills needed to take their rightful place in society.                                                                                               

                The rehabilitation process is intensive and requires a strong commitment by the residents to the full six-month term or                           longer. The center is not a temporary shelter or a place to stay while seeking employment.

                 The men receive education, counseling and spiritual support at night. By day, they perform volunteer “work therapy” for                       40 hours per week, mostly distributing clothes, furniture and other donations to Salvation Army Stores.                                            

                  The program teaches men how to change their lives to become productive citizens in the community, better fathers and                       husbands in their homes, and valued employees in the work place.

                 A very Key component is "Drug or alcohol rehabilitation works  by taking you away from your daily triggers and stresses                     that lead to your drug or alcohol use in the first place.(The Individual in Essence must Learn to live a                     New Life Style,and a minimum of a year is most likely needed)                                                                                Once you are in a safe environment (Culture) away from drugs or alcohol, you can concentrate on starting the process of                    living a life free of substance abuse, willingly.

First of Let me kinda describe how bad my own personal Alcohol Addiction was:

In 2013,february(5 years ago)..I was extremely suicidal-

Only with the help of my Brothers and Sister-in-law, whom where able to intervene,they realized I could no longer think for myself, which I personally at this point was aware of. They knew I needed long term help,thus Rehab. Let me point out,as the System in the United States currently stands,,if I didn't, have their Care,their taking the" reins" , I would not be writing this.

Even They could not believe how hard it was to find the proper help for a person in my situation.

     This is changing,yet the public needs to be educated on the signs of Addiction,how a person is crying for help,simply by being addicted!,
      Being Addicted comes in many,many ways,from over eating,to shooting Heroin in one's veins.
      Addiction is maybe the best defined as the result of:

            Some form of Stress in a Individuals Mind, from a "cognitive dissonance " to a "Oppression"

             I hate to say this , Yet Society in all reality is the very Root of most Addiction,.. in a very sneaky way.

                                          My work as a carpenter ,craft-person,demands extreme attention to detail in order for myself to do the best job I can,Yet in our current society,,speed is the "State of the Union"...the two don't mix well!

                                           My self being a Fem-male,in a society that judges,"pre-judges" others by sexual "nature"..here is a quote                                              by Scott Peck that I believe clearly defines our current culture,at least by many individuals:

                                               “Since [narcissists] deep down, feel themselves to be faultless, it is inevitable that when they are in conflict with the world they will invariably perceive the conflict as the world's fault. Since they must deny their own badness, they must perceive others as bad. They project their own evil onto the world. They never think of themselves as evil, on the other hand, they consequently see much evil in others.”
M. Scott Peck

"It’s not craving entertainment – 6/23/2018-  A hallmark of an immature mind is its constant tendency to want to distract itself in entertainment, which usually manifests as forms of greed, over-indulgence, addiction and depravity. The entertainments can be in any form – food, drinks, drugs, sex, shopping, hobbies, TV, internet, work, mysticism, religion, social events, denial-based spirituality etc Entertainment can be a means of enjoying your waking hours, but if it becomes your “craving” you are just a prisoner to it, with no real sense of wisdom. It’s easy to get addicted to entertainment because it allows the mind to deny its reality for a while and get some temporary relief. A mature mind enjoys entertainment but can easily sustain itself without it, it’s not “restless” and it can find alignment with the most ordinary moments. - calm down mind.com

                               Immaturity and Addiction                                   


When I enter Salvation Army work Alcohol rehab. They stressed very much,the basis for an Addiction is "Some aspect of All addicts,have a very emotionally immature aspect to themselves, and they where there to help me fix it. (No other rehab. had ever even mentioned the process of fixing addiction by fixing the aspect of emotional immaturity )

Comparison between Mature and Immature:




Definition (Merriam-Webster)

Having or showing the mental and emotional qualities of an adult

Having a fully grown or developed body : grown to full size

Having reached a final or desired state

Not fully developed or grown

Acting in a childish way : having or showing a lack of emotional maturity


Mature refers to someone who acts their age or someone who acts like an adult.

Someone who acts like a child or tries to act younger than their age.


Acting like an adult

Acting like a child

Acting their age

Acting below their age

Accept responsibilities

Avoid responsibilities

Talk about situations and feelings

Avoid talking about situations and feelings

Accept blame when at fault

Will not accept blame even when at fault. Will blame others.

Talks about appropriate topics at appropriate situations

Will talk about inappropriate topic at inappropriate situations

Have self control

Lets emotions get the better of them

Are independent and self-reliant

Are dependent on others for things

Tries not to get too frustrated

Gets frustrated easily

Will forgive others

Unlikely to forgive others


Take things out of proportion

Use sophisticated humor

Use sophisticated toilet or crass humor.

Secure in their position

Extreme jealousy

Don’t care much about what others think but accept constructive criticism to try and make personal improvements

Inability to take criticism, rather taking it too personally or taking yourself too seriously

Do not need constant attention and gratification. Are confident with who they are.

Constantly seek attention and gratification

Think about other’s needs and give love and affection

Extremely self centered and selfish

Deal more with reality

Deal more with how things should be or live in a dreamscape rather than reality

Learn from experience and improve themselves

Do not learn from their experience and keep making the same mistakes over and over again

"When I was in Alcohol Rehab, the number one thing we where told,or taught to realize was- Our Minds where immature in some Aspect-

              Moving Towards a Mature Mind - calm down mind.com


I think,  Dr. Gabor Maté  talk below is very insightful on Addiction,best I ever heard.

Simone Weil's book " Need for Roots" stresses the need for Unity,the community.


Many of us have our unique ,personal calamities, mine being :  Cognitive Dissonance is the cause of the feeling called Gender Dysphoria (GD) , which used to be called Gender Identity Disorder (GID). The AGP subject often experiences GD as an intense dislike (penis) for those parts of his body that conflict with his desired self-image as feminine.

 So for myself once I accepted that I identify as a very Feminine person internally, and had been celibate for some time, I was able to stand back and self inquire about my identity,role. (quite simply, the desire to "Breed" as though I am female)

excerpt from above site ;  This Cognitive Dissonance is the cause of the feeling called Gender Dysphoria (GD) , which used to be called Gender Identity Disorder (GID). The AGP subject often experiences GD as an intense revulsion for those parts of his body that conflict with his invented self-image as a woman. This can be fixated on the genitalia but is not always. If it is so fixated, the GD develops a new dimension, in which the subject begins to loathe the pleasure of orgasm, because that is centred on his penis. Even if he learns to orgasm through anal penetration, he is still aware that a penis is involved. This leads to feelings of powerful revulsion and guilt, which are reinforced every time the subject masturbates. So GD in this case is not only powerful but increasingly so. The more the man excites himself as a woman, the more he will want to masturbate and the more he will hate his penis — and that means his male self — for doing so.

 I can very much relate to "the penis not belonging,or wishing it was a vagina " ,as I am being penetrated.To  "Breed" as though I am female.

I thus had to come to terms with fact that I am a a transsexual type person, being I wish to be in female role sexually, and appear physically more female like in terms of not having a penis, and need to appear female like, thus with vulvoplasty surgery if able.




                            If one listens to video "Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong | Johann Hari",

       I truly believe my Addiction to seeing men as often as I could, was that " Need to Bond ", find a mate to take me as a ;

                                                          " Fem-male , berdache , transgender type person "
                                 Living in a society where it is there was "No" structure of Culture set-up to educate one ; 
                                                 Where society not only doesn't help, it greatly hinders , by not accepting;
                                                           Individuals whom have a sexual identity out of the ordinary ,

                                                                Thus we " Bond " as we can, the best way we can.

                                                                     So in Essense , I became a " Slut "

                   Not until I found my dog George, to feel the " Void ", could I stop, yet still being " Celibate" is not a complete life.

                                                                         Yet is much more manageable


                   "I was very addicted to the want of having a man ejaculate up in my Bottom"
 I wrote the following on the "Indigo club " page

So I would of fit in well as a effeminate passive fem-male.(concerning sex in ancient Greece and Rome)"

To be an ancient Roman male in good standing  meant  you initiated penetrating acts of sex. Whether you did this with a female or a male, slave or free, wife or prostitute, made little difference -- as long as you were not on the receiving end, so to speak.

Certain people were off-limits, though, and among them were free youths.

 I think it is again important to realize, for when someone like myself . " when we begin to take the " role " of being penetrated, it is very life changing , I think this is why homophobia is a fear amongst so many.

    Once I not only willingly allowed my first contact friends to penetrated me anally ,yet once They ejactulated up in me , I could never again be anything other then a fem-male, I have never been able to not want to be a Fem-male , thus my strongest desire is to be bred by a man as though I am a female.

For myself , when I was seeing many men, my number 1 objective was always to have him bred me, ejaculate in my bottom.

  As I mentioned , I very much have a kindred spirit relationship in thought with Jennie June, I was very addicted to the want of having a man ejaculate up in my Bottom

I also think , like my work as a crafts person (carpentry etc.) I most often try my best to do the best I can do for my sake , as much as for the client. Just as wish posing as a nude model for Life Drawing, I posed the best I could, for my sake, I let men bone me for my sake, as it fulfilled the psychological need to feel feminine.Thus I wanted to be the best Fem-male I could be, thus that mean't being very clean, looking/acting feminine for my men, pleasing them when they needed it.

Thus if one truly comprehends "Free-will " as though stated by the famous quote ; " A man may do as he wants, yet can not want what he wants" ….my only option was to be Celibate, that still doesn't take away the want.

What does amaze me is ; How I have no desire for alcohol, when being so addicted to it, yet I have not been "boned" by a man in over 13 years, yet I still greatly want to be.


                                                Highly sensitive people (HSP) and Addiction

It is commonly known that highly sensitive people are very easily overwhelmed, thus not well equipped to face stressful and stimulating situations continuously. Lack of proper understanding of this issue often forces those fragile souls to seek a solution on their own.

                High Sensitivity and Addiction | Highly Sensitive and Creative

Highly Sensitive People (HSP)

Attributes and Characteristics of Being Highly Sensitive

by Thomas Eldridge

Emotionally, Highly Sensitive People (HSP) are seen as shy, introverted and socially inhibited. They are often acutely aware of other's emotions. Sensitive people learn early in life to mask their wonderful attributes of sensitivity, intuition and creativity.

Physically, HSPs may have low tolerance to noise, glaring lights, strong odors, clutter and/or chaos. They tend to have more body awareness of themselves and know instinctually when the environment they are in is not working for them.

Socially, they may feel like misfits. They actually enjoy their own company and are totally comfortable being alone.

Psychologically, HSPs compensate for their sensitivity by either protecting themselves by being alone too much, or, by trying to be 'normal' or sociable which then over-stimulates them into stress.

Work and career is particularly challenging for HSPs. They are often overlooked for promotions even though they are usually the most conscientious employees. They are excellent project oriented employees because they are responsible and thorough in their work.

Relationships can be difficult. In relationships they may be confronted with their unresolved personal issues. They can however, offer their partner the gifts of their intuitive insights.

Culturally, HSPs do not fit the tough, stoic and outgoing ideals of modern society and what is portrayed in the entertainment media.

Childhood wounds have a more devastating effect on HSPs. It is important for them to heal their past hurts because they cannot just forget them and go on in denial.

Spiritually, sensitive people have a greater capacity for inner searching. This is one of their greatest blessings.

Nutritionally, HSPs may need more simplicity in their diet. They may be vitally aware of the effects of food on the health of their body and their emotional stability.

Being Sensitive -- in an Insensitive World

by Thomas Eldridge - soberrecovery.com

excerpts from above site I personally relate to ; 


Highly sensitive people are affected by not only theirs, but also other people’s emotions; their nervous systems are permanently on high alert, processing stimuli provided by both worlds: the internal and the external one.

Even the smallest things can break their hearts and fill it with indescribable sadness for many days

Social norms and beliefs coming from others cast a heavy shadow of presumptions on our lives, often even before we are born. Modern systems of education and work are an endless source of intense pressure, overflowing our minds and bodies.



                             I think programs they talk of in the above video are critical in order to help those whom are addicted.

                             The Key is living in the New Culture you create for yourself, with help of others helping each other.

                                       I know , I did similar , no less then one and half years to two years is required for most is what I believe it                                                 takes to develop this New Self Culture.


Glennon Doyle is the author of the #1 New York Times bestselling memoir Love Warrior, which was selected as an Oprah’s Book Club pick, as well as the New York Times bestseller Carry On, WarriorGlennon is also the founder of Momastery


excerpt from ; The 6 Fundamental Differences Between Religion and Spirituality

4. Religion separates, Spirituality unites

        "In our world, there are many religions and they all preach that their story is the right story.

Spirituality sees the truth in all of them and unites them because the truth is same for all of us despite our differences and uniqueness.

It focuses on the quality of the divine message they share and not on the differences in details of the story they speak."

        Spirituality reminds us that we are not separate, there are no borders, no races and no                     cultural divides."


excerpt from;  " sex worker 10,000 partners "

"  In fact, in the decade she was in the industry, the most important thing to her clients was “feeling of being needed and wanted.            Wanted badly by a horny woman. It is their ultimate fantasy after all.”

                     Every time (which was many)- I de toxed / went through total withdrawl from alcohol it was very much like this ↑ ↓